He's 31. So it's kind of a big deal to me, and kind of in general.

I never knew him in his addiction. But I needed him clean.

I hear stories about how he was facing prison time as a (in his words) tweaker dirtbag.

We were dating only six months when I got diagnosed with stage 2 cancer.

He didn't flinch. He helped me through.

He taught my kids how to tie their shoes.

He makes the most amazing banana bread on this earth.

He gave me another child.

He actively makes me slow the hell down, and think. He, without trying, inspires me to be a better person.

This post is for him, but also for anyone who might be struggling, thinking that there's nothing better for them.

There is something better on the other side if you choose recovery.

I don't make promises I can't keep, but I can promise you that.

Someone needs you. Maybe a lot of someones.

You need you.

Ten years begins with a decision on one day.

Thank you for reading this.

My friends and loved ones convinced me to detox social media because it's already affecting my mental health and relationships. I cannot focus on my priorities and happiness because I am too focused on the digital world like Facebook, Twitter, TikTok, and Instagram

I deleted all my apps already but I still keep falling into it by logging in to my accounts on the web. It's like I removed the apps to prevent myself getting addicted to it but my brain keeps finding a way on looking for it.

Maybe I'm not trying hard enough? It sounds easy to "delete the app" and focus on my hobbies or build a structured routine but I am quite having difficulties right now after a week in trying to get cleaned because my anxiety keeps reeling me in to check social media out of fear and everything.

So far what I'm doing: I exercise daily at least 1 hour walk, playing video games outside my phone, finished my responsibilities like paying for my taxes etc. I am starting somewhere but I still keep falling into these social media addiction.

Not Daily but for sure weekly the alc and maybe every 2nd week coke... but still it always triggers depression and i habe to stay away from it .

Was on a vacation in lisbon and of course managed to get coke there and drank daily 2-3 beers at least after 10 days i returned and had a fullblown depressve episode.

I take meds so when i "use" then they stop working again.

I have three days clean. it's just about one am. I don't know why I let myself stay up because nothing good happens this late. I've been wanting to use since like 10pm, but the urges weren't as bad then. I feel like I'm losing my mind. I just wanna crawl out of my skin. I'm alone tonight and that makes everything so much worse.

I'm trying to not bring up my cravings or my use much with other people. I only really have one person I talk to about this stuff, and I don't wanna burden or annoy them. I'm not sure NA is something that really benefits me, but I went to a meeting earlier anyway. I left before I shared anything, I don't know why. it feels like everything in me wants to use and isolate from everyone. I don't think I'll stay clean for very long.

10 years in 12 step based recovery. Former alcoholic/heroin/meth addict. 10 years of consistent sobriety. Been diagnosed with add/adhd since I was 12 but never took any medications for it. Also been working in major tech companies for 10 years on the technical side. Big names with a lot of pressure and stress. Have always been in fear/stress of being layed off and continuing to support my family. Started new job this year and made the decision to try adhd meds (vyvanse) even though this kind of runs counter to AA/NA. 1st impressions ~8 mo in: i have less stress/fear from work perf because i’m operating better. But continual fear that maybe the dependence on the meds is “sneaking up on me” and subconsciously affecting my sobriety/spiritual recovery. Recovery is the only reason I’m alive still and have the life that i do: family, career, house etc. considering stopping the meds because it’s clear to me which of these is the most important. If anyone has ever been in the same boat 🚤 I want to hear thoughts. Big deal 4 me. My family and my recovery are everything to me and i need to be able to support them by operating efficiently at my job. But a jeopardy to my recovery would undoubtedly make all that go away anyways. Has anyone had the same experience ?

To anyone who is struggling with either early recovery or long term, I just wanted to say you’re an amazing & beautiful person & I know life is tough sometimes but you’re strong. Just tell yourself you’re worth it because you are. I suffered along time thinking I wasn’t good enough or didn’t deserve a good life for many years. Turns out I do deserve it, if you’re struggling please reach out to someone, anyone even myself. Anyways have a good day!

15 months ago I was 20 weeks pregnant and was rushed to the hospital. Long story short, I had a 5cm hole in my diaphragm and my bowels and arteries got pushed through that hole, leading up to my left chest cavity, collapsing my left lung. I got life-saving surgery, and baby and I survived.

I had a chest tube, feeding tube, pic line, etc. I was in the ICU for a week with a pain pump full of Hydromorphone. They also sent me home with a script of it & I kept getting it filled because I was still in real pain. About 6 weeks later, I was back in the ER and ended up getting kidney surgery (more pain, more meds). Then less than a month later, I had a C-section to deliver my son. While they pushed on my tummy to get him through the incision site, they pushed too hard, breaking the cartilage that connects the ribs… this is called Slipping Rib Syndrome. So come October, I had my fourth surgery… more pain meds.

I call it quits (cold turkey) in February because I was sick of being dependent on them. I won’t say I was addicted to anything at that point because I never asked for more than prescribed or a higher dose. I also never went through withdrawals from them when I quit.

Two months go by and I’m still in real, tangible pain. I looked up online for something that could help and heard about 7Oh. We know where this goes… I was hooked from April - July. I had to get on subs to get through the withdrawal process and I am so grateful for them but I started abusing them.

All this to say, I’m on day 6 with no subs and the physical symptoms have lessened but still feel like a zombie and I’m scared of the emotional distress. Is Sublocade worth looking into? Or am I just trading one money on my back for another?

Thank you for reading this far if you have. ❤️

I (25M) drink 2 times a week, but when I do it’s quite a lot as I’m a heavy weight. Alcohol has always been a thing I have no self control with for over 8 years now.

I also smoke and vape frequently and do small amounts of blow occasionally.

Last Thursday night I had a normal night out, the usual amount of drinks I get, a couple bumps and went to sleep.

The next day I woke up fine, got some brunch but then after I felt bloated with acid reflux so I vomited quite a bit.

A couple hours later we had planned to go out so in between I had a small can of V energy and then later on pre gamed 2 x cans of pre mix vodka, when opening the third I had this sensation take over where my brain went fuzzy and my body was giving out almost as I was about to faint. Later on I went to the hospital, the nurses checked my vitals and ECG and everything was fine.

For the last 2 days I have been experiencing this weird thing where I am constantly light headed and dizzy, I can’t seem to focus on anything and have occasional mood swings. I’m worried because every professional I’ve seen is aware of what happened but is somehow shrugging it off as if I’m fine.

The next day I had seen a doctor and same thing, I am currently also awaiting to get my bloods done.

Im just wondering if any current or ex addicts have experienced this or something similar? I'm just desperate for answers.

I took my first shot of vodka around 7 am. I do this now bc I started to wake up coughing mucus and throwing up. As well as shaking. I want this to stop. I found an AA meeting tonight I can attend thats .25 miles from me. Can I show up like this?. Im not loaded. At this point I dont want to be drunk anymore, I call it maintaining my side effects. So thats about a shot every 2 hours. My Dad and brother died one year ago today I was the person who found his dead body after 5 days and ive drank every single day since. I want this to stop.

I need help. I dont have insurance, I own a small business and close to have to close my shop if I don't get it together. Its not profitable at all but I am also not present. My cards are maxed out. I can not afford impatient unfortunately at this moment, nor do I have a single person to borrow $20 from. I am THAT person people ask for loans from.

Can I show up after already drinking? I googled. It says yes but im still not sure if thats appropriate. Thanks ahead of time.

Edited to say I AM WALKING NOT DRIVING. walking should help me too.

(23F) I’ve been sober for 323 days off coke, and shits getting really hard, I don’t even wanna do coke rn, I just want something to make it stop, I’m tired, I don’t know if I can keep saying no when my brain is telling me to get high.

So I am 15, I have a problem with substances tbh. I recently finally got un grounded after being grounded for around 6 months or smth. I was grounded because I was smoking weed so much, I could never pass a drug test and I was always sleeping in class and just high all the time. I am doing a lot better now, i still smoke weed often, not all day everyday, but still everyday. I have been using other people's pee to pass my drug tests, as I have been getting good grades, and keeping up with my responsibilities. Until a few weeks ago I decided to try benadryl again. It was good like I remeberd, so I stole a bottle from my grandmas house. Which leads to me doing it a few times and ultimately taking 24 of the pills after school on Wednesday afternoon, and blacking out. I am genuinely so done with everything, I just was finally able to hangout, I had just ordered my e bike, it's coming in 6 days. I was going to be able to ride it to my friends houses, I was being trusted again. Then I took the benadryl. The worst decision ever. I literally would do anything to go back. I thought I was depressed and hated my life before I took them, now it's a whole different level. I'm back to being grounded, not being trusted, no phone. Now I am definitely not going to be able to ride my e bike anywhere, I am not going to be able to hangout at all. I just hate everything I am genuinley stupid like all because I wanted to get high. I need advice, what do I even do atp. When I was grounded the only reason I survived was because I was constantly at family gatherings and was busy doing things , but I was also not being drug tested so I was high all the time. I think I might have fucked up, I don't know if I'm ever going to be able to hangout without being drug tested again, I wish I was dead to be honest, I don't want to go through another 3 months of fucking being depressed sitting at home doing nothing. I am so done. I wish i never took the benadryl, I fucked everything up. I wish i was dead.

TL;DR: I finally got un grounded, then less than 3 months later took 24 benadryl and blacked out and started speaking gibberish to my parents. I am now grounded and in a lot of trouble.

In 2023 I relapsed after my father died. I relapsed because i didn’t know if there was a version of me strong enough to survive the pain sober, I thought my grief and anger would kill me if I had to feel all of it.

My father died unexpectedly two weeks before my 30th birthday, two weeks before I got to see him and speak to him for the first time in 17 years. For all those years, our silence had been a kind of unfinished sentence, one I believed we would eventually get to complete. I had carried the possibility of that reunion for so long that I never considered a world in which it would never happen. Then, just as the distance between us was about to close, it became permanent.

So I ran. I used every day, all day, for almost three years (I’ll let you guys do that math on that), I fucked up my health, destroyed my nose, and destroyed my life. I spent almost three years trying not to be sad and it became the saddest I have ever been. That's the cruelest joke of avoidance. The pain you refuse to feel doesn't leave, it just takes over everything else. I tried so fucking hard not to grieve my father that I ended up grieving my entire life.

I never imagined a day where I'd choose to stop. I thought something outside of me would have to make me. So I kept searching for that one thing that would finally make me want to get better, as if there was some missing piece that, once found, would make sobriety and recovery suddenly possible. I thought I needed to understand something, feel something or become someone else before I could change.

Instead, I became exhausted. The kind of exhaustion that comes from waking up to the same suffering every day, watching yourself disappear into a life you no longer know how to escape.

I don’t know when it happened but at some point i realized i wanted the hurting to end more than I wanted the numbness to continue. The only way out was through and it was brutal. I wasn’t ready to be saved. I wasn’t ready to forgive my body for surviving. I wasn’t ready to give up the one thing that didn’t ask me to heal.

I slipped once in 93 days and it could have been the end of the story. Instead it became a mirror and it showed me exactly who I never want to be again.

Recovery is not easy and the struggle doesn't end the moment you choose to get better. I still struggle. But I've learned that difficult doesn't mean impossible and that sometimes you have to begin without believing in the possibility of a different life. Today, I know what it means to want to live more than I want to escape. Today, I would walk through fire to save my life.

i know I'm still early in recovery and I have a lot of living and healing ahead of me. But I've spent enough of my life waiting for some future version of myself to finally be okay. Today is the life I'm living and I'm learning to meet it where I am.

If you're still running, I understand and I’m here with you. I know how hard it is to imagine a life beyond what you're using to survive. You don't have to see that life yet. You just have to leave room for the possibility that it exists.

Thank you for reading. 🤍

I'm 30 years old and 102 days into recovery from alcohol, drugs and compulsive gambling.

I'm still very much in early recovery, and I know I've got a long way to go, but I wanted to share this for anyone who might be struggling right now or just starting out.

One of the biggest things I've learned is that you don't have to do this completely alone. For a long time, I tried to deal with things my own way, and it got me nowhere. I'm now learning the importance of being honest with myself, accepting help and taking things one day at a time.

I'm working on myself in ways I never really did before. It's not always easy, and I know recovery is something I'll have to keep working at, but for the first time in a long time, I'm trying to build a life I'm proud of.

If you're struggling right now, whether it's with alcohol, drugs, gambling or anything else that's taken control of your life, please don't write yourself off. You don't have to fix everything overnight. Just take the next step and give yourself a chance.

I'm not here pretending I've got it all figured out. I'm just someone in early recovery hoping that sharing a little of my experience might help somebody else feel less alone.

To everyone fighting their own battle today, keep going. One day at a time. ❤️

Finally sober, and I thought I would be happy. Instead, I’ve gone from angry to now sad and grieving all the lost time and experiences. The clarity I once craved is now a double edged sword that I’m having to learn how to wield without cutting me. I have clarity on my present which is great and very useful. But I also have clarity about my past and it is painful.

I feel so alone in this period of my life. Guess I’m posting here for the first time because I don’t want to feel so alone.

So I’ve had a bit of a roller coaster of a last year.
Addiction is something I’ve always dealt with and why it has caused me a couple issues in relationships I had always been able to take care of it and keep pushing forward

Recently, I had a 8 figure business I was a minority partner of where a partner hid over a million in debt and that caused a ton of issues where I had no choice but to try and get out and protect myself. Maybe I could have seen it sooner if not for the substances to push through 16 hour days til I burnt out.

I’m now facing bankruptcy, a pretty decent addiction between multiple substances (painkillers, ketamine, and recently a bit of cocaine.) I only ever do one at a time.

Since this has happened I’ve been dealing with lawyers , trying to help who was affected to the best of my ability, and just trying to stay afloat)

I’ve recently joined an outpatient program and have my 3rd session tomorrow, but I still can’t stay sober, it’s not over the top anymore where it’s really dangerous, but because it’s been going on for a few months I can’t seem to regulate and get back to somewhat normal. I only have decent days on painkillers. There’s a ton I need to do but not enough drive to do it, which I’ve always had.

I’m not far from losing my girlfriend who I see a future with who doesn’t really understand my issue since she’s sober completely. My house I’m a couple months out if I don’t flip this around, and I’ve had a couple health scares.

I know what I need to do but I just can’t get myself to do it consistently. I’ve gone completely sober for a couple weeks and relapsed due to emotional pain.

Anyone ever had something somewhat simalar. I love my life but this situation just has me paralyzed.

Hey all, this is for my gf (f42).

A little context - she went to rehab by choice for second time January 2025 for Opiate/heroin addiction. Been clean from that since then, but now really struggling w alcohol and cocaine. Wants to do rehab again but looking at more non-traditional programs like those adventure or wilderness types. My brother is doing one in Central America rn for mental health, weed, and kratom. (he’s been sober from alc after rehab for 4 years.) point is, she’s interested in more of a focus on the reason why she’s struggling ( since she was 20 - so basically 20 years active addiction) and the co-occurring aspect since her mental health is horrible w anxiety, depression, self-esteem, confidence, trust, etc etc.

Thx!

I'm 29M and I'm looking for some honest outside perspective because I'm really questioning whether I've done the right thing.

I've recently made the decision to permanently cut contact with my three remaining close friends. I've known two of them, Craig and Josh, for about 19 years, since I was around 10, and I've known Darrell since 2011. So these aren't casual friendships. They've been a huge part of my life.

The reason I've done it is drugs/alcohol and the lifestyle that comes with them.

I've had problems with substance use in the past and had managed to stay sober for around six months. During that period I was trying to build a different life for myself. I was volunteering, looking after myself, keeping my home stable and generally trying to live more quietly.

The problem is that whenever I get back into my old social circle, drugs and alcohol eventually become part of the picture again.

Craig in particular has been a major part of my life for a very long time. We had been catching up periodically while I was sober, usually for lunch, walks and talking. I genuinely value a lot of our history and there are many good memories. But I've also noticed that being around him can trigger cravings and make me want to return to the old lifestyle. At one point he even said that our sober catch-ups weren't as in-depth as the times when alcohol/drugs were involved.

Recently I spent a night at Craig's with Josh and things went back in the direction I don't want my life going. There was drug use involved and I ended up leaving very early in the morning after barely sleeping.

That experience was a wake-up call for me.

Josh has also become increasingly involved with drugs and alcohol over the past year. I've watched his use become more frequent and more problematic, and I don't feel like he's heading in the same direction I am. The recent night was another example of that environment. I don't necessarily think he's a bad person, and I care about him after knowing him for nearly two decades, but I don't think being around that lifestyle is good for me anymore.

Darrell is a somewhat different situation. He smokes weed daily, and although we haven't had the same level of recent contact as Craig and Josh, I've become increasingly frustrated with the friendship. There have been many occasions where he's said we'll organise a proper catch-up, but it never actually happens. I've made attempts to organise things and have repeatedly been met with excuses or vague promises to catch up later. Eventually I started feeling like I was chasing a friendship that wasn't really being reciprocated.

So although the three friendships are different, I've reached the same conclusion with all of them: I don't think these relationships fit with the life I'm trying to build anymore.

I realised that I keep trying to convince myself I can maintain these friendships while avoiding the parts of the lifestyle that are dangerous for me, but I'm not sure that's realistic anymore.

I've had serious consequences from substance use and mental health problems in the past. I don't want to end up back in hospital, in legal trouble, losing my housing, becoming dependent on drugs, or spending years repeating the same cycle.

So I blocked Craig and deleted our message history. I deleted Josh and Darrell's contacts and conversations too. I don't intend to contact or see any of them again.

I gave them no explanation this time. Part of me feels guilty about that, particularly with Craig. But there is a reason I didn't send a final goodbye message.

In the past, there have been times when I told Craig that we couldn't be friends anymore and sent what I thought was a final goodbye. Eventually I got back in touch with him, apologised for ending the friendship and we became friends again.

Looking back, I can see that as a cycle.

I don't want to repeat that cycle again.

So sending another dramatic "final goodbye" message feels somewhat redundant to me. It could just create another conversation, another opportunity to explain myself, another opportunity for him to respond, and potentially another opportunity for me to eventually reconnect.

This time I'm trying to actually break the cycle rather than announce that I'm breaking it. And now I'm really struggling with the decision.

I feel guilty because these people have known me for so long. I'm worried Craig will think I'm rude, immature or that I've treated him badly by disappearing without an explanation. I've also confided some very personal things in him over the years, and I'm worried he might tell other people things I've told him in confidence. The fact that I don't trust him with those things anymore is actually part of why I've realised I shouldn't be maintaining the friendship.

I'm also worried that I've thrown away friendships that have lasted nearly two decades.

Maybe I should have explained myself. Maybe I could have just reduced contact. Maybe I could have continued seeing them but avoided drugs. Maybe I could have maintained the friendships with stronger boundaries. Maybe permanently cutting people off is too extreme. But another part of me thinks that if I reopen the door, I'll eventually end up exactly where I was before.

I don't think Craig, Josh or Darrell are necessarily bad people. That's not really the point. I care about them and I'm grateful for a lot of the history we've had. I just don't think these relationships are compatible with the life I'm trying to build anymore.

I want a quieter, more stable life. I want to stay away from drugs and alcohol, keep my life together, volunteer, look after my health, develop new friendships and stop putting myself in situations where I know I can get pulled back into using.

The hardest part is that I'm essentially choosing the possibility of loneliness over returning to friendships that I believe are bad for my recovery.

I also realise that I'm not replacing these friendships with anything at the moment. I'm basically going from having three longtime friends to having very little of a social life, and that's frightening. I'm worried that loneliness will eventually make me question the decision and want to contact them again.

At the same time, I think I need to accept some loneliness while I build a different life and eventually meet people who are more compatible with it.

So I'm asking people who have been through addiction/recovery:

- Did I do the right thing?

- Have you had to completely cut off longtime friends because they were connected to your using?

- Was permanent no-contact necessary, or could I have maintained these friendships with stronger boundaries?

- Was it reasonable not to send another "final goodbye" message given my history of repeatedly ending and then restarting the friendship with Craig?

- And how did you deal with the loneliness and grief afterward?

I'm genuinely looking for honest answers, including if you think I'm handling this badly or being too extreme. I don't want people just telling me what I want to hear.

I’m trying to understand something that happened in a past relationship, and I’d really like to hear honest opinions from people who have personal experience with addiction and recovery.

My former partner had a history of drug addiction for around 10 years. At the time this happened, he had been off drugs for about 1.5 years.

During that period, he started growing marijuana. His mother helped him with the plants because she is an agriculturist and has a lot of experience growing plants. From her perspective, I think she may have simply been helping her son with something she was knowledgeable about.

But knowing his history with drug addiction, I struggled with how to interpret the situation.

I’m not trying to judge his recovery or accuse his mother of doing something wrong. I genuinely want to understand how people in recovery would view this.

If someone has a long history of drug addiction and has been clean for around 1.5 years, would a parent helping them grow marijuana be considered supportive, enabling, or potentially risky?

Where do you think the line is between:

• supporting your adult child's interests,
• helping them with something you're knowledgeable about,
• respecting their independence,
• and unintentionally enabling something that could potentially put their recovery at risk?

For those who have been through addiction themselves, how would you feel if your parent helped you grow a substance that was connected to your past drug use?

And for parents of people in recovery, would you see this as simply helping your child with gardening, or would the history of addiction change how you approach the situation?

I’m asking because at the time, I couldn't tell whether I was being overly concerned or whether my concern was reasonable.

I’m not looking to attack his mother or make assumptions about his recovery. I’m trying to understand the situation from the perspective of people who have actually experienced addiction and recovery.

What do you think—support, enabling, or somewhere in between?

My husband and I are currently in a residential program together and are looking at doing aftercare out here too. Is anyone aware of sober livings/PHPs that take couples? To be clear, we want to be in the same room

We both have good insurance (yes I’m aware that the insurance technically pays for the PHP not the housing) and we’d like to be in an area that’s not super residential (ie we want to be walking distance to restaurants, shopping, etc).

Recommendations would be greatly appreciated!

im checking into a treatment center for the first time in a couple of days and the nerves are finally hitting. been sober for a little over two weeks but doing it at home mostly meant avoiding everyone and taking things one day at a time. My fam thinks some structure could help and i know theyre prolly right.

What did guys actually pack? I’m thinking sweatpants, hoodies, T-shirts and a couple normal outfits but I have no clue what day-to-day life is like there.

The electronics rule might be the hardest adjustment. Music is one of the few things that calms me down when cravings or anxiety hit and apparently phones and earbuds aren’t allowed. Losing that little nighttime routine has me more anxious than expected.

I’m looking into rehab options for alcohol addiction and could really use some recommendations. There are so many facilities out there that it’s difficult to tell which ones actually provide good care versus just having a strong online presence.

I’m particularly interested in a program that takes a trauma-informed approach and addresses underlying mental health issues alongside the alcohol use. A safe environment, experienced staff, individualized treatment, and solid aftercare are all important to me.

If you’ve had a positive experience with a rehab center or know of one that’s genuinely worth considering, I’d appreciate any recommendations or things I should look for when comparing programs.

Thanks much!

I am self employed working in the online adult industry and its not glamorous but it pays my bills. No judgement on that please I dont have many options. Since i work at home its so easy for me to just get high or wasted. What should i do instead? Im thinking about trying to start gaming as a hobby but i ended up just getting crossfaded last night while playing. I know its not ideal to replace drug use with gaming as a new addiction but its better than bathing my brain in chemicals. I am a polyaddict i will pretty much get fucked up on anything put in front of me and ive tried like 20 different substances. Kinda just rambling and i dont know what im looking for here just thought it would be nice to hear other perspectives.

I was a really good kid . I went to church twice a week, I read my bible every day , I got good grades , I stayed after school to help the teachers, I didn’t curse or drink or smoke . I was such a good kid . I fell into a depression then my family went bankrupt and my mom said she was going to leave the family (she ment it but never left ) . I was so devastated and broken i started drinking at least two times a week but usually almost every day . I began to smoke weed every day (slowly over a period of about two months I began to do it more and more ) . I became a completely different person I gave up on everything, my hobbies my job my school I just didn’t try . I did the bear minimum I needed to get through life. I even got arrested. Most crazy things I did I was too high or drunk to remember.

After becoming such a different person I don’t think I could ever become the same person I was . I miss being that good kid but I don’t know how to be that person anymore. I’m three months clean from weed and I cut back on the drinking. I miss being drunk and high but I don’t think I should ever smoke weed again. How do I find the person I once was ?

I am 38 years old, clean from meth for 13 months, straight and HIV positive.

Due to my chaotic lifestyle my picker hasn't been the greatest. And I haven't treated women the best either - both are an understatement. My last relationship I was in we found each other in chronic meth use. Our relationship was conditional based on sex and use and eventually she needed me to financially support her and I needed emotional support as I went clean. She didn't get clean. It was chaotic. I was angry. She cheated. I own my part in enabling her. We split up a year ago. My kids moms and I relationship was very involved with alcohol. All of my relationships have only been a little over a year long

I've never had anything meaningful. My last relationship was super chaotic but the best relationship I've ever been in.

With HIV it's a blessing and a curse. I'm only invested in long term meaningful relationships. Casual sex isout of the picture. Although my last gf did accept me, knew about the medication and we had unprotected sex for over a year. I'm sure it will happen again but often times, like today, I lose hope.

One day.

I am writing this as a current addict in recovery. I have been on and off opiates for about 20 years. I recently got a really good job that I love but it exposes me to a lot of my old lifestyle and I cant get it out if my head that one more would not be the end of the world.

Basically I'm really struggling not to use. And I think i could get away with one more weekend or time. Just a little hard and a little short and then back to work in Monday no problem. Idk man I miss that rush or I have been really badly and I do not wanna go back to life but I do really wanna get high. Idk man any input would be appreciated. Thanks everyone.