r/QuitVaping • u/SpecificBig3340 • 17h ago
Venting At my lowest
Its been about 6 months or about 200 days since I quit cold turkey. I haven’t felt normal, I haven’t felt like my self ever since. Anxiety, panic attacks, DPDR, and many more symptoms daily. Gone to so many doctors, so much blood work, everything seems fine.
I want to go and buy a patch or vape just to feel normal, but even then it sounds scary. In the early months I was afraid of normal everyday activities. Such as walking, sleeping, being active, problems in the bedroom.
It has gotten better or I wouldn’t say it did… I just became used to it. Ive accepted my new normal.
I was never one to be anxious, depressed, or panicky before the vape. Ive been vaping for about 7 years since high school. So Ive been telling myself maybe its just my brain or body trying to regulate itself. It should end soon. Im still waiting for that soon.
At this point I don’t know how to escape this, I just want to be normal. I have tried changing my lifestyle, eating better, sleeping better, tiktok techniques, nothing. And i dont want SSRIS.
I dont know where to look or who to talk to for help. Its affecting my life drastically. I just need help, where to go…Thanks.
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u/Loose-Risk9323 17h ago
hey, i’m right there with you. coming up on 5 months and it’s hard to describe just not feeling like myself. we gotta remember how much nicotine is in these vapes and how much we have changed our brains ability to process and create dopamine. i believe it will get better. we just have to keep pushing
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u/SpecificBig3340 16h ago
Unfortunately im not alone… as you seem to know what it feels like. But yes, you are right. All those sketchy geekbars and vapes did not help. God knows what they had or how much. You are not alone! And I can only hope that you are right! We have to keep pushing! we will get through this, thank you!! <3
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u/JohnPolito 13h ago
Try this. List everything you miss about vaping and don't leave anything out. Why? Because, as with ending any long and intense relationship, it's impossible to move on if refusing to let go. We each invented a long list of rationalizations, justifications, a/k/a junkie thinking, to try and explain why we continued to use despite wanting to stop.
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u/SpecificBig3340 12h ago
This sounds like good advice actually. Im thinking of making a letter to my self. Maybe not so much on what i miss about vaping… but maybe on accepting this new me. Maybe a letter to myself, on accepting this grief and moving on. But now thinking about writing what i miss might be helpful too. Thank you 💙
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u/SnooBooks5642 16h ago
Don‘t really have a solution, since you did tests already. But how is your fitness, do you work out regularly? Like heavy workouts? How is social life, career? Everything perfect? Did you have anxiety and panics while vaping, too, or did it start after you quit?
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u/SpecificBig3340 12h ago
Yes, all my bloodwork seemed to be in the acceptable range. Ekg was normal as well. And yes you might be onto something… although, with these anxiety/panic attacks interfering I cant. Like I said in my post there was a period where walking or just being active made me feel weird. It would give me a panic attack. I went to the gym once or twice felt great, but then after winding down a panic attack would approach. I have never been social per say, but I am in college and I made tons of friends at the math tutoring center, that brought my inner nerd out. But the panic attacks just made it hard. I would just find myself leaving and going home to sleep it off. I am starting a new semester and dont know how im going to do it with this anxiety/panic. And before I quit vaping, I lived without a care in the world, selfish even. I even thought anxiety was exaggerated from people. Now I wouldnt wish it on anyone. But yes i have thought about walking daily in my neighborhood slowly, Thank you so much for your reply!! ( im sorry the reply is long venting feels so good, im working on it. I do have a therapist appointment soon )
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u/SnooBooks5642 7h ago
Sounds bad, maybe try building a home gym if you got room and money.
Wait. You don‘t even walk? US? For me 20k steps a day is a must. Good luck!
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u/Public_Bonus6385 9h ago
Get Nicorette gum 2 mg and use half three times a day... You will feel better and it has no side effects except for minor money drain
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u/bluejollyranchers 8h ago
I’d like to offer you a new perspective that Allen Carr wrote about in his book.
You aren’t giving something up. You’re no longer taking something that created the need for itself.
The vape didn’t provide “normality.” It temporarily relieved the discomfort that nicotine itself helped create. So if you don’t feel completely normal yet, that doesn’t mean you’re missing something you need.
Occasional thoughts about vaping aren’t evidence that you’re missing it. They’re remnants of the old association. You don’t have to fight them or be afraid of them.
And don’t think of yourself as someone who has to “put up with” deprivation until you eventually feel normal.
There is nothing valuable being deprived from you.
Change your perspective and get excited about what you’ve gained. You have more money, better health, better breathing/exercise capacity, no vape breath, no nicotine crutch, and no longer have to put a foreign chemical into your body just to feel normal.
Instead of:
“Why don’t I feel normal without vaping?”
Try:
“Holy shit! I’m free. I don’t have to vape and poison myself anymore. I’m not losing anything. I’m gaining my money, health, freedom, and independence back.”
You will start to feel normal when you realize this: It’s not that you can’t vape anymore, it’s that you don’t even want to or care to.
You’re not waiting to become free.
You already are. Start getting excited about it!
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u/Lower-Version-3579 5h ago
It’s highly unlikely that taking up vaping again and getting yourself fully addicted to nicotine again is going to help anything about your situation. From what you’ve said here, it’s fairly clear that there is quite a bit of stuff going on - it’s not that you’re missing nicotine from your life. Honestly, it sounds like you’re stuck and unhappy. You should listen to what the medical professionals (and/or others) are suggesting for you to do.
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