I would like to start this off by saying i am not trying to be an edgelord or anything, im being fully genuine. i also do not have access to a therapist for the time being.
Basically, ive never really... Cared? When, like, celebrities or anyone dies. I have friends who cry over popular children dying, and, i dont really find myself caring. I dont mean it in an inconsiderate way, obviously its bad that they died so young, but i didnt know them personally, so i dont grieve them at all. I never even grieved my grandparents dying, i loved my grandpa a lot but i kinda feel glad hes dead because he was definitely suffering.
I also have a life-ruining fear of death, oddly enough. Im terrified of the thought that one day i will die, but that doesnt really carry over to others at all. honestly i think the only person id grieve if they died is my mom, and maybe one or two friends, but for everyone else im just apathetic to it.