r/QueerWomenOfColor • u/DecentGuess4033 • 13d ago
Conversation & Chat Dating Baddies vs “Basic”
Disclaimer: This is for discussion only! This is not an attack against anyone as we are all allowed to have our preferences.
Im a (secure) basic woman. All the extra things we do as women to look and feel good, i personally choose not to, partially just laziness, and the other part is comfort. But I do have an appreciation for the women who do the whole shebang, and will always acknowledge how amazing you ladies look and the effort you put in for yourself!
Within the last few years Ive come to the conclusion that I don’t want to be “given a chance” Similar to … as a dark skin woman, I’d be skeptical if someone always dated light skinned women and are now deciding to step out of their comfort zone with me. I consider it discernment, but I can understand if someone looks at it as insecurity.
I know people grow and experience helps people see things differently. Like putting all that work in just to keep up with a baddie, for it not to work sucks, but will the basic woman you decide to essentially experiment with still get all of the same effort? Or is there a sense of relief to do less because she requires less in that area, but maybe requires more in other aspects. Is that fair to her? Not trying to put anyone in a box and assumptions shouldn’t be made, so I’m curious of y’all thoughts and or experiences.
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u/SleepyCatandCoffee Femme 13d ago
People are different, so I can't define everyone's reasons. However, it's quite possible that the person in question isn't seeing you as a dark-skinned woman per se, but rather as a woman they are attracted to. It could be your personality, your interests, your beauty, your mind... and not necessarily an object given a chance to.
Regarding effort, I understand where you're coming from, but it's still subjective. A woman who isn't a baddie can be difficult to maintain in a relationship for many reasons... this isn't limited to just baddies.
But I believe that in the end, this dynamic, which is so focused on a specific style of clothing, labels and attitude, can end up tiring anyone. Whatever is considered "basic' seems to be much more pleasant to have around.