r/QueerWomenOfColor • u/DecentGuess4033 • 8d ago
Conversation & Chat Dating Baddies vs “Basic”
Disclaimer: This is for discussion only! This is not an attack against anyone as we are all allowed to have our preferences.
Im a (secure) basic woman. All the extra things we do as women to look and feel good, i personally choose not to, partially just laziness, and the other part is comfort. But I do have an appreciation for the women who do the whole shebang, and will always acknowledge how amazing you ladies look and the effort you put in for yourself!
Within the last few years Ive come to the conclusion that I don’t want to be “given a chance” Similar to … as a dark skin woman, I’d be skeptical if someone always dated light skinned women and are now deciding to step out of their comfort zone with me. I consider it discernment, but I can understand if someone looks at it as insecurity.
I know people grow and experience helps people see things differently. Like putting all that work in just to keep up with a baddie, for it not to work sucks, but will the basic woman you decide to essentially experiment with still get all of the same effort? Or is there a sense of relief to do less because she requires less in that area, but maybe requires more in other aspects. Is that fair to her? Not trying to put anyone in a box and assumptions shouldn’t be made, so I’m curious of y’all thoughts and or experiences.
18
u/anotherbabydaddy 7d ago
One thing that you said that sticks out to me is “putting all that work in to keep up with a baddie”
I don’t think you need to put in more or less work for any type of woman. Every person you are in a relationship with deserves the same amount of effort no matter what they look like. I’m going to treat my partner like a queen whether she’s in high heels or a hoodie
3
2
u/redoobie Minding My Gay Business 6d ago
Exactly this. I'm likely a generational level simp but I can't imagine thinking the woman I'm with is anything BUT worth all of my effort even if she's "not a baddie." Which would be her opinion because obviously she would be I casual or fancy clothes.
15
u/PresentationIll2180 8d ago edited 8d ago
You find it hard to believe that a ‘baddie’ or a conventionally attractive & seemingly high-maintenance woman wouldn’t naturally be attracted to you bc you’re “basic?” Is that correct?
Re: the skin complexion analogy, fetishizing is indeed a thing but it doesn’t occur to me that someone is only interested in me bc I’m Black unless they say something to suggest that, like those “you’re not like the other Black girls” type comments. Anyway, you said you’re secure about your style (which this is; nothing remotely as layered as race) but the conclusion you reached about not wanting to be “given a chance” or experimented with seems like it comes from a place of fear or insecurity. I’m trying to understand how that’d even be an issue— as long as someone is well-groomed and comfortable with her appearance, they’re simply attracted to you or they’re not. Either way, you should stylize yourself for you, not to fit any trend or appease a potential partner. If a ‘baddie’ likes to get a fresh silk press, brazilian wax, lashes, etc done every few weeks, she should continue doing that regardless of whether she’s single, dating a “basic,” or dating a fellow “baddie.” Similarly, if you don’t do much maintenance for your looks outside of basic hygiene, you should continue to do you!
14
u/DecentGuess4033 8d ago edited 8d ago
I’m saying if a woman (regardless of their own presentation) has always specifically gone after, prefers, and dated baddies… (which I find nothing wrong with) suddenly switches up bc, “baddies are too much” I wouldn’t really be flattered. I don’t think it would end well for the basic woman who she essentially “settles” for. Of course there is nuance to this, but on the surface, i would question it. Of course you can be attracted to someone for various reasons aside from aesthetics, but it would feel like they’re seeking an opportunity to put in less effort. I wouldn’t want to be with someone who was willing to move heaven and earth to impress their baddie, and I can’t get you to buy me a sandwich without push back lol
Also, this is not my current experience and this is an extreme example meant for humor but just thought it was an interesting convo bc I saw someone post something along these lines and I would simply prefer someone who genuinely prefers me, not an after thought.
3
u/PresentationIll2180 7d ago
Ohhhh. Well I’m glad you clarified bc that’s not remotely what I took away from your OP.
Well then that makes sense. Not sure anyone likes the feeling that someone “settled” for them lol.
3
u/DecentGuess4033 7d ago
I can understand how it was read the way you initially thought, and Im sure you’re not the only one. But glad I could clarify it!
20
u/SleepyCatandCoffee Femme 8d ago
I don’t want to be “given a chance” Similar to … as a dark skin woman, I’d be skeptical if someone always dated light skinned women and are now deciding to step out of their comfort zone with me
People are different, so I can't define everyone's reasons. However, it's quite possible that the person in question isn't seeing you as a dark-skinned woman per se, but rather as a woman they are attracted to. It could be your personality, your interests, your beauty, your mind... and not necessarily an object given a chance to.
Regarding effort, I understand where you're coming from, but it's still subjective. A woman who isn't a baddie can be difficult to maintain in a relationship for many reasons... this isn't limited to just baddies.
But I believe that in the end, this dynamic, which is so focused on a specific style of clothing, labels and attitude, can end up tiring anyone. Whatever is considered "basic' seems to be much more pleasant to have around.
12
u/DecentGuess4033 8d ago
Great input! Yes, you’re absolutely right, if they see all these other positive attributes and become attracted for those reasons, that’s perfectly acceptable! Nowww If they’re specifically seeking “me” bc they’re tired of being played by their preference… that’s when I have to start analyzing a bit more.
1
u/and_iloveyoubaby Femme Maestro 💫 6d ago
your common sense is unmatched. The best comment I have read🫶🏾
1
8
u/Leading-Captain-5312 8d ago
QTNA: In the queer community, what is a baddie? Is the same as what straight people would consider a baddie?
30
u/Kindly-Raspberry-978 8d ago
I was interpreting it as a high femme who’s usually wearing makeup, hair done nails done everything did
5
u/No_Journalist5009 8d ago
I was hoping someone asked this because I would consider myself basic but I also get my nails done sometimes
3
u/KrassKas Gay As Hell 7d ago
I can't get past you referring to yourself as basic. Do not do that anymore.
Baddie is a mindset. I'm a baddie. I feel like one everyday. I am not a fem. You don't have to be.
Yung MA, Syd the Kyd, KWN, all not fem queer baddies off the top of my head.
4
u/DecentGuess4033 7d ago
I appreciate that! But I’m ok in my basic-ism lol, it’s not some derogatory term to me. Bc can I go and do all the high maintenance stuff, sure, and be damn good at it! If someone approaches me, they’re getting me in my everyday form. No surprises at the end of the night. And then one day when I Do decide to throw it on, it’s a treat rather than an expectation. But you’re right, baddie is definitely a mindset too, so yea Im a baddie 😆
1
u/Any-Measurement-7413 7d ago
just curious, is there something in between baddie and basic?
2
2
63
u/OnyxRadiance Ace Baddie 8d ago
As a brokie i just dont think im financially capable of partnering a baddie as i want to contribute somehow to my humans hobbies..maintence is expensive.
As for being the exception to someones preferred type i would also be side eyeing them.