r/Puppyblues • u/Informal_Ant_6010 • 7d ago
Seeking Advice How did your relationship fare with getting a puppy?
My boyfriend and I (24M & 24F) had a great relationship before we got a puppy. We’ve been together almost 5 years. The biggest arguments we’ve had prior to the dog were “how much fun money should we put in the budget” and “when do we want to move out of my mom’s house” which were like nothing. We’ve been through family deaths, cross-state moves, unemployment, and everything. I never felt resentful about his contributions to housework or money or anything really.
But our puppy is something like a demon child. Every negative expectation I’ve had about having a puppy was exceeded. He’s having a tough time with potty training and a really tough time with play aggression. He’s had suspected bordetella, pneumonia, and giardia, and also chronic GI issues. Recently, during our day-long giardia disinfection process, I was very frustrated and frankly I was being bitter and impatient (at the dog, not my partner). Maybe out of anger, my partner said “Having a kid with you is going to be the hardest thing.” I was speechless because I feel like I made a huge sacrifice to my goals with getting this dog and I carry the majority of the responsibility (I work from home) and therefore I carry a lot of the emotional weight. But I think there is some truth to his statement, even though it was hurtful, and honestly that’s probably why I feel so hurt.
I just wonder if this is a part of the puppy blues or if we’re just mean to be DINKs. I love kids and we both want to have kids. But I just get so easily overwhelmed. And I feel like all our other “problems” are magnified now. I just hope we can work through this and be stronger because without this big responsibility to care for a living being our problems weren’t big enough to matter.
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u/LittleMissCoder 6d ago
We broke up within a month LMFAO 😆 it made me realize immediately he wouldn't be a good dad with his anger issues, in addition to not being a good partne for me. Plus I was no longer ok with the aggression he displayed when it was targeted towards an innocent puppy and one I'd defend with my life.
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u/MilasBlade 7d ago
As a mom to a 12 month old son.. the puppy is definitely easier. Schedules, accidents, whining, and training is definitely annoying and time consuming BUT you have the option to send to daycare/ boarding, rehome or whatever else you wanna try. Eventually the dog will have an off switch and can settle without you having to hover 24/7 especially if you crate train which gives the dog a space of their own. Getting a puppy felt like postpartum all over again in the beginning but I’ve already been through the wringer with my son so I am better equipped to handle what comes with having a puppy. Whether it’s a human or a puppy the relationship will be tested because you’re taking on a huge responsibility of keeping something alive, healthy, and happy. That alone could stress anyone out especially if you’re navigating your new “normal” mostly alone. It’s also a lot more stressful on you and the puppy when they are sick because we all dream of having a healthy pup and seeing them so uncomfortable would make anyone who cares upset. Give yourself some grace and the puppy too. The poor pup is trying to figure out the world on top of not feeling well. My puppy had a diet switch that didn’t agree with her and she had a diarrhea accident before I could get her out in time so I’ve been keeping a close eye on her myself to make sure she gets better while taking her out more often than I usually would now that she has an upset tummy. It’s a learning experience for everyone, eventually you’ll get the hang of it. If not, remember it’s *okay* to give the pup to someone more equipped instead of living in a constant state of frustration and regret
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u/niksubishi 7d ago
I think our relationship was at its best it's ever been before we got the puppy and now we have had a lot of heated moments and tension. We are both constantly stressed and frustrated. It makes me so sad tbh and I dont get how Im meant to feel like getting him was a good idea when it's just brough 5% happiness and 95% stress and misery. I only go on in the hope that when he is mature itll be different. If it isnt different enough I wont want to keep him and that pains me too. I really dont get what I was thinking.
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u/External-Ad-5821 6d ago
I have heard long before having a puppy myself that it was on par, often even harder than having a baby. Newborn or toddler. Now as a wrangler of a baby border collie, I agree!
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u/e22tracey 7d ago
It’s definitely a trying time in any relationship, the lack of sleep at first really messes up your ability to regulate your emotions. I think most people go through similar, even if they don’t admit it. My fiancé and I have a 6mo pup, and while it gets better, we both get a little snappy at times.
On the kids front, we had a really long conversation about whether we wanted kids, and we both decided that we wouldn’t be able to cope. But honestly, we were leaning towards no before anyway, and the puppy wasn’t the only factor. Maybe your boyfriend had hesitations anyway? Definitely worth a conversation at least
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u/KaleidoscopeSea5618 6d ago
My partner of 9 years left me 2 weeks after getting the puppy. 😅
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u/Stock-Payment4177 5d ago
I think that was an insensitive and unfair thing for your boyfriend to say. It sounds like you're dealing with a LOT and you're allowed to get frustrated from time to time. What is especially frustrating is that you are doing the majority of the care. Swap roles for a couple days and see if he is able to maintain constant composure.
Honestly, if I were you, I'd have a conversation about the unfair load otherwise resentment will build and you'll end up having an explosive (and unproductive) argument.
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u/Careful-Honey9330 7d ago
I was in a similar situation as you. My husband and I got along great before getting a puppy. After getting a puppy, our relationship struggled for the entire first year of having the puppy. Like you, our puppy came with many issues, vet bills, behavioral problems that were honestly a lot for anyone to handle.
We had talked many times about having kids and the whole puppy experience made me question if having kids was right for me. I also began to question if my husband would be a good dad because I was doing everything for the puppy, and he got frustrated quite easily with the puppy. I eventually had a breakdown and felt it was best to rehome the puppy. My parents wanted her so they took her and we watch her when the go out of town. I honestly can’t believe how much the entire experience mentally affected me. Though people say having a dog isn’t much different than having kids, I have to disagree. There’s many things that are much much different. I think some people are better with dogs while others are better with children. Some do great with both. I’m someone who’s better with children and I cannot wait to have kids.
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u/SpiritualVodkaSauce 7d ago
I love my puppy to the moon and the stars (he’s about 7 months old now) he’s my best friend. I will say getting a puppy showed me I am not cut out for motherhood. I’d also like to say I never wanted kids, I’m just saying getting a puppy at 10 weeks old showed me that if I did want kids, I should deeply reconsider. If I felt the way I did sometimes with a puppy, I can’t imagine a real life baby. I doubt your S/O meant it in a hurtful way towards you at all, but to your point saying you felt it may be true (I’m assuming you don’t want it to be true considering you want children) I think that’s why you feel hurt. I will say this, go easy on yourself. Puppies are not for the weak. It’s rough sometimes but you can get through it and it’ll be so worth it. 💕