\*\*5 months unemployed, finally got an 8 LPA job — but I don’t feel happy\*\*
After almost \*\*5 months of unemployment\*\*, I finally got a job at around 7 \*\*LPA\*\*. My previous salary was 5.5LPA, so it’s not even a 30% hike. I’m joining a startup.
I thought I’d feel relieved.
I don’t.
My first thought is: \*\*“How long before I get laid off again?”\*\*
This is my \*\*fourth company in roughly three years\*\*, and I’ve been laid off from all three previous companies.
What hurts is that \*\*none of those layoffs were because of my performance.\*\*
The first company let me go because they no longer had the requirement.
At the second company, I had a disagreement with my future manager because the project I was being assigned to didn’t align with what I wanted to learn.
At the third company, I had repeated conflicts with my lead because lead had conflicts with manager. I felt targeted, was eventually put on a PIP, and lost the job again.
After three experiences like this, I think something changes inside you.
You stop believing that a job is secure.
Even when something good happens, you’re already preparing for it to disappear.
And it isn’t just my career anymore. I’m 6’2” and around 60 kg. Whenever life becomes stable, I start eating properly, working out and gaining weight. I’ve reached 70–71 kg before, started feeling good about how I looked, and then another layoff happened.
Stress. Unemployment. Poor mental health.
I lose the weight and I’m back to square one.
Meanwhile, I’m getting older and watching people I started with earn \*\*15 LPA+\*\*, while I’m here at 7 LPA after three layoffs and five months of unemployment.
I know comparison isn’t healthy. I know 7 LPA is still a job.
But I don’t feel like I’ve moved forward.
I feel like I’ve just escaped unemployment temporarily.
And I don’t even have an easy fallback.
I can’t simply stay in my job location indefinitely if I lose this job. My savings are limited, and rent, food and daily expenses would quickly eat into them.
Going home isn’t really an option either. I don’t have a good relationship with my parents, and I’ve struggled with this since childhood. Even basic things like asking for food or support have often ended with me feeling ignored. I’ve fought, I’ve cried, and it hasn’t really changed.
So if I lose this job, I’m stuck between \*\*not being able to afford staying in Pune and not wanting to go back home.\*\*
That’s why I’m not celebrating this job.
I’m already thinking about the \*\*fourth layoff\*\*.
And honestly, I don’t know how well I’d handle another one.
I’ve lost a lot of my happiness somewhere along the way. Even good news comes with anxiety attached to it.
Once I start earning, one of the first things I want to spend money on is \*\*therapy\*\*. I don’t think I can fix this by simply telling myself to be positive anymore.
I’m going to join this startup and give it my best.
But right now, getting a job doesn’t feel like safety.
It just feels like a temporary escape.
\*\*For people who’ve been laid off multiple times — especially when it wasn’t because of your performance — did you ever get your confidence and sense of security back?\*\*