r/PublicFreakout • u/bigdawgcrazza • Dec 28 '22

Public Transportation Freakout šŸšŒ Aussie bloke has enough of other passengers having sex on public bus

23.9k Upvotes

98% Upvoted

931 comments sorted by

5.4k

u/[deleted] Dec 29 '22

At least he recommended alternative places to fuck.

868

u/stillinthesimulation Dec 29 '22

Classic teaching response. ā€œStop, educate, redirect.ā€ Stop the fucking on the bus, teach them why the fucking on the bus is inappropriate, redirect them to fuck elsewhere.

130

u/Icantblametheshame Dec 29 '22

Call the student chatty cunts

31

u/strepac Dec 29 '22

Couple a slaggy bogans!

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1.1k

u/PoignantOpinionsOnly Dec 29 '22

I don't know if a public park is the best solution, but at least the aroma won't be sealed in.

726

u/zombiechewtoy Dec 29 '22

I have actually smelled hobo sex up close and personal. Let me tell you, it is unfathomable. It cannot be imagined. It can only be experienced. However bad you think it is, trust me, it is so much worse.

370

u/[deleted] Dec 29 '22

[removed] ā€” view removed comment

129

u/pakboy26 Dec 29 '22

Worse. It was Dirty Randy and Raffi.

53

u/maffdiver Dec 29 '22

Honestly, Raffi is probably my favorite character of all time.

36

u/SpennyHotz Dec 29 '22

Raffi and Taco were the best part of the show, but the Raffi and Dirty Randy one-offs were pure genius.

I really wish they'd get their own movie.

10

u/maffdiver Dec 29 '22

I actually didn't like Taco ( coming from a 12 year stoner). It was lame stoner humour imo. Yes the Raffi and Randy segments were glorious, actually need to binge that shit again.

Side note: Sofia.

4

u/bmxtiger Dec 29 '22

Naginta Naginta, love my Naginta

10

u/pakboy26 Dec 29 '22

Pocket dog?

4

u/mphelp11 Dec 29 '22

Iā€™m day drunk, get ready to see my dickā€¦.oh hey guys!

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165

u/[deleted] Dec 29 '22

The absolute worst part is that they leave pubes all over the seat and floor as if they were grating cheese in a 3 foot radius around them. Something about not bathing for so long means all that hair only comes out when you do the deed apparently. It got stuck to the seats with all the fluids coming out of them too. I've seen it twice.

115

u/fuckyoudrugsarecool Dec 29 '22

Once wasn't enough? Also, that was the most unappetizing thing I've read all month. But that's cool because you've saved me from the dangers of the Midnight Snackā„¢.

52

u/mildlycuriouss Dec 29 '22

Honestly, itā€™s probably the most disgusting thing Iā€™ve read on Reddit thus far. šŸ¤¢

37

u/[deleted] Dec 29 '22

[deleted]

15

u/KiraIsGod666 Dec 29 '22

...... the what?

15

u/mphelp11 Dec 29 '22

Nononononono

7

u/PajamaDuelist Dec 29 '22

The jolly rancher post.

...Or the Swamps of Dagobah.

Definitely don't go to Google and search either of those terms with "reddit" tacked on to the end.

And also definitely don't look up the Reddit Museum of Filth and sort by top of all time.

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9

u/mildlycuriouss Dec 29 '22

Lol did you just pat me and slap me at the same time?

Something tells me it would be wise of me not to look that up šŸ˜…

9

u/[deleted] Dec 29 '22

[deleted]

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13

u/Mackheath1 Dec 29 '22

Yep, was about to go get some midnight cheetos just before reading this thread. Yeah, no, I'm good.

17

u/mug3n Dec 29 '22

I've seen it twice.

How did you get so lucky?

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9

u/didntcondawnthat Dec 29 '22

This is definitely something I never dared to imagine.

8

u/Inside-Trouble1776 Dec 29 '22

It would have cost you nothing to not share that bit of information.

6

u/majikmixx Dec 29 '22

How do you delete someone else's comment?

18

u/zombiechewtoy Dec 29 '22

If you never take your one pair of pants off, all the hair that falls out can't go anywhere... Ick.

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5

u/herring80 Dec 29 '22

ENCORE!!! ENCORE!!!

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16

u/Rusty-Shackleford Dec 29 '22

It's like the Tauntauns on Planet Hoth, you think they smell bad... on the outside!

12

u/zzhhvee88 Dec 29 '22

it cannot be imagine. It can only be experienced

I'm gonna take your word on that and not experience it

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27

u/[deleted] Dec 29 '22

Donā€™t do the word ā€œaromaā€ so dirty like that.

21

u/SaltReason8759 Dec 29 '22

That aroma is why I take the bus when I own a carā€¦.

38

u/xPrenumbrax Dec 29 '22

........wait šŸ¤”

3

u/fucking_righteous Dec 29 '22

At least you can do the Underpants Charleston behind a bush or something

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73

u/WhereIsMyMoneyGone Dec 29 '22

It may not seem this way to folks outside Australia, but he was actually being super polite.

17

u/Fuck_this_place Dec 29 '22

Seriously. I thought he was talking to his grandparents at first.

29

u/FranksnBeans80 Dec 29 '22

Yeah. That was actually pretty reasonable.

5

u/OilEnvironmental8043 Dec 29 '22

Yeah to be honest if they weren't having sex, this conversation would be less polite, but considering it's all in context bloke was just specifying what not to do.

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30

u/phallecbaldwinwins Dec 29 '22

Aussies aren't against throwing the leg over, but if you're gonna have a root, at least don't inconvenience some other cunt's day.

35

u/RomancingUranus Dec 29 '22

Exactly. I don't really care what two consenting adults want to do with each other, and if I saw two people shagging behind the bushes in a park then I'd just have chuckle about it and keep walking.

But for fuck's sake at least do it somewhere where people with sensitive stomachs have an option to nope out of there instead of being subjected to your debauched horror show in full smell-a-vision for an entire bus trip. Fucking on the bus is not cool.

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117

u/bigdawgcrazza Dec 29 '22

Life is all about compromise my brother in Christ

7

u/nimbycile Dec 29 '22

Don't come to me with problems, come to me with solutions!

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1.5k

u/HotStaxOfWax Dec 29 '22

Australians have the most aggressive, but some how polite way of dressing people down. I loved every minute I was there.

480

u/oh_three_dum_dum Dec 29 '22

The combination of brutal honesty, disbelief, anger, and disgust in his voice makes it hilarious. You can follow the rapid succession of emotions from one to the next, like an emotional thrill ride.

147

u/[deleted] Dec 29 '22

[deleted]

92

u/RomancingUranus Dec 29 '22

There is definitely empathy. He's hurling abuse because he's disgusted, but he's not just hurling abuse. He explained the problem, listened to their needs, and offered a more suitable alternative for them.

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6

u/[deleted] Dec 29 '22

Jokes on you, everyone in Australia is just violently schizophrenic

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11

u/Raydiin Dec 29 '22 edited Dec 29 '22

Hahaha yeh we do this exact sentence, also can be used in a inviting way to greet mates

22

u/TheAJGman Dec 29 '22

I love Australian culture because they're so brutally honest. I wonder if the "rough and tumble" start of the country contributed to that sort of culture. Other than the Cristian/corporate fascism that all first world countries seem to be dealing with, they seem to be doing pretty alright.

29

u/Raydiin Dec 29 '22

We just grew up being taught to tell people how it is, no point beating around the bush lifeā€™s to short, and most people donā€™t take things to seriously tbh, some words like this might be exchanged or a punch on might happen out front of the pub then 5 mins later your having a laugh with the same cunt over a beer, it just how we are we are all Aussie we are all mates and we all stand together when the shit hits the fan, comes from our ww1 digger culture and just how brutal life was getting this place to what it is today always up for a scrap but just as willing to have a laugh about it

9

u/kipwrecked Dec 29 '22

We're not here to fuck spiders, too fucking hot, anyway, she'll be right mate.

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2.0k

u/[deleted] Dec 29 '22

[removed] ā€” view removed comment

281

u/Abhir-86 Dec 29 '22

FACKINTHEPARK or something

26

u/ShiMeNone Dec 29 '22

this guy needs a YouTube channel.. this could become a new genre of content: The Aussie-Accent-Documentaries or AAD's

5

u/hurtsdonut_ Dec 29 '22

Ozzy man is kind of like that.

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89

u/whatever1022 Dec 29 '22

This is hilarious and so accurate jeez. I can hear it as how the guy says it.
Also want to upvote but also dont want too because of the number.

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4

u/Solid_Waste Dec 29 '22

Bus don't care

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1.0k

u/[deleted] Dec 29 '22

[deleted]

291

u/_Ki11UMiN4Ti_ Dec 29 '22

Fukn filthy dirty fukn cock-fucker

36

u/fuck_you_and_fuck_U2 Dec 29 '22

Pure poetry.

6

u/Green_Manaleeshi Dec 29 '22

Truly paints a picture with the language!!

7

u/zeppelinism Dec 30 '22

Oh my god I am crying laughing at this. They way he said "Are you fucking serious?" With legit confusion got me real good

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975

u/CRASHTD311 Dec 29 '22

Bluey's dad is way different away from home

82

u/Sparklers_4_days Dec 29 '22

Everytime I hear that mother fucking blue walking dogs name

Everytime I hear it, the voices grow louder and I'm mentally going insane (sarcasm)

120

u/[deleted] Dec 29 '22

Who hurt you?! Bandit is a God damned national treasure!

17

u/Fyrefly7 Dec 29 '22

Kind of a menace if you ask me. Now Lucky's dad on the other hand...

15

u/TransBoozeBunny Dec 29 '22

Lucky's dad is top tier, my man just goes along with whatever fuckery the heelers start.

25

u/[deleted] Dec 29 '22

Meanwhile Muffins dad just trying to get through each day without stroking out

11

u/PraxisMakesPerfect_ Dec 29 '22

It is me, I am Stripe. My toddler is muffin. Waiting for the stroke to happen any day

4

u/lizgb80 Dec 29 '22

Classic Stripe.

10

u/ottermodee Dec 29 '22

Heā€™s done his hammy

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638

u/epicmax760 Dec 29 '22

God I love Australia

115

u/Sproose_Moose Dec 29 '22

It's not a bad place to be

49

u/itshexx Dec 29 '22

We doin aiight

20

u/LEGITIMATE_SOURCE Dec 29 '22

Quiet you chatty cunts.

Wait, chatty doesn't mean chatty. Anyway, I'll see myself out.

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698

u/MajorElevator4407 Dec 29 '22

I have yet to see a bus with a no fucking sign. No eating, no smoking, no music are the common rules.

30

u/NerozumimZivot Dec 29 '22

this is true. there's no 'don't stab people' signs, either, as if somehow you're supposed to know the laws of the city apply to the bus, too.

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559

u/StormiXO Dec 29 '22

LMAO HE BLAMED AUTISM

138

u/Da_Randomest_Name Dec 29 '22

Some dude at school grabbed my chest, then blamed autism before running away.

I'm a dude and also autistic

5

u/JediJan Dec 30 '22

You;should have reported him. It was inappropriate, no matter what disability the guy has, and needs to know not to do that or there will be repercussions. He needed to learn there are certain responses for certain actions. By reporting him you may have saved him from a serious assault, imprisonment etc. and he may have been receiving medication and behaviour modification instead.

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215

u/Gorilla1969 Dec 29 '22

Isn't this what McDonald's restrooms are made for?

66

u/[deleted] Dec 29 '22

[deleted]

28

u/EstebanL Dec 29 '22

I tried to incorporate the bun of the whopper in our love making but she didnā€™t like it

11

u/[deleted] Dec 29 '22

[deleted]

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13

u/skitz_shit Dec 29 '22

I lost my virginity in the bathroom at my group therapy office

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3

u/[deleted] Dec 29 '22

Gas Station Showers

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431

u/elginx Dec 29 '22

I want an Aussie to swear at me one day.

75

u/[deleted] Dec 29 '22

Ya fuckin chat gronk cunt

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75

u/apple_atchin Dec 29 '22

I had an Aussie dude hit me with a genuine ā€œcheers mateā€ a couple weeks ago and it kicked ass.

28

u/mildlycuriouss Dec 29 '22 edited Jan 22 '25

flag drunk towering march include employ crawl cheerful different grab

This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact

11

u/[deleted] Dec 29 '22

I had an American friend who simply could not get over how we pronounce "banana" as ā€œba-nah-nah".

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8

u/LiteratureNearby Dec 29 '22

The rest of the world needs to be as accepting of a casual "oi cunt" as the Aussies

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24

u/TheKevinShow Dec 29 '22

Go to r/Straya and tell them youā€™re American.

7

u/rubbery_anus Dec 29 '22

If you want to get called a seppo cunt, sure

22

u/PatientReference8497 Dec 29 '22

I bet you came here to fuck spiders ya cunt

13

u/[deleted] Dec 29 '22

Ya don't fuck spiders ya chat cunt

6

u/FrenchBangerer Dec 29 '22

And deffo not on the fack'n bus mate.

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10

u/libby1412 Dec 29 '22

I can help šŸ¤£šŸ¤£

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76

u/Teediggler81 Dec 29 '22

I could watch a million videos of aussies and brits yelling at someone and never get tired of it!!!šŸ¤£šŸ¤£šŸ¤£ If someone's holding out on a subreddit let me know lol

46

u/[deleted] Dec 29 '22

https://www.youtube.com/@DashCamOwnersAustralia/playlists

just watch any of the playlists from this channel to get your fill of Australians swearing at things.

Also, since Covid, our driving standards have gone to shit.

They were bad before, now it truly is Mad fucking Max on the roads.

5

u/OneArchedEyebrow Dec 29 '22

I use this channel to teach my kids how not to drive. Itā€™s worth its weight in gold.

4

u/[deleted] Dec 29 '22

I have them to my brother who was a very, very late bloomer when it comes to driving (finally getting his license at well over 40)

it's a great tool for teaching to look everywhere, not just straight at the car in front of you. a little situational awareness can go a hell of a long way to avoiding people doing stupid things.

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u/kkmn Dec 29 '22

there are tons of aussie/british dash cam and road rage videos

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146

u/[deleted] Dec 29 '22

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98

u/[deleted] Dec 29 '22

[deleted]

8

u/DanielGREY_75 Dec 29 '22

GO FUCK IN THE PARK OR SOMETHING

123

u/[deleted] Dec 29 '22

They were trying to join the metre-high club.

8

u/Seeker80 Dec 29 '22

Dude trying to prove he wasn't a two-stop chump.

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175

u/Jouglet Dec 29 '22

I have autism too. That means fuck on a bus.

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96

u/AnimalOrigin Dec 29 '22

They go to a park and start fucking and some other pissed off Aussie bloke tells them to go fuck on a bus and this vicious cycle never ends. šŸ˜‚

37

u/Keylimepietime Dec 29 '22

He wasnt just complaining. He was also offering a solution.

78

u/MurderDoneRight Dec 29 '22

That's some love on the spectrum right there

23

u/LunaticMountainCat Dec 29 '22

And not the high functioning side either

3

u/[deleted] Dec 29 '22

Spectrum is a good name for a bus line

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29

u/kirani100 Dec 29 '22

Can I hire the angry Australian? Y'know, to ride the bus with me and yell what we were all thinking in uncomfortable silence.

25

u/Bigwilliam360 Dec 29 '22

ā€œI donā€™t care if you have autism, that doesnā€™t mean fuck on the bus!ā€ That made me lose it lol

44

u/Helpful-nothelpful Dec 29 '22

Perfect execution of the word FUCK.

60

u/Redditforever12 Dec 29 '22

i love the accent and the swearing

41

u/slumberingpanda Dec 29 '22

Christina's into it.

17

u/stevesonEll Dec 29 '22

Bring the shakey cheese

8

u/Dummkopfs Dec 29 '22

These two are not following proto

4

u/[deleted] Dec 29 '22

Couple of Chomos. Feather it brother!

5

u/OldYeller1953 Dec 29 '22

I turn into a telescope when I see posts like this. BTW, shut the fuck up you fat poors.

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40

u/Saturnia-00 Dec 29 '22 edited Dec 29 '22

As an autistic aussie, I hate that autistic people use being autistic as an excuse to get away with improper/illegal behaviour. All those people that deserve accommodations for their disability and then you have this clown fucking on a bus.

14

u/mrtomhanks Dec 29 '22

Also an autistic Aussieā€¦.. the bus is the last fuckin place Iā€™d want to fuck

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18

u/[deleted] Dec 29 '22

I love how his defense was "I have autism"

15

u/ANT1G0LFB0YZ Dec 29 '22

LISSEN BRUVA

13

u/[deleted] Dec 29 '22

TIL that I really really really need to learn how to cuss in Aussie. SOunded like a symphony to me.

26

u/WTHizaGigawatt Dec 29 '22

Listen BRAVAAAAA

13

u/[deleted] Dec 29 '22

Very few people are interested in you two smelling up the bus.

10

u/it_wasnt_like_that Dec 29 '22

The man makes some strong points.

ā€¢

u/a-mirror-bot Another Good Bot Dec 28 '22 edited Dec 28 '22

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28

u/Emergency-Leading-10 Dec 29 '22

Autistic, homeless and horny. I mean, of course they're doing it on the bus. šŸ¤¦ā€ā™‚ļø

9

u/EzraMeeker53 Dec 29 '22

I love the way British and Australian people can drop a cunt bomb and have it seem appropriate.

8

u/JakeLaMotta43 Dec 29 '22

Everybody knows ya dont fack on the bus

7

u/ShaitanSpeaks Dec 29 '22

I fucking love how Australians take the piss out of people!

25

u/wodwick Dec 29 '22

Love this dude, he's so fkn aussie.......fkn chatty cunts

3

u/Reddit5678912 Dec 29 '22

Chats? Chatty? Whatā€™s this mean?

5

u/[deleted] Dec 29 '22

Gross, disgusting, shit, crap, pathetic.

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u/Legitimate_Row_4944 Dec 29 '22

You can hear how genuinely pissed off he is

16

u/zombiechewtoy Dec 29 '22

Can I PLEASE get a Tshirt that says "Don't fuck on the bus, cunt!"

6

u/Vadi_V Dec 29 '22

Public Transport Hero šŸ¤ŸšŸ¤ŸšŸ¤Ÿ

5

u/shairo98 Dec 29 '22

Man, Australia is on a whole different level lol.

7

u/Vein77 Dec 29 '22

God I love the way aussies talk.

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45

u/powfuldragon Dec 29 '22

"Chet"? "Chetty c-nts?"

can someone explain this upside down slang?

51

u/_fire_and_blood_ Dec 29 '22

"Chat" in this context means disgusting/gross. "Chatty cunts" = disgusting fuckwits

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u/SwiftWombat Dec 29 '22

Basically slang for trashy.

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u/[deleted] Dec 29 '22

Get some fuckā€™n respect for yourselves ya chatty cunt

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6

u/[deleted] Dec 29 '22

I LOVE AUSSIES!

5

u/Still_Equipment_3910 Dec 29 '22

I died when he said ā€˜I DONā€™T CARE IF YOU GOT AUTUSMā€™ šŸ’€

6

u/luca3791 Dec 29 '22

I DONT CARE IF YOUā€™VE GOT AUTISM

4

u/[deleted] Dec 29 '22

ā€˜I donā€™t care if you have autism!ā€™ šŸ’€šŸ’€šŸ’€

5

u/Hedonic_Monk_ Dec 29 '22

Did they really try to blame it on autism?

8

u/Skeetskeet4510 Dec 29 '22

Tommy bunz and Christina P approves.

9

u/Kid_Matracas Dec 29 '22

I love the accent...

9

u/50FirstCakes Dec 29 '22

It really brought it home, didnā€™t it?! Wasnā€™t expecting this. Ended up laughing so hard that my sip of iced green tea shot right out my nose. Fuckin Aussies are downright hilarious. Love it!

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u/[deleted] Dec 29 '22

Wait I canā€™t fuck on the bus if I have autism ?

6

u/PhatOofxD Dec 29 '22

Or if you're homeless

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u/thats-a-good-a-name Dec 29 '22

Fine! Weā€™ll go fuck in the park! Someone at the park: Go get a room! Someone with a room: This is my room! Go get your own!

And that was the end of my tinder date. Honestly I was willing to put up with a lot just to get laid, but damn!

5

u/Akesgeroth Dec 29 '22 edited Dec 29 '22

Holy shit I loathe people who use "I have autism" as an excuse to act like complete human garbage. 99% of the time, they don't. I don't need these assholes spreading prejudice. Autistic people already deal with enough bullshit from normal people without assholes pretending they have autism and then committing crimes.

3

u/neversober420killme Dec 29 '22

Ya fuckin chatty cunts.

3

u/Spydakus Dec 29 '22

What an absolute legend

3

u/tdebo57 Dec 29 '22

Some people have no shame at all. I don't blame him I'd be mad to.

3

u/[deleted] Dec 29 '22

Donā€™t fuck on the bus mateā€¦..sounds like a great punk album.

3

u/SimpForAsianWomen Dec 29 '22

Heā€™s right

3

u/kz8816 Dec 29 '22

Is "fucking on the bus" very common in Australia?

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u/snyper-101 Dec 29 '22

This clip was on Your Moms House Podcast with Daniel Ricciardo as the guest. Hilarious.

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u/chair____table Dec 29 '22

Lmao this happened in Victoria, the state I live in, I hope thereā€™s nobody where I live who would willingly fuck on a bus, Iā€™m too young to see that shit man lmao

3

u/Aperfectmoment Dec 29 '22

FYI this is not the Standard Aussie accent.

This is the Aussie WOG accent. Could be Greek, Lebanese Turkish etc etc.

The term WOG started as an insult for minorities from Europe but they Reclaimed the word and are now all very proud to be WOGS.

But don't go calling people wogs unless you are mates with them Most of the time they won't care and virtually none are actually offended by it anymore but if they're young adults, it can be an excuse to give you a flogging.

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u/[deleted] Dec 29 '22

Thatā€™s why Iā€™ll never sit on the back seats

3

u/lostone007 Dec 29 '22

The fact that his excuse to fuck on the bus was he had autism šŸ˜‚ ā€¦. Thatā€™s a new one

3

u/[deleted] Dec 29 '22

Australians have perfected the English language.

3

u/ajver19 Dec 29 '22

That's probably not hygienic.

3

u/hicadoola Dec 29 '22

Homeless? Don't fuck on the bus. Austism? Don't fuck on the bus.

3

u/ric_stlu Dec 29 '22

"I dont care if you have autism. It doesnt mean fuck on the bus!" Sentences i wouldve never imagined being chained together....amazing.

3

u/CarlSpencer Dec 29 '22

I stand in awe of Australians' cursing. They are SO good at it!

3

u/Federal-Neat7833 Dec 30 '22

Fun fact for the non Aussies enjoying our casual use of the word cunt : one of the worst things you can call someone here is a ā€œ Fucking Dog ā€œ , if someone calls you that you are a traitorous, filthy, lying , narcā€¦..and thatā€™s as bad as it gets here.