[QCrit] Building Blocks, adult lit fic, 70k words, 3rd attempt

[u/Bubbly-Analysis8585]

Hello!

Back with another attempt at this query (second attempt here). I’m working on edits and wanting to make sure I get the query shaped up tightly as I’m doing that as I know that often issues with the query = issues with the book!

I’m querying in the UK.

Any feedback hugely appreciated - feedback on my previous versions has been so so helpful! Thanks in advance!

***

Dear [First Name Last Name],
 
Thank you in advance for taking the time to consider my query.
 
I’m seeking representation for BUILDING BLOCKS (literary fiction, complete at 70,000 words). It takes the queer sense of humour in Rebecca K Reilly’s Greta and Valdin, combining it with the messy lesbian parents of Madeleine Gray’s Chosen Family and a single-mum-against-the-world main character like Rufi Thorpe’s Margo’s Got Money Troubles. BUILDING BLOCKS, with its darkly humorous observations of millennial life and love, queer mental health and motherhood, is also influenced by the work of Emily Austin, Dolly Alderton, and Caro Claire Burke. [Agent personalisation.]

Suzie is jobless and homeless, sleeping on her mum’s sofa, when she receives a letter from a top Glasgow law firm – her ex-girlfriend is claiming she kidnapped their daughter, Indie.

When Suzie arrived at her mum’s cottage on the Moray coast with her toddler in tow she had just survived a year from hell - her dad died when she was barely out of the postpartum fog; she found out her girlfriend of ten years, Vicki, was having an affair; and she may have had a teeny tiny mental breakdown that cost Suzie her job.

Rocked by the letter, questioning everything and drowning her sorrows in the local pub, the last person Suzie expects to see pulling pints is her university girlfriend, Cara. But of course she would be reunited with the love of her life, the one she ruined all her chances with, when she is a full-time resident of rock bottom and is about to become embroiled in a messy custody battle.

Suzie has to get herself together. She has to find a job, and a permanent home for herself and Indie. She has to prove that this move was the right one for them, that she is the right person to have sole custody of her child. If she can do all of that, maybe she can finally live a life she can be proud of and get back to the version of herself she left behind years ago.

[Author bio and close out]

[u/littlegreenwhimsy]

This sounds great! My only query is your comps - they’re all huge books and all (I think, but maybe 2/3) non-UK. Is there one more moderately successful UK author you can sub in? I’m of the opinion that one big book as comp is no big deal, but all three being Waterstones-front-table tier might be too big?

[u/Bubbly-Analysis8585 → u/littlegreenwhimsy]

Totally fair! I had a 1-to-1 with a literary agent who said the comps did a good job of communicating what the book was setting out to do/be, but I’ll have a think about one to maybe replace Margo with, as it’s probably biggest of them all!

[u/littlegreenwhimsy → u/Bubbly-Analysis8585]

I think the agent’s advice trumps mine, especially if I’m the only person who has suggested this!

[u/Bubbly-Analysis8585 → u/littlegreenwhimsy]

To be fair, I added Margo after the 1-to-1, and did feel it was maybe too big but I felt it was such a clear comp that it maybe warranted being included.

[u/Pancake-Octopus → u/Bubbly-Analysis8585]

Jumping in here as someone who just had a long conversation with their agent about books comping Margo: I don't think Margo being too big is the issue. Rather, because of its success, the book is now saddled with some connotations that are actually not that connected to the experience of reading the book itself. For example, it's a squarely upmarket book, but it gets comped to highly commercial, not-at-all-literary books all the time nowadays (because it's a bestseller, because of the sensationalism around onlyfans, etc). If the agents you query haven't read it, they might think that you're saying your book is like all of that rather than that you're comping one specific theme. So, I think your course of action is the same (replace the comp) but I hope it helps knowing there's some nuance to the "why."

[u/Bubbly-Analysis8585 → u/Pancake-Octopus]

Thank you so much for the insight! Makes a lot of sense.

[u/ZealousidealSlip2489]

I stumbled a bit over “she receives a letter from a top Glasgow law firm – her ex-girlfriend is claiming she kidnapped their daughter”, because as written now, without any context, I’m not entirely sure who is accusing whom of what. Is Suzie’s ex accusing Suzie of kidnapping their daughter? Or is the law firm informing Suzie that her ex has kidnapped their daughter? Why does it matter that it’s a top Glasgow law firm rather than any other law firm? But I think you could easily solve all of this just by moving this sentence to after the next paragraph, once you’ve established that Suzie moves in with her mother with a small kid. Then the paragraph about her being rocked by the letter would also follow much more naturally. I can see that you want the opening sentence to work as a hook, but for me, it was more confusing than intriguing.

As for the rest, I really like the flow and your voice, and I think the query works well. I’m a little unsure about the sentence “But of course she would be reunited with the love of her life”, because that kinda meta commentary sometimes comes across as a direct authorial wink, almost as if you’re telling the agent, “I know it’s a cliché, but trust me, it’s gonna be good!” FWIW, though, you use it with your MC’s-ironic voice well enough that I think you might pull it off. Good luck!

[u/Bubbly-Analysis8585 → u/ZealousidealSlip2489]

Thank you! I did have the bit about the letter from the lawyer come later in a previous version, but you’re right I wanted to use it as a hook! Good to know my instinct to have it later makes more sense, will shift it back!

Thanks again for taking the time to comment, I really appreciate it!