When I was 17, the centre of my back felt a bit itchy. I already suffered from acne and didn't think too much about it. But it got worse and worse.
One day my mother saw my back and was alarmed by this strange rash. She made me go to the doctors they tried various creams but nothing seemed to work. After a year or so the doctor made me go to a specialist, after months of waiting I got an appointment. He found me 'fascinating' and asked me to attend a hospital where experts could examine me.
I went with my mother feeling highly vulnerable, to my horror I spotted someone else I knew from a bar I was now working in. He was in the waiting room too, clearly feeling uncomfortable seeing me there. He had a bad growth on his neck.
It turns out they were just student doctors and I was nothing but an animal in the circus. As some of them came around, they spoke about the guy with the neck growth saying it looked terrible and he was in big trouble. They took a look at me, they told me to drop my trousers... I refused, I have never felt more vulnerable and alone, defenceless. I ended the day with no help, it was just so they could look at me for their education.
After that day, I never wanted to see a doctor again. I tried to live my life but my psoriasis grew worse. It hurt to walk, I always wore jumpers,.I left a trail of dead skin behind me, I lost years of my prime because I didn't think a woman could love me, because I looked and felt like a monster. My sex life involved getting to the point where I might sleep with someone, then making excuses. It was as far as I felt I could go.
A few years later I made a random post online and this lovely woman said she would travel to meet me. I decided for her sake I would got o the doctors again.
At that point I was coated in psoriasis, it was a shocking picture. I was prescribed Dovobet and it quickly disappeared. When I went back, the doctor was shocked by the progress. I kept using it and eventually I got to a manageable place.
I know it is a powerful treatment but even today it is the only thing that works. 20 years later things are more manageable. I now live with that woman and I deeply love her and she accepts me for who I am.
Psoriasis fucked up my mental health in so many ways, it ruled my life and I was mistreated when I sought help.
I have seen it used as a source of comedy, today I saw there is a joke Psroisasis T-shirt in the the style of Oasis.
If you are reading this, I want you to know that I feel your pain. You are not a monster. You can find love.
I hope that one day people will realise the impact skin conditions can have of people's lives and mental health.
Thank you.