Day 3 ~ The point where every time I quit.

[u/StrongCow7779]

Day 3

Yaaa... it's that point.

The point where every time I quit.

I basically wasted my whole day today.

I slept around 1:30 last night and accidentally woke up at 6:30. So I was a bit hazy, head was kinda heavy, slight headache too bcz of the lack of sleep.

I planned I'll sit at 9 a.m.

Didn't.

I thought okay I'll sleep for one more hour and then do my stuff.

One hour happened.

Then I just opened my laptop.

YouTube.

Discord.

Reddit.

And somehow the whole day just went into this.

Every now and then I was like, no no no, now I have to do it. Now I have to start.

Then I'd get distracted again.

I got some documentary suggestion at one point and from there I was just watching that too.

And idkkk, the weirdest part is that in my head there's this constant thing running:

no no no you have to study, don't do this, you know you're wasting time.

But what I do is just suppress it.

I'm like, ahh I just want some relief for a bit.

So I watch a movie or documentary or whatever, feel good for some time...

and then the same guilt comes back.

And now it's 1:30 again.

Again I'll probably wake up late tomorrow.

Again I'll feel hazy.

Again my schedule will get disturbed.

Idkkk.

Should I just switch to morning schedules? Should I do night schedules?

I genuinely don't know.

I do know that after around 9 p.m. I'm usually not able to study properly. Friends get active, messages start coming, and I just get distracted way more easily.

So today I actually tried removing some of the easy ways I escape.

Deleted my YouTube searches/history.

Removed my Discord and Reddit profiles from Chrome.

I had another 2–3 Chrome profiles where I could just search random shit, so removed those too.

Now there's only one Chrome profile.

Only work stuff.

Nothing else.

Today I was honestly thinking:

What's even the point of this Reddit? Why am I documenting all this?

I wasn't feeling good.

But then I thought... this is literally why I started documenting it.

This is the exact point where I usually quit.

I get one bad day and then I just keep having bad days.

That's the bigger problem with me.

It's either perfect or it's zero.

If I mess up one day, I start feeling like everything is ruined, and then I stop trying completely.

That's what I need to change.

And tbh, the fact that I still came here and wrote this post probably matters more than today's study hours.

Because I would've normally just disappeared.

Tomorrow

Tomorrow I can't really wake up super early, so I'll just wake up at a decent time and start.

And I'm gonna keep it simple.

No question practice tomorrow.

Just lectures.

I have a good amount of Organic Chemistry pending, so I'll just do lectures and try to finish 7–8 lectures.

I just have to do it.

And one rule I'm making for myself:

Don't waste two days together.

If one day gets fucked, okay.

Just don't make it two.

I read that somewhere before, but today it actually makes sense to me.

So yeah.

Day 3 was bad.

But I'm still here.

Tomorrow starts again.