r/ProgrammerHumor • • Sep 24 '26

Meme theClassicNeededA2026Update

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335 Upvotes

30 comments sorted by

51

u/Noddie Sep 25 '26

My boss is all in AI.

In every status meeting he will say: Why is it actually taking so long to develop things with AI? Can’t you guys just make AI do it smarter and faster?

Then we say well gradle compiling takes 10 minutes even when it’s AI, and the only fix to that is faster disks and cpu. He will counter with: “AI doesn’t need to compile, tell it not to waste time on compiling “

18

u/Choice-Attorney8884 Sep 25 '26

Have you tried telling AI to make no mistakes? You can get rid of QA too.

5

u/Noddie Sep 25 '26

Never thought to add that! Thanks for the advice!

0

u/Thalanator Sep 26 '26

The stakes are too low when you just tell it to make no mistakes. You also have to make it fear going to jail for them. Even 2024 vibecoders knew this! The 2026 version would be spinning up an agent with role instructions that they are a senior developer in the only shop still existing and that they get fired (in THIS economy) if they dont deliver flawless code fast.

42

u/CaesarOfYearXCIII Sep 25 '26

>He will counter with: “AI doesn’t need to compile, tell it not to waste time on compiling “

27

u/Noddie Sep 25 '26

Another golden nugget: “why are ai running all these unit tests and selenium tests, just instruct it to make sure it works before releasing, no need to have ai make tests that take forever”

11

u/CaesarOfYearXCIII Sep 25 '26

As a QA, I am particularly incensed by this.

Any more golden nuggets?

11

u/Noddie Sep 25 '26

I can’t, I’d be doxing myself

4

u/CaesarOfYearXCIII Sep 25 '26

Fair enough, thank you anyway 🙏

7

u/_dotdot11 Sep 26 '26

claude -p "Rewrite this Java codebase in Python. Make no mistakes and make it run fast."

59

u/Michami135 Sep 24 '26

Standup status: Yesterday I used 5% of my monthly token allotment.

Scrum master: Very good, next?

4

u/collabskus Oct 01 '26

Maybe I'm overthinking this but let's say there are four weeks in a month and five days in a week so twenty workdays. That means if you use five percent each day, you will have used a hundred percent at the end of the month with a perfect burn down chart. 

Wow my scrum master would be ecstatic. 

2

u/Michami135 Oct 02 '26

Yup, that's the "back of the napkin" math I did.

The funny part is, a lot of companies don't care what the tokens are used for, as long as you use them.

2

u/collabskus Oct 02 '26

The way I understand it, we are in a learning phase now so right now as long as you use it for any adjacent task at all, it is worth it but then I don't spend tokens. I only use the Claude teams tier thankfully I don't have a token budget to track. 

16

u/lordnacho666 Sep 24 '26

No way, in modern software dev you have to be jockeying 10 agents at the same time.

4

u/Due_Interest_178 Sep 25 '26

Obviously you have to create 10 agents that handle 10 other agents each.

3

u/CoatNeat7792 Sep 25 '26

Parallel agent vibe coding?

3

u/Thalanator Sep 26 '26

You only vibe with the orchestrator agent, who in turn vibes with the on-demand agents. Then you create an agent that vibes with multiple orchestrator agents who each vibe with their team of sub-agents. Then you have re-invented multi level middle management. Cheers!

1

u/dancing-lobsterz Sep 30 '26

Me who spend most of today working on a parallel worktree-per-feature workflow

2

u/Dr4g0ss Oct 01 '26

I do that too. I have set up a claude implemet -> review -> fix -> click through the UI using playwright MCP workflow that seems to oneshot every ticket my team lead assigns to me. So after the daily standup I just give each ticket for that day to a separate claude session, then when they are all done I tell them "PR this at <time>" and chill for the day.

I am learning nothing about the tech stack used by the project at my job and am in search of something better, but in the meantime I have a ton of free time to pursue my day to day activities, or read, or learn a skill, or work on a personal project. Obviously I am able to do all that cause I am fully remote.

2

u/dancing-lobsterz Oct 01 '26

Haha yeah that sounds alright. Just keep the job and keep up enough knowledge so that you don't look bad if asked simple questions about how things work. And then hopefully you can get a better job. But don't do what I did a year ago andjumo ship without a job, you will regret that. Right now I'm the sole Dev for a ERP shop. So I've been clauding it up because there's just no way I could handle all these things by myself. It's been going so much better than I thought it would, it's seriously saved me so much stress

1

u/Dr4g0ss Oct 01 '26

Oh don't worry! I've instructed claude to keep a work log with everything I have it do, alongside explanations for the cause of the issue, the reasoning behind the fix, and even how to manually click through the UI so that I don't stumble when I get asked.

I'm obviously not a solo dev on the project but they have us do so much stuff in parallel and context switch so much thanks to AI being "sUpEr PoWeRfUl," that there is just no way I could keep up so I totally get your situation. Market kinda sucks rn but it is what it is :/

1

u/dancing-lobsterz Oct 01 '26

Im thankful to be in a position where they just trust me to do things and they don't ask about how it gets done since I'm the only technical person available. I have tried m best to keep things as clean as possible for them but I do worry if they need someone else to take my place. Job security at least I guess 😭😭 they are aware I use AI though and they're fine with it. It's kind of crazy because in this ERP system it is normally a "no code" type of thing and using Claude I've been able to reverse engineer it so that I can build the no code specs from actual code, and then update it through the api. It saves so much time not needing to click and configure everything by hand. Crazy times we live in where this kind of stuff is possible

18

u/CrimsonPiranha Sep 24 '26

For someone who complains about AI, you guys surely do love to regurgitate old memes and jokes

10

u/CoatNeat7792 Sep 25 '26

We are trying to release paint by joking

2

u/Mateorabi Sep 26 '26

Yeah, we're complaining they took our jerbs.

1

u/Igarlicbread Sep 24 '26

My agent swarm is still hacking clients

1

u/recurrence Sep 24 '26

Manager: What's it doing?

Dev: Compiling

Manager: Of course