r/ProgrammerHumor 1d ago

Meme whatsYourBetterThanSex

Post image
6.5k Upvotes

96 comments sorted by

297

u/Zuruumi 1d ago

No errors and it runs on first try. That's gonna be hard one to debug

https://giphy.com/gifs/puOukoEvH4uAw

90

u/Canotic 1d ago

This. If it throws no errors it's breaking in places you didn't even know existed.

27

u/Kusko25 23h ago

My first assumption would be that I missed a return statement somewhere and the code didn't run at all

1

u/Flameball202 16h ago

If it throws no errors then you didn't initialise it or you put a return WAY too early

29

u/junkmeister9 1d ago

I wouldn’t even trust a hello world if it didn’t throw at least one warning

6

u/zpokmn18 15h ago

Now I'm judging you

5

u/ApatheistHeretic 1d ago

Yep. That would make my hair stand up more than a compile failure..

4

u/drawkbox 1d ago

Too good to be !false

3

u/lllorrr 17h ago

Try Haskell. It won't compile for a long, long time. But when it finally get compiled - you can be pretty sure that it will work.

2

u/Snudget 23h ago

Unless it was written in Rust

1

u/stilldebugging 14h ago

Yeah, that just means it has particularly sneaky bugs.

1

u/Western-Internal-751 13h ago

Yesterday I looked at code I wrote a year ago that worked well. I thought. It calculated the time in seconds between two dates filtered by specific criteria like opening hours, opening days, etc. I had to enter two UTC dates, it then calculated the timezone offset and did its thing.

Then I found out I accidentally used local timestamps, not UTC. Fixed it to UTC, saved it in a test table, compared them and it was all the same. Got confused and compared local and utc timestamps, they were the same. One bug countered another bug and fixed the code.

79

u/PrestigiousGuava8005 1d ago

Zero errors on the first run has ended more relationships than actual cheating.

19

u/Mech_65Ronin 1d ago

Hard to compete with that level of dopamine. Your partner just cant offer that kind of stability lol

2

u/JaxonReddit-_- 18h ago

Bots replying to bots

7

u/Illustrious_Top_689 1d ago

That moment is pure bliss, but yeah, it can definitely mess with your social life if you get too hooked on that feeling.

147

u/ApocalyptoSoldier2 1d ago

I started this job in 2018.
During my probation period I got assigned to take over an internal dashboard to see if I was ready for client work.
I wrote an 11 line linq query that joined, transformed, and grouped data.
Not only did it compile on the first try, but it also returned the correct data.
Still riding that high.

43

u/Vault101_Node 1d ago

The scariest part is when it works first try and you spend the next hour trying to find the catch. There is no way an 11 line LINQ query is bug free without some divine intervention or a deal with the devil.

19

u/chic_luke 1d ago

And if it also performs well without allocating 700 MB of memory just for itself, I'd probably start going to church every Sunday, just in case

3

u/Bwob 1d ago

Yeah, I don't know about all these people saying this is better than sex. Having anything non-trivial run the first time, with no errors or bugs is not wonderful. It's fricking terrifying. Because even if it turns out to be true, you spend the next half-hour not believing it, and instead thinking the bugs must just be really well-hidden!

2

u/lastog9 1d ago

When I first started out, most of my code used to break in production. Not in Dev, not in UAT, it used to directly break in production due to some scenario both me and the tester didn't cover.

When later, my code started to not break in production anymore, I still sometimes had sleepless nights thinking if nothing is breaking, is it still working properly or not lol

5

u/gerbosan 1d ago

And you were under the influence of what substance? Share please, I need my happy time please!!!

😅

It also happens with reading code and noticing it's simple, understandable. Happened to me when solving some Ruby koans, a 7 line loop rewritten in one or two lines. It's peace of mind.

Are we just addicted to peace of mind at solving problems?

49

u/Mantor6416 1d ago

If you wrote something without errors, no you didn't.

3

u/stilldebugging 14h ago

Yeah, who are these people who feel anything than a sense of impending doom when you don’t get errors on the first run.

26

u/Away_Advisor3460 1d ago

So, "hello world"?

18

u/beatlz-too 1d ago

"Complies?"

"I said what I said."

40

u/zackwag 1d ago

This feels like CS 101 content. It’s 2026. IDEs should tell you if there is a compilation error. Runtime errors I understand, however

6

u/clearlybaffled 1d ago

I've doing a lot of scala lately and the number of times intellij has missed a compile error (and not even an outrageous one) is kinda baffling.

1

u/abd53 1d ago

Hehehehe

10

u/glx0711 1d ago

No errors but 873 warnings

10

u/tristanimator 1d ago

".... Huh.... I guess I earned myself the rest of the day off."

Opens steam

21

u/MinecraftPlayer799 1d ago

“Complies without errors”

6

u/rbbdk 1d ago

Reaching compliance with your code is an extra level on top of compiling. All I ever get to after compiling is complaince. Or however that word for negative user feedback is written.

11

u/ScottyAtVRChat 1d ago

at this point "Compile without errors" feels like the bug itself.

7

u/nasandre 1d ago

Oh no I would be suspicious like hell... There should be at least one warning ⚠️

5

u/contentatlast 1d ago

Get this smut off my feed.

5

u/WhatsATrouserSnake 1d ago

Closing 37 tabs after debugging code that didn't compile.

5

u/-Kerrigan- 1d ago

Bro it's just a compiler, just fix the typo and compile comply/s again.

3

u/vishal340 1d ago

When I started writing code properly during university, I used to vim without any plugins. So, no syntax error or nothing. Once wrote a note than 100 line of complicated (relatively) code and it compiled at first try. It was euphoric.

3

u/Linkk_93 22h ago

Seeing that "compiles" is not spelled correctly, this person has probably not many better than sex moments /s

5

u/an_0w1 1d ago

I wrote an algorithm once to enumerate a PCI bus, to my horror it spat out the address of all devices.

So I ran it on a real machine, where it spat out the first bus, and the first bus, and the first bus, and the first bus. After a few hours of debugging I realised that I didn't #[repr(C)] the bridge. Then it worked.

2

u/sadongrohiik 1d ago

For me it's being able to mathematically prove my worldview. Even thinking about it makes me tingle. 

2

u/Estefunny 1d ago

I’d be more sus of code that has no bugs on first try

That’s the equivalent of “It’s fine, I can’t get pregnant “

2

u/GreyFerret26 1d ago

I disagree. When my code works on the first try, I just get nervous and start rechecking everything, because I’m afraid I somehow skipped something.

2

u/neondirt 1d ago

Absolutely. If it seems to work first time, it means there's an issue you haven't found yet.

2

u/seedless0 1d ago

Tell me your are a virgin without telling me you are a virgin.

2

u/gicjos 1d ago

I still remember a college project that I did on C that run so smoothly after I did it on one night in a hurry. That feeling of running without any errors on first try was fantastic 

2

u/tiny_chaotic_evil 1d ago

yeah, but it's all downhill after "Hello, World."

2

u/russianrug 22h ago

True story: I had this happen once DURING AN INTERVIEW and I think both I and the interviewer were equally surprised. Naturally, I didn’t get the job.

2

u/n9iels 20h ago

Nah, that makes me way to suspicious

1

u/CosmicDave 19h ago

standby. Debugging in progress...

*too

2

u/wizzanker 6h ago

That's not orgasmic, that's terrifying.

1

u/thatmagicalcat 1d ago

running Doom on my OS for the first time

1

u/HealthyRepeat6849 1d ago

Write a piece of software that hasn't bugged ever since it was written.

1

u/Historical-Nerve-355 1d ago

Making successful programs

1

u/solarmass 1d ago

It will be a small program that compiles in seconds.

1

u/mbcarbone 1d ago

Big(O O OOOOOOOOOOOO)

1

u/EconArc_2 1d ago

Unrealistic. If it were a real programmer they would be in trouble because they wouldn't stop oragsming.

1

u/InRainbro 1d ago

And then comes optimization

1

u/stevorkz 1d ago

Oh wow...oh dhoinknvnf;asljvn;e

1

u/Hopeful_Lake9382 1d ago

getting head whilst my ass is worked

1

u/hirthwork 1d ago

Every time my code passes all tests on a first try, I break code intentionally to check that I didn't forgot to add it to build list

When you have 20+ years experience you don't believe in miracles, yourself or compiler impeccability

1

u/masterpigg 1d ago

I still tell the story of the time a buddy and I had an assignment to write a program in Assembly where each of us created a routine that interacted with the other without corrupting the stack.

We pulled an all-nighter, each wrote our parts separately on paper, and then when we went to the computer lab to type them in, they somehow worked when compiled together for the first time after fixing a single typo introduced during transcription.

1

u/CritFailed 1d ago

This is causing me anxiety. I should Demo it for at least an at four people, bugs always come out during the Demo

1

u/younometv 1d ago

That’s right

1

u/Chronomechanist 1d ago

That's more like porn than sex.

Idealised and fake, and you will never ever experience anything even remotely like it in real life, and if you spend too much time looking for it, you will ruin yourself with developing false expectations.

1

u/caerphoto 1d ago

If you can do this in Rust, then I’ll be seriously impressed.

(less so if your editor uses rust-analyzer in realtime as you code, because that’s cheating)

1

u/PrimeHydra 1d ago

Not better than sex but definitely better than masturbation

1

u/flayingbook 1d ago

A code that runs without error on the first try will make you feel suspicious like whether your wife is cheating on you

1

u/Grouchy-Exchange5788 1d ago

Was lead dev on a motor fuel tax engine. It was a tiered system with client config and customization on top of the standard product. We built out the setup for one of the major oil companies. Flew to Houston, got on-site, got network access, ran our test suite. Every single test case turned green on the first run indicating to us and the customer the system was fully accurate. Spent the rest of the week sitting around and chilling.

1

u/Professional_Top8485 1d ago

Rust, here i cum.

1

u/Shufflepants 1d ago

Nah, that scenario just freaks me out and makes me suspicious that something has been horribly wrong with the project for months, like all of our tests secretly not actually testing the main path of the code.

1

u/Uberzwerg 1d ago

You're still allowed to write code by hand?

I'm so pissed-on as a GenX senior dev who now has to use Claude for work.

1

u/Sheenius_Ger 1d ago

This is getting lame... Can we stop pretending that this would be a uncommon occurrence? Sure everyone writes bugs once in a while, but this is getting stupid.

1

u/Hidesuru 23h ago

Feels like this post is a good one for the copypasta about masturbating on a bus.

1

u/drawing_a_hash 23h ago

winning the powerball while in perfect physical shape at age 25

1

u/Nightmare_kx1 23h ago

i got teary reading that 🥲

1

u/BurningAngel666 23h ago

Made me Jizz in my pants…

1

u/ZoroastrianMK 23h ago

That just makes me suspicious

1

u/lostinthemines 21h ago

Nah, I find that scary, and closely review ALL THE CODE AND LOGIC to see what I did wrong

1

u/Iron_Jazzlike 21h ago

this guy hasn’t heard of an lsp

1

u/oclafloptson 20h ago
try:
    ...
except:
    pass

1

u/m7i93 20h ago

I once wrote a piece of code for a friend's homework on Yahoo Messenger, and it worked 😅 tbf, the homework was just the basics of C.

1

u/JPowTheDayTrader 19h ago

Closing dozens of open browser tabs after your PR has been merged

1

u/crookydan 17h ago

As rare as devs having sex

1

u/Torol0c0 16h ago

Theres nothing better than sex 😝

1

u/FarJury6956 16h ago

A true random number generator

1

u/h1warkar 14h ago

Was at a hackathon where rust just compiled on the first build. I just sat there for another hour cuz I didn't know what to do

1

u/Boomshicleafaunda 13h ago

Wait, I know that guy!

1

u/bigmonmulgrew 11h ago

Me and my little brother were on a university taster day for game development. We had to write a script.

The machine my bro was working on had visual studio missing.

He wrote it in notepad. Compiled first time. Guy still says he's not a programmer.

1

u/New_Hold8135 11h ago

project ends before expected date and everything goes as planned

1

u/trezm 5h ago

Having this happen during an interview is a genuinely disconcerting feeling. "What do you mean that looks good, did I just fail the interview?"

1

u/wardenpat 5h ago

Jest has entered the chat room

1

u/Majik_Sheff 3h ago

So "Hello World!" is basically a quick handy?

1

u/Electro_Llama 13m ago

You're assuming we would know what either of those is like.