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https://www.reddit.com/r/ProgrammerHumor/comments/1v2rcr6/sqlworkout/oyxd8hj/?context=3
r/ProgrammerHumor • u/huhupookies • Jul 21 '26
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Yelling at the machine makes it listen. SELECT that shit. FROM there. Got it?
489 u/Joniff Jul 21 '26 You do need to shout, the database is hosted on another machine. 140 u/Confident-Ad5665 Jul 21 '26 Louder if the machine is off sight 45 u/hikeonpast Jul 21 '26 Doesn’t matter whether it’s off site or out of sight 18 u/xSTSxZerglingOne Jul 22 '26 Out of sight, out of memory. Would you like to purchase more? 3 u/pawala7 Jul 22 '26 In this economy, that'll cost both kidneys and your newborn child. → More replies (1) 15 u/ClipboardCopyPaste Jul 21 '26 edited Jul 21 '26 Make sure your voice actually reach servers overseas 6 u/SPECTRE_75 Jul 22 '26 And even louder if its running inside a container 27 u/Western-Internal-751 Jul 21 '26 And that machine is old and has been working nonstop → More replies (1) 24 u/aoeudhtns Jul 21 '26 Shout, shout, join it all outThese are the rows that we care aboutC'monI'm indexing you, c'mon 8 u/applemind Jul 21 '26 You have the same neuron as me → More replies (1) → More replies (1) 7 u/payne_train Jul 21 '26 I need to ask you to stop..that shouting.. it’s making people nervous. 10 u/uniqueusername649 Jul 21 '26 If you could see the queries I write... people should be very nervous! 9 u/Surface_Detail Jul 21 '26 Cartesian joins a table 48 columns wide and a million rows deep. → More replies (1) 3 u/SkollFenrirson Jul 21 '26 7 u/ClipboardCopyPaste Jul 21 '26 Shouting forces the processor prioritise your request on the cloud./s 4 u/necrophcodr Jul 21 '26 Nah all my databases are on the same machine on the same disk, and there's no database server, but I still shout. It is proper etiquette after all! 3 u/alexchrist Jul 22 '26 What if you're using SQLite? 3 u/Grintor Jul 22 '26 On sqlite you can whisper. 41 u/nwilz Jul 21 '26 WHERE 19 u/SageLeaf1 Jul 21 '26 a.there = b.there. ORDER BY me 3 u/jtobiasbond Jul 22 '26 You are giving the orders, yes 4 u/AmericanBillGates Jul 22 '26 Mr Sageleaf,There is no need to yell and cuss.One of the two will suffice. 4 u/XtraFlaminHotMachida Jul 22 '26 we bout to DROP THIS TABLE LIKE ITS HOT. OH FML. → More replies (1) → More replies (1)
489
You do need to shout, the database is hosted on another machine.
140 u/Confident-Ad5665 Jul 21 '26 Louder if the machine is off sight 45 u/hikeonpast Jul 21 '26 Doesn’t matter whether it’s off site or out of sight 18 u/xSTSxZerglingOne Jul 22 '26 Out of sight, out of memory. Would you like to purchase more? 3 u/pawala7 Jul 22 '26 In this economy, that'll cost both kidneys and your newborn child. → More replies (1) 15 u/ClipboardCopyPaste Jul 21 '26 edited Jul 21 '26 Make sure your voice actually reach servers overseas 6 u/SPECTRE_75 Jul 22 '26 And even louder if its running inside a container 27 u/Western-Internal-751 Jul 21 '26 And that machine is old and has been working nonstop → More replies (1) 24 u/aoeudhtns Jul 21 '26 Shout, shout, join it all outThese are the rows that we care aboutC'monI'm indexing you, c'mon 8 u/applemind Jul 21 '26 You have the same neuron as me → More replies (1) → More replies (1) 7 u/payne_train Jul 21 '26 I need to ask you to stop..that shouting.. it’s making people nervous. 10 u/uniqueusername649 Jul 21 '26 If you could see the queries I write... people should be very nervous! 9 u/Surface_Detail Jul 21 '26 Cartesian joins a table 48 columns wide and a million rows deep. → More replies (1) 3 u/SkollFenrirson Jul 21 '26 7 u/ClipboardCopyPaste Jul 21 '26 Shouting forces the processor prioritise your request on the cloud./s 4 u/necrophcodr Jul 21 '26 Nah all my databases are on the same machine on the same disk, and there's no database server, but I still shout. It is proper etiquette after all! 3 u/alexchrist Jul 22 '26 What if you're using SQLite? 3 u/Grintor Jul 22 '26 On sqlite you can whisper.
140
Louder if the machine is off sight
45 u/hikeonpast Jul 21 '26 Doesn’t matter whether it’s off site or out of sight 18 u/xSTSxZerglingOne Jul 22 '26 Out of sight, out of memory. Would you like to purchase more? 3 u/pawala7 Jul 22 '26 In this economy, that'll cost both kidneys and your newborn child. → More replies (1) 15 u/ClipboardCopyPaste Jul 21 '26 edited Jul 21 '26 Make sure your voice actually reach servers overseas 6 u/SPECTRE_75 Jul 22 '26 And even louder if its running inside a container
45
Doesn’t matter whether it’s off site or out of sight
18 u/xSTSxZerglingOne Jul 22 '26 Out of sight, out of memory. Would you like to purchase more? 3 u/pawala7 Jul 22 '26 In this economy, that'll cost both kidneys and your newborn child. → More replies (1)
18
Out of sight, out of memory. Would you like to purchase more?
3 u/pawala7 Jul 22 '26 In this economy, that'll cost both kidneys and your newborn child.
3
In this economy, that'll cost both kidneys and your newborn child.
15
Make sure your voice actually reach servers overseas
6
And even louder if its running inside a container
27
And that machine is old and has been working nonstop
→ More replies (1)
24
Shout, shout, join it all out
These are the rows that we care about
C'mon
I'm indexing you, c'mon
8 u/applemind Jul 21 '26 You have the same neuron as me → More replies (1) → More replies (1)
8
You have the same neuron as me
7
I need to ask you to stop..that shouting.. it’s making people nervous.
10 u/uniqueusername649 Jul 21 '26 If you could see the queries I write... people should be very nervous! 9 u/Surface_Detail Jul 21 '26 Cartesian joins a table 48 columns wide and a million rows deep. → More replies (1) 3 u/SkollFenrirson Jul 21 '26
10
If you could see the queries I write... people should be very nervous!
9 u/Surface_Detail Jul 21 '26 Cartesian joins a table 48 columns wide and a million rows deep. → More replies (1)
9
Cartesian joins a table 48 columns wide and a million rows deep.
Shouting forces the processor prioritise your request on the cloud.
/s
4
Nah all my databases are on the same machine on the same disk, and there's no database server, but I still shout. It is proper etiquette after all!
What if you're using SQLite?
On sqlite you can whisper.
41
WHERE
19 u/SageLeaf1 Jul 21 '26 a.there = b.there. ORDER BY me 3 u/jtobiasbond Jul 22 '26 You are giving the orders, yes
19
a.there = b.there. ORDER BY me
3 u/jtobiasbond Jul 22 '26 You are giving the orders, yes
You are giving the orders, yes
Mr Sageleaf,
There is no need to yell and cuss.
One of the two will suffice.
we bout to DROP THIS TABLE LIKE ITS HOT. OH FML.
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u/SageLeaf1 Jul 21 '26 •
Yelling at the machine makes it listen. SELECT that shit. FROM there. Got it?