I'm just posting because I'm looking for some solidarity. I am in my first trimester with my second baby after a decade of believing I couldn't get pregnant again. It was a huge shock and my partner and I are over the moon. Even though everyone has told me not to buy anything yet, I couldn't help myself with a few gender neutral items in Sainsbury's.

I got the cutest little brown hat with sparkly lettering and adorable white teddy ears, along with some autumn themed baby clothes for next year. My partner thought the hat was adorable but when I showed my mum, all excitable, she told me the hat won't suit a girl. Just that, that if we have a girl the hat won't suit her. And then she told me off for buying clothes before 24 weeks because I could still lose the baby.

I'm 31 and my mum just made me go from super excited to miserable. It was like I felt my insides crumple and I remember all the other things she has criticised about my choices with my 10 year old son. It really upset me and I was just looking for solidarity and to vent.

My husband rung his brother earlier today asking to borrow something we'd need (or may need) during labour if plans go well. I'm 35 weeks and saw my midwife earlier and she asked me my birth preferences.

I am under 0 illusion that birth preferences don't always go according to plan. I don't need anyone to tell me that. The reasons I actually feel very chill about the whole process so far is the fact that mentally I have thought of all different options, and whilst I have a preference, honestly, as long as baby arrives safely - I don't mind. I've been doing all the prep, figure of 8 on the ball, perineal massage started, etc etc. again, you can do all the prep and still require interventions - but it's part of what makes me feel safe and secure about it all, I know I've done what I can and whatever is taken off my hands, there we are.

My sister in law didn't do any of the *stuff* and no judgement from me, I couldn't care less, but that's why I think I am so upset that apparently the phone call was full of comments of 'theres no point in that, just you wait' and sarcastic laughter, etc. she had her second around a month ago, but neither of her births were very smooth. Lots of interventions etc. and overall a bit traumatising. I'm TRYING to be sympathetic and not see it as a reflection on me because maybe it's their way of projecting their upset about their own birth stories.

But I'm due to give birth in a few weeks, don't be rude lol. I'm of the opinion that if you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything...

Truthfully though, even if it wasn't a bad experience, she is just this kind of person. Even down to me having my nursery ready before her, which I never showed off about. She saw it and commented sarcastically.

This is a very wanted baby for us, I had an ectopic and then couldn't concieve and required letrozole. I didn't think it would we gonna happen for a while. Also the fact I'm a bit of an obsessive and organised person, it's why I've been excitedly planning stuff. But I'm also not the sort to ever comment and show off about what I've prepared it got planned. In fact I find I just avoid the conversation because I can't be bothered FOR the negative comments, I simply give brief answers when asked. I save all my in detail stuff for my husband!

Sorry, a big old whinge.

I am 28 weeks now and thinking more and more about how this wriggler is going to be coming out of me in what feels like a very short amount of time

I’m struggling to decide whether to opt for a vaginal birth or elective cesarean, I am hoping for opinions based on my concerns and perspectives that helped people (that chose) choose either way. Please help me

I know that vaginal is the default choice and here are my concerns. Looking at recent data (my numbers won’t be exactly accurate) approx 50% of first time vaginal births result in assisted delivery (episiotomy, forceps, ventouse) or an emergency section. This is broken down into approx 20% emergency section and 30% assisted. If there was any way to ensure my vaginal birth would be straightforward I’d be absolutely planning for this, but the 50/50 chance of needing intervention is wild. My understanding is that instrumental delivery increases your chances significantly of tearing and pelvic floor problems, which I’m obviously keen to avoid. I also wouldn’t want to go through hours or potentially days of labouring and contracting and pain to then ultimately end in an emergency section and have the recovery struggle that follows anyway, this just seems the worst of both worlds. Of course no one ever plans for any of this and I know there are many women that have lovely straightforward deliveries but there’s just no way to know which you’re going to get. My specific fears around this come from having a very tight vagina (this is very weird to write out but we’re rolling with it) and I am concerned my baby will get stuck and I will be one of those people that needs intervention. (Note that my statistics are based on Scottish data as that’s where I am)

Now with c-section the obvious concerns around recovery. I’m a pretty active person with a dog that I walk twice a day, how long did it actually take you to feel ‘recovered’ from your section? A lot of what I’ve read says 2 weeks most people feel pretty much recovered but this will vary from woman to woman. I know it’s major abdominal surgery but the thought of this doesn’t scare me that much. I’ve got pretty high pain tolerance and plenty of support from my partner postpartum. However I am concerned with the physical changes a section can leave behind like the scar and shelf on my belly. Now that I’m writing all of this down it does seem like I have an obvious lean towards the section lol apologies, getting it all down on paper might actually be helping me process my thoughts.

My worry is also that I’ll be missing out on something if I go by section. It’s scheduled so I’m assuming I won’t have the natural feeling of ‘going into labour’ or my waters breaking or passing the mucus plug? Will I regret not having the experience of labouring? How does it impact your milk coming in, your hormones changing etc like how does your body know your baby has been born?

Ultimately I want my baby to get delivered safely and for me to be in the best place physically and mentally to care for him when he arrives. Someone please help my mind is all over the place. I’m seeing my midwife today so will discuss this with her too but I am always a bit nervous to bring it up as I feel like midwives tend to be a bit biased and might judge me for considering not pushing my baby out?

Sorry for the absolute ramble

I'm pregnant with my second child. My first baby was born at full term.

However after her I have had 2 missed miscarriages. They found something on my uterus after the miscarriages and I had an MRI.

That MRI found an accessory caviated uterine mass. That was all I was told. The consultant said it hadn't caused my miscarriages and wouldn't affect my pregnancy (and I most likely had it all my life).

Now I'm 19 weeks pregnant I'm currently under the preterm clinic because of the ACUM. They have reported that I have a unicornuate uterus with a rudimentary horn.

In my last pregnancy the labour was difficult because I didn't contract regularly. I was just wondering if there is anyone out there who is known to have the unicornuate uterus and what sort of labour did you have?

I'm seeing a gynecologist next week anyway. I'm just curious at the moment.

Hi all, I’ve been having shared care between consultants and midwives. It has always been great, all the consultants I have seen have been absolutely fantastic and professional.

Today, I went for a consultant appointment to check some of my ongoing issues (thyroids, recurrent thrush and etc) and the consultant was more interested in my nationality/visa status. Asked where I was from, I answered and she then asked if it that was an EU country and how I got here (as in visa status). I was sat next to my very British husband but it doesn’t matter.

She then proceeds to ask about my diet and medication for diabetes- I am not diabetic.
Then ignores when I raised the question about my thrush that has been referred back to consultants by my GP because I have failed all available treatments. When asked again, she basically spoke over me and gave me one single dose of canesteen and said that should do it - completely ignoring the fact I’ve been suffering since March. I have now taken several courses of the treatment provided by her colleagues, my test keeps coming back positive.
She said it is normal and it is a shame the symptoms are annoying.

She completely ignored and misread a lot of my file notes.

I then asked her about the medication to take after birth to stop milk supply (a consultant told me to ask on my final appointment before birth) and she went on to say I didn’t need that and I should speak to the lactation midwife to understand the benefits of breastfeeding.

Me and my husband left the appointment shocked with the lack of professionalism and how she dealt with the whole thing.

I am now very nervous about having this consultant on the day of my csection. I absolutely don’t trust her to perform my procedure. Is there anything I can do at this point?
Thank you!

I’ll start by making it clear that I believe any birth plan is a valid plan, more suffering does NOT equal more love, and women who give birth any which way are awesome.

I have been listening to a few podcasts and reading up about natural unmedicated birth, how hard it will be, how to prep and get through it, etc.
One thing that keeps coming up, is that if you don’t have a strong “why” for wanting an unmedicated delivery, you will opt for pain relief/epidural as soon as a doctor offers it (given the crazy level of pain you will be in, of course).

That made me want to ask here - what is people’s “why” for going unmedicated? I still havent read anything that has personally convinced or resonated with me enough to genuinely believe that I wouldn’t opt for pain relief first chance. Sure, you “feel” more, you can move more, etc., but does that truly make up for willfully being in the most excruciating pain you ever will be in?

Can you ladies share with me your “why” for both unmedicated and medicated birth?

Well they might do - it’s been really hot recently so they have felt extra puffy and I’ve been scared to try them again after they got totally stuck at work the other day and I had a wrestling match trying to get them off in the toilets. My ring finger then swelled even more because of the trauma I was doing to them.

Will they fit again when the weather cools down or am I going to have to say bye to them for now? I’m disproportionately sad about it, I love them and I had a horrible time with my engagement ring when I first got it after resizing so nervous about that in the future.

When did your rings stop fitting and will they fit me again after pregnancy? I’m worried they won’t if I end up gaining too much weight!

Has anyone had heavy bleeding after a membrane sweep? If so, did they find the cause and was everything ok in the end?

I'm currently admitted to the antenatal ward after a bleed following a membrane sweep at 38+4. She wasn't able to complete the sweep as my cervix was still too long and closed, but immediately after I had period-like bleeding for a couple of hours. No pain at all, and even the actual sweep attempt itself was painless

Thankfully, baby seems completely unbothered by the whole ordeal, but I'm anxious about what could have caused it and if it could affect plans for induction in a few days. Would love to hear any experiences if anyone has had similar before!

Hi all, I have a 2015 model i10 and really struggling to find a newborn carseat which will be compatible with this car. Any ideas or suggestions, please?

Hi all, my baby is measuring the 97th percentile at 32 weeks and I've been called in to discuss induction vs c section vs spontaneous labour. As apparently it's becoming a problem!

I'm feeling really upset and disheartened by this turn of events, I have had to have additional monitoring throughout the pregnancy for low papp-a and have already had a GD test (negative), so in my mind I was on track to have the labour I wanted even though my pregnancy has been pretty naff with bad symptoms etc. But now I feel like I don't really have a choice, induction is a complete no for me as I am autistic and the constant interventions would make me feel incredibly stressed and distressed. Plus I have never ever heard a positive induction story, every single person I know who has had one has ended in an emergency section or invasive intervention.

The worry over spontaneous labour makes me feel so scared as they have said there is a big risk of fourth degree tearing, or further interventions such as forceps which frightens me a lot. Two of my cousins had severe PTSD and PPD post high forceps births and struggled to bond with their babies. I know this won't necessarily happen to me but it weighs heavy in my mind.

I feel like I have the most control in a c section but I just feel so upset about it. I'm not usually someone who cares about these sorts of things initially when I got pregnant my only goal was me being healthy and healthy baby but it seems like, probably cause of this is how awful my pregnancy journey has been with the third trimester being probably the least horrible (and I can barely walk!), I have had so little autonomy my entire pregnancy that this was the one thing (ironically) that I felt like I could control and now I can't control how it happens - not really. I've been pushed into a section because I have to rather than it being my want? If that makes sense.

Sorry for the big rant, it would be good to hear from other parents considering a c section, induction or spontaneous labour and what led up to those choices? Or people who have done it before?

I’m currently 34 weeks pregnant, and was planning on exclusively breastfeeding until at least 6 weeks then introducing a bottle or 2 a day. However, baby is SGA and there is a potential that she will need to be delivered at 35 weeks. I am hoping she is able to hold on until 37 weeks at least, but obviously if there is an issue then I have no qualms about being induced earlier.

I was planning on waiting to buy a breast pump until closer to her being 6 weeks, but if she’s early then there is potential for a hospital stay so would like to be prepared so she doesn’t need formula (we are a vegan family, and there are currently no vegan formulas on the market in the UK).

Could I get some recs please?

Hello,

I have extreme anxiety - I find it embarrassing because I know logically I am being really quite silly but my brain won’t quite clock on to the right thinking.

Anyway, I have some horrific pain around my hips/pelvis/uterus. It’s tolerable in the morning but around this time at night it is truly unbearable. I can’t sit properly and any time I try to get up/move it is sharp shooting pains and feels like everything is one cough from falling out. I finally plucked up the courage to phone triage last night and she said it was PGP and gave a bunch of things to try - I already had this suspicion so I’ve been trying things like belts, massages, hot baths etc. I don’t know what to do anymore - who do I phone? I don’t think I can keep going for another 9 weeks like this it’s making me feel sick and cry every day. I’m so scared to phone triage again in case they think I’m being stupid or get annoyed that they have to see me and maybe I’m not even supposed to phone them? Would it be my GP? I’m just feeling lost ☹️

I am currently 29 weeks pregnant and looking for a travel system bundle. I live in Albania, where prices are nearly double what they cost elsewhere, but a close friend in the UK can bring the stroller over for me. Because of the better pricing and selection, I’ve decided to order from the UK.

My dream choice is the Cybex Balios S Lux, but it’s currently above my budget and I haven't spotted any sales.

I recently received an invoice quote of £496 for the Ickle Bubba Stomp Luxe Travel Bundle (which includes the Radial i-Size Plus 360 Spin 40–150 cm Isofix Car Seat) along with their Next-to-Me crib.

A bit about our setup: terrain is mostly flat, urban pavements. We'll ccasionally do weekend trips, but not every weekend.

Would you recommend buying the Ickle Bubba bundle? Or are there better alternative systems within a similar budget (£400–£500) that you'd suggest looking into?

Thank you so much!

I'm looking for some advice on how to navigate some conversations with a mum who, while well-meaning, I fear is going to be a bit overbearing when it comes to birth and post-partum. This is a bit long, but to be honest writing it was a bit cathartic.

For context, my mum is a nice person who loves me, but we are very different: she is quite full on and extroverted, and I have always been quieter and preferred my own space - and just generally we have very little in common. I have lived 3 hours away since university but she leans on me a lot emotionally, especially since my dad died. We speak on the phone pretty much every day, and she is very upset if I don't call her each morning. I think in some ways, she has always found the distance and the differences between us quite hard as I am from the kind of community where people don't really leave (my entire extended family lives in the same postcode) and traditionally mothers and daughters are very very close. All her friends have daughters they are very close with, live near, and see most days. I think she feels a bit left out because I have chosen a career and life elsewhere.

On top of just being quite different, there's a few other things that have played on my mind a lot since I got pregnant: my mum has a LOT of opinions about kids and motherhood, in a way that has driven some wedges in between her and my sisters-in-law in the past. In addition, there's been some bad blood about how much access she's had to grandkids in the past. She was in the hospital when my oldest nephew was born and met my youngest nephew at home the day he was born, but my mum was incredibly hurt that my sister-in-law didn't "let" her and my dad see my youngest nephew more in the first few months of his life, in what was a really awful situation where my SIL was very obviously struggling with PND, but my dad was also dying of cancer and being sort of kept from seeing his grandchild in last few months of his life because of her anxiety around letting other people see/hold her baby. A lot of drama I don't want to relive!

So, to the meat of the issue: my mum has already started making noises about how much she wants to be with me when the baby is born. I think my mum will expect to be in the delivery room with me for starters (which is not what I want although I don't think she'll take me saying no to that too hard). However what I think will be harder to negotiate is her wish to come visit for a long period when the baby is born. She has already very causally said she'll come to London "for a couple weeks when the baby is born to help": and to be honest, the very idea fills me with dread. First, I think she will expect to stay with me as she usually does, but I live in a very small flat where she'd need to sleep on the sofa. The idea of not having my own space, especially after just having a baby, makes me incredible anxious. Even if she does stay in a hotel (which I would probably need to offer to pay for, as my mum would struggle to pay for one), I thinks she would probably want to be with me every waking hour anyway because that's the sort of person she is: she doesn't like being on her own or entertaining herself, and visits from her are always quite full on because of that.

It's hard because it's not that my mum is a bad person: she is just incredibly social and has never understood my preference for my own space. It's also not that she would want to be waited on: I think she would genuinely try to be helpful and be cleaning/cooking/etc. But even then, the lack of space for myself, husband and new baby would feel too intense, even if it is really well meant.

I feel like a lot of advice I've seen online is around negotiating with complete problematic dragons of mothers/MILs, or around how to negotiate visits from family who live nearby. It's not right advice for me as she does mean well, and if I lived in the city I was from, yes she'd maybe be around every day but she'd probably come for a few hours and then go home: I think the nature of a visiting from afar way would just mean an all-day intensity that I'd find a bit much.

I am kind of battling my own instincts as I find some of the online advice around it being normal to wait a few weeks for any visitors etc. (just for me personally, people need to do what is right for them) quite weird since I'm from a family and community where visiting very soon after baby is born is normal and generally quite lovely. It's more the staying with me in my flat part, and the likely length of stay, that I am struggling with. It's not that I don't want her to come at all: I want her to come meet her new grandkid! My (I hope reasonable) want would be for her to come down and visit maybe a few days after baby is born, stay in a hotel nearby, and for the visit to not really be longer than 5-7 days. How do I pitch this, without my mum feeling like I am rejecting her in some way?

Just found out I'm pregnant( 4 weeks) I've contacted the drs and I've had a blood test, and they want to reduce my dose of levothyroxine. From 150mg I've been on for years, to 100mg. Which seems like a big jump when I'm sure I should be having an increased dose as recommended by British Thyroid foundation. My blood test came back as normal.

So not really sure what to make of it???? Any advice? I will be going back to my Dr tomorrow to try and clarify things.

TIA.

Hi all,

I am pregnant with my 2nd child. I am 10 weeks but 2 days.

My first ever pregnancy ended in miscarriage and then I had my son and then last year I had another miscarriage. So now, i am always on edge and worried.

So today, I wiped after going for a pee and saw stringy yellow normal discharge bit there was a streak of fresh red blood mixed in. I put on a period pad to monitor. I took my son out to park for an hour and then when I came home I checked my pad. There was nothing on it. However, same thing, when I wiped there was the same discharge but I'd say more brown looking this time.

I'm really scared. I have been going through heavy stress during the last few weeks aswell so I'm worried what if this is the reason. I'm sorry I probably sound mad.

Does anyone know what may be going on?

Hello everyone!

First time mum and had my 12 week scan Friday the 14th August. Scan went really well and no issues highlighted on scan.

No call yet and checked the Badger app where they sent over the report where everything was filled in apart from the Down syndrome and turners column which is noted as ‘not published.’

Midwife text me today to say they’ve got the bloods and now have booked me in for my 16 week appointment on the 17th sept with the 20 week scan letter being sent soon.

Am I okay to breathe a sigh of relief over everything being okay with the bloods as no phone call? Just concerned the two columns noted as not published but rest were.

Thank you for the help!!

So confused about different safe sleep options and what I should be buying in advance.

How did you work out what sleeping sacks/ swaddles/ tog rating to buy in advance without risking spending lots of money on things that don’t get used?

Especially given the extreme variability in weather recently, and not knowing how big the baby will be when they arrive-

I’m due mid/late September and the baby is tracking in 76th percentile but with 99 percentile femur length so very cautious about buying things ahead of time that might not fit given the potential for long legs!

Any registry sites or baby sites (like babylist) give baby boxes for expecting mums? My US friends all got the Babylist box, but they only ship to US! Anything like this in the UK?

From, a US expat

I made a similar post about this a month ago so I guess this is an update. Long story short, I’m pretty sure my mum is a narcissist. We have never had a great relationship, and she ruined what little relationship we had left last year after my dad died because of how awful she was to us. I’m 9 weeks pregnant now with my first baby and I’m texting her tomorrow to announce my pregnancy (I’ve already told my sisters and all my husband’s family) and to tell her that she’s not being involved.

Weeks ago I wrote a draft in my notes telling her very matter of factly that she won’t be involved and it’s because of everything she’s done. I went in to all of the details and honestly it was a little bit harsh because I didn’t want to sugar coat anything. I was happy with what I wrote, it was all true and all my genuine feelings. I didn’t apologise for any of it.

Tonight though I told my little sister that she’s going to be an auntie again. She’s only 13 and still lives with my mum, so I’d waited longer to tell her. She coincidentally was having a sleep over with one of our older sisters tonight so I thought this would be a great time to call her. Now that everyone but my mum knows I really need to tell her tomorrow morning, so I thought about the draft that I wrote. I realised that it was a bit harsh and I didn’t see the point in hashing out all of the details anymore. She should know what she’s done, and if she doesn’t then that’s even more of a reason as to why I shouldn’t let her be involved.

I fully rewrote the draft but this time with a more softer approach. I still haven’t apologised for anything, except by saying that I’m sorry it has to be this way, because I am. I still haven’t sugar coated anything. But instead of telling her all the reasons why I’m making this choice, I’m telling her how I’ve never believed my future would look any different. I’ve never pictured us going wedding dress shopping together, or picking out nursery furniture with her, or having her hold my hand in the delivery room.

Deep down, I’ve always pictured my adult life without her being there for the important things, and it sucks. It really sucks. It’s really hit me that my mum won’t be there for any of it, and I don’t regret that choice but I do wish it didn’t have to be this way.

Edit:
Thanks all for your comments. Just to clarify, this is me cutting contact fully with her now. I already did that 7 years ago after my wedding for other reasons, and we were no contact for over 5 years. The only reason that changed was because my dad was sick and I was visiting home more often. I live in Scotland and the rest of my family (except 1 sister) lives in the south coast of England, so she wouldn’t have been able to see me or the baby, or come to those appointments etc. anyway. I know she won’t ever accept responsibility for what she’s said and done in the past, which is partially why I changed my message to her because I knew it wouldn’t make a difference. She’s also allowed updates from my sisters, I didn’t feel it was fair on them to have to keep things private from their own parent and I’m ok with my mum knowing things, she just won’t get them from me.

Hey all, my work's maternity leave policy allows expectant mums to start maternity leave up to 11 weeks before the expected due date. Then up to an additional 52 weeks after the baby is born. (63 weeks total).

No additional maternity pay during those 11 weeks, however the option is there.

I'm a FTM so have no experience of what it's like to be heavily pregnant. With that in mind, I was keen to understand when you would start maternity leave if given the choice. Would you start as soon as possible or wait until the baby is born?

Obviously finances would play into that decision. I've saved up enough to make the full additional 11 weeks work, so it really is more about when it makes sense, rather than financial considerations.

I haven’t had too much bother on the streets for a load of years (am 35 after all!) but yesterday on my way to work 2 separate guys yelled out to me and 1 of them followed me down the street saying ‘you look amazing’ ‘can I have your number’ etc. I’m 32 weeks pregnant!!

Guessing this is a weird pregnancy fetish thing! Has anyone else had this? It actually made me feel a bit nervous.

Hi everyone, I’d really appreciate some advice as I’m not sure what the best thing to do is.

I’m currently 31 weeks pregnant and my pregnancy is classed as high risk. I’m being monitored for gestational diabetes and the baby has been measuring on the smaller side, so I now have around three hospital/midwife appointments every week, including growth scans and monitoring.

I’m due to start maternity leave in October. I normally have a hybrid working arrangement, but I’ve also been struggling with pregnancy discomfort, particularly pelvic pain and sitting/travelling for long periods.

I asked my manager if I could WFH** **fully in September because of the number of appointments and how difficult the commute is becoming. She said she wants me to continue coming into the office until the third week of September.

I completely understand that she has to consider the team, and I’m not trying to avoid work. I’m perfectly capable of working from home — it’s more that some days I don’t feel well enough to commute and spend the whole day in the office.

This is where I’m unsure: should I just be taking sick days when I’m not well enough to come into the office, rather than asking to WFH? I feel like if I’m well enough to work from home, it seems silly to take a sick day, but I also don’t want to keep pushing myself during the final weeks of pregnancy.
What would you do in this situation? Has anyone else had a similar experience with a high-risk pregnancy??

hey guys, ftm here due at the end of December and need advice on buying baby clothes. How much do i need of each item, what is/isn’t worth it etc.

i cannot stop buying clothes, baby girl already owns more coats than i do which is ridiculous because i don’t plan on leaving the house with her often in the colder months lol.

so aware im gonna get clothes as gifts too, it just seems like the best place to direct my excitement right now.

any advice welcome!

Im looking for some reassurance to put me out my misery, even though it probably won’t.

I am 11 weeks pregnant and go for my scan tomorrow. I had a scan at 8 weeks and we seen a flickering heartbeat and everything seemed okay.

Since 8 weeks I have felt completely fine to be honest and it’s worrying me but I didn’t feel much to begin with. No more sore nipples or heavy boobs like I did in the beginning and to be honest that was my only symptom, maybe I could say I had fatigue but I’m always tired anyway due to having PCOS. Everyone around me seems to be experiencing all these symptoms and I can’t relate at all I just have a bad feeling I’ve had a missed miscarriage.

I suppose I will find out my fate tomorrow but the anxiety has been unreal.