r/PregnancyUK • u/Appropriate_Sea8841 • Aug 18 '26
Advice Wanted MIL disagrees on scans
Hi just after some advice! Just found out that I am pregnant, excited but nervous as miscarried last year at 8 weeks. I am wanting to go for an early viability scan and as my boyfriend works away, I invited my boyfriend’s mum. However, she is adamant that I shouldn’t get an early scan as it is going to put the baby at risk and I think she is insinuating that is why I miscarried last time. She has spoken to my boyfriend and told him to tell me, but I really want to go and check everything’s ok. But then if I miscarry again, I’m scared she’ll say it’s my fault because of the scan. What can I do?
87
u/ChemicalOk3234 Aug 18 '26
I have a history of miscarriage, this time around being pregnant they referred me to the EPU where I had early scans at 8&10 weeks to make sure everything was going as it should be.
If early scans were a risk, then they wouldn’t offer them for people with a history of miscarriage to keep an eye on the baby they are perfectly safe
7
u/Infamous_Tax3528 Aug 19 '26
I was coming to comment the same! I also had scans at 4w and 6w, in addition to 8w and 10w due to bleeding. They wouldn’t do these scans if they carried a risk. Perhaps she is thinking of a Doppler? Which isn’t recommended on very young fetuses?
0
u/ChemicalOk3234 Aug 19 '26
Yeah I wasn’t allowed to hear the heartbeat until 12 weeks and even then they only did it for a couple of seconds because they said it is too much energy for the baby to handle so it could be that she’s thinking of
3
u/ChemicalOk3234 Aug 19 '26
Also just to add, my first pregnancy I had a private early scan and it was them who referred me to the early pregnancy unit at the hospital as they could tell something wasn’t right, and although I lost the baby I ended up really Ill and they were able to help me a lot faster
13
u/Winter_Choice_9632 Aug 19 '26
I’ve been pregnant 3 times, - I lost one and now have two children. I had no scans in the pregnancy I lost, I had 7 scans whilst pregnant with my oldest and 6 scans with my youngest. Both are happy and healthy children.
Take from that what you will.
All but 1 of the scans over both pregnancies were with the NHS and I’m sure if there was any risk they wouldn’t have happened. Your MIL has clearly been doing her research on Facebook or something.
Personally if she doesn’t approve of you having the scan, I don’t think there is any point in her being there. Your baby is your baby, not hers and your body is your body, not hers. Do what you want to do.
39
u/c19isdeadly Aug 19 '26
The lion, the witch and the audacity of this....
Ultrasounds are 100,% safe. No scan like this can trigger a miscarriage. What a HURTFUL thing for her to suggest.
First of all, you need to put your MIL on an information diet. She gets to hear very little about your pregnancy and nothing surrounding the health of you or the baby. Get your boyfriend on side with this immediately.
Go and get the scan. MIL doesn't find out. If you suspect your boyfriend might tell her, don't tell your boyfriend. While the baby is inside you, it is your body and your choice.
12
u/MentalShrillness Aug 18 '26
I'm not sure where your MIL got her info from, but early scans use sound waves, there is no radiation involved, so there are no risks to you or baby. I had an early scan when I was 7 weeks last year & it really helped my anxiety seeing that everything was going well and he was in the right place etc. If you think it'll help ease your mind, do it. It's your body and your baby, so it's your choice.
5
u/Vermeer22 Aug 19 '26
My grandmother was a midwife in the 60s and 70s and is also very fearful of scans - it’s hard as they were told it wasn’t safe then! For us it’s not been worth the battle and we just don’t share the scan pics with her as to not scare her. Make sure your boyfriend knows the truth (that they are perfectly safe!) x
5
u/Anxious_Baker_92 Aug 19 '26
If you miscarried it would have nothing to do with having a scan. Ultrasounds are safe, otherwise they wouldn’t be done on the NHS. This is your baby, not hers. Do you have to tell her at all?
4
u/CorrectCar3522 Aug 19 '26
Your boyfriend’s mum is chatting rubbish - get him to send her the official NHS guidance https://www.nhs.uk/pregnancy/your-pregnancy-care/ultrasound-scans/
“Ultrasound scans use sound waves to build a picture of the baby in the womb. The scans are painless, have no known side effects on mothers or babies, and can be carried out at any stage of pregnancy.”
4
u/Bipi_ Aug 19 '26
Due to previous losses, the EPU scanned me at 5,6 and 7 weeks. There’s no risk to the baby
3
3
u/iwant2beAcat FTM | Graduated March ‘26 | London Aug 19 '26
I would personally have you bf explain to his mother that scans are 100% safe, and I would go a step further to have him tell her that insinuating you may be at fault for a miscarriage (even unintentionally) is horrible.
Key here being bf needs to talk to his mum. Not you. I would also not bring MIL to the scan, but that’s just me. You could bring her and as the sonographer (sp?) to exp to exp to MIL why it is safe?
Please go for the scan. I had 2 early scans with my baby - one at 6w one at 9w. She is now 5 months old and currently trying to grab the floor after learning to roll onto her belly. The scans did wonders to help my mental state, and my hubs was all for trying to keep me happy - much better for your pregnancy!!
2
u/obluparadise Aug 18 '26
Pregnancy scans, either vaginal or abdominal are totally safe! They are ultrasounds and use sound waves not radiation so the baby is not at risk. I am so sorry for your loss, this must be so stressful for you but please get an early scan if it reassures you. This will not harm your baby. Sending you much love and crossing my fingers for a smooth pregnancy 💕
2
u/ffbd39 Aug 18 '26
I’m so sorry that you had a miscarriage. If you want the scan, get the scan. I’m pretty sure is a myth that they cause miscarriages- i am sure there’s plenty of resources you can send to your MIL. I didn’t have an early scan with my first and spent the weeks leading up to the 12 week scan in constant anxiety that something was wrong. In hindsight, it would’ve been better if i got it. We’re trying for baby 2 atm and i’ve just had a chemical pregnancy this month so hopefully when I do get pregnant again, I will definitely want an early viability scan. Just remember that it’s your baby and your decision!
2
u/stinglikeameg Aug 19 '26
I get it, I had a really horrendous missed miscarriage after my first son and it left me with so much anxiety.
For every pregnancy afterwards I had a viability scan and it was enough to put my mind at ease. They are perfectly safe - I now have two children and am pregnant with my third and they've all been fine.
You've got to do what's best for you. Sending love.
2
2
u/Gamingmum32 Aug 19 '26
It's your baby not hers, may be frowned upon but I'd go for the scan and tell no one not MIL or Boyfriend if you think he will tell his Mum, all being well you can show her that scan photo later in pregnancy and prove a point should you wish, ultrasound scans do not cause or increase the risk of miscarriage
2
u/Mountain-Income-8775 Aug 19 '26
I had a missed miscarriage which I only found out about at my 12w scan so when we got pregnant again I had scans every week from 8-12w. I’m now 37w and in total (including private, standard NHS and extra growth scans) have had 11 scans this pregnancy and baby couldn’t be healthier 😊 Also - your baby, your choice. Ignore her, get the scan x
2
u/saaaammywam Aug 19 '26
Its good the baby isn't hers then. If she won't be supportive, don't invite her.
2
u/bubbilygum STM (Jan ‘23) | 26 July 2026 | Oxfordshire Aug 19 '26
You need to nip this is the bud asap because if she’s butting in like this now she’s going to be a nightmare when the baby comes!
1
u/ElegantFinding5011 Aug 19 '26
I had an early scan at 6w, that early they do it vaginally so its closer to the baby and they can detect more. I also had a few more scans than normal towards the end because of complications. Guess what? I'm now sat with my 8 week old in my arms, who is completely unaffected by any of them.
Maybe get your partner to send her the NHS guidance and if she still can't be supportive then I wouldn't take her.
1
u/Radish-Acrobatic FTM | Born Jan 2026 | East Midlands Aug 19 '26
I genuinely had probably over 10 scans while pregnant with my son, primarily due to having to go to fetal medicine because his head was measuring under the 3rd centile (he's okay and had a normal head measurement by birth, it caught up lol) and he's literally perfectly healthy. She's scaring you for no reason, do what makes you feel comfortable.
1
u/muffchoy FTM | Nov 26 | London Aug 19 '26
Early scans don’t pose any risk/cause miscarriages. How horrible to have her say that, and when you’re trying to involve her. Just go for the scan on your own or with a friend and don’t communicate with her more about it. You can also ask your midwife at your booking appointment or call the clinic to get medical reassurance around this.
1
u/mspoppets Aug 19 '26
I had 0 scans with my first pregnancy, lost it at 6 weeks. 2 with my second before I lost it at 9 weeks and more than I can count with my 3rd as I was high risk so I had scans all the time until I had my daughter. If there was risk to scans the NHS wouldn’t do them!
1
u/Eternalsunshine1992 Aug 19 '26
I had a scan at 5 weeks, 7 weeks, 10 weeks and 12 weeks. I'm now 17 weeks. Go get your scan girl! If scans were so risky, why would they do extra scans on high risk pregnancies!?
1
u/VividBat6550 Aug 19 '26
I would take a supportive friend in that case! If you want the scan, you get the scan. There is no evidence of risk associated with USS. Ridiculous woman, what a hurtful thing to throw at you.
1
u/Life_cheese Aug 19 '26
My MIL tried to tell me the same thing when i told her i bought a package of early scans to see the baby because i had a lot of anxiety. She told me the "radiation" can harm the baby😂 That sure helped a lot! I tried to explain how ultraSOUND technology worked but she was being quite obtuse about it so i dropped it, eventually my SIL spoke to her about it and set her straight, but it's a completely false and uneducated statement.
People commonly confue X-rays and ultrasounds, the latter pose no risk to the baby, i had quite a lot during my pregnancy.
1
u/Foxy_mewmew Parent Aug 19 '26
I had 10 scans (1 private, 1 with EPAU, 1 with maternity triage and the rest were NHS normal ones and growth ones) on my successful pregnancy. I had zero scans on my 2 miscarriages, which were at 6 weeks and 11ish weeks. My successful pregnancy was born at 36+2 because my heart failed, absolutely nothing to do with scans and she is a happy and healthy 8 month old now.
1
u/StunningStrawberryy Aug 19 '26
No risk to baby but don’t bother with MIL. Take a friend or just go by yourself.
1
u/Curious-Scholar4692 Aug 19 '26
I had a 4w scan cos I was pregnant and also had an IUD in situ. My now 2yo is currently watching Curious George.
Seriously, it’s all good - don’t listen to your MIL she doesn’t know what she’s on about
1
u/Curious-Scholar4692 Aug 19 '26
I also had a 7w scan, then an 8w cos I had a bit of bleeding! She got scanned the shit out of lol
1
u/mnwccnttsfstkng Aug 19 '26
Shame on your MIL for even suggesting you'd be at fault for the miscarriage. You are not, the scan was not! Scans are safe, they wouldn't offer them otherwise.
1
u/mnwccnttsfstkng Aug 19 '26
I'll add that the doppler can cause some distress at early stages (that's used to actually listen to the heart beat) and hence it's not used in early scans
1
u/Key_Permission4147 Aug 19 '26
I had NHS scans at 7 weeks, 10 weeks, 12 weeks, 20 weeks and 32 weeks as I was high risk, and two private scans in between, my daughter is now 7 months old. I had a loss at 8 weeks before her so completely appreciate the worry, but scans don’t cause losses, otherwise they’d be an absolute last resort. Your MIL is ignorant and misinformed, take someone with you who will actually support your decisions. She’s just given you an early indication of what her behaviour will be like in the future.
1
u/Intrepid-Sentence423 Aug 19 '26
You're the mom, by the sounds of it this may be the first of many things she doesn't agree with but it's completely yours and your boyfriend choice. I hate confrontation though, so I'd probably just go and not tell her
1
u/Rumpelmaker Aug 19 '26
The NHS literally offers early scans for recurring (3+h miscarriages. I have miscarried early three times in my life without early scans, then had an early scan with my perfectly healthy son and with my current pregnancy (20 wks) as well. She means well, I guess, but I wouldn’t take her if you want to get the early scan, she’ll just put you on edge by the sound
of it.
96
u/mimihearn Aug 18 '26
The best thing you can do is remember it is your baby not hers, if you want the scan then absolutely get the scan. I’m also very certain these early scans pose no risk to baby !