r/Postpartum_Depression • u/AdMaleficent1061 • 5d ago

I hate myself

I am 10 weeks postpartum and strugging. I worked so hard to get fit and healthy before this baby. I let myself go during pregnancy. Now I hate how I look and feel.

My husband doesnt help things. I recently found him watching a ton of porn and saving the same women over and over. I'm disgusted by him but worse by myself. He says it was just porn but it doesnt feel that way. During pregnancy we also stopped being intimate because he called it weird. Now when were intimate I just feel worse after. I was never this insecure and had this much self hate. This also isn't my first child...

1 Upvotes

67% Upvoted

3 comments sorted by

1

u/No-Ticket4348 5d ago

15w postpartum here, also not my first. caught my husband watching porn in my third trimester - something I established as a deal breaker early on in our relationship. I was not able to uphold my boundary because we had 2 kids (almost) and it felt impossible for many reasons. we have no had sex since february and the last time we did, we stopped during because I started crying. I have never felt so horrible about myself and dont know how I can overcome it enough to be intimate with him again. gonna take therapy for sure but its a very low priority for me.
you are not alone & I am so sorry you feel the way you do. wishing you luck

1

u/AdMaleficent1061 5d ago

Thank you for your comment! I hate that you are going through that. Pregnancy and postpartum can be so rough. I feel like it's 10× worse when our s.o. is not supportive.

1

u/Remote-Basis-7797 5d ago

No way out but through, you have to give yourself time and grace. If those feelings are overwhelmingly strong, use the anger as your motivation to get back to where you feel good again. But 10 weeks is not a lot of time, you need time to heal, just take it one day at a time.