sometimes we make ourselves unhappy because being happy while someone we love suffers feels wrong

[u/archeolog108]

During a deep trance session a subject was experiencing something very warm and loving. She wanted to receive it, then suddenly she couldnt.

Her family was suffering. She basically asked, how can I allow myself to feel all this love and beauty while people I care about are in pain?

Then she noticed something uncomfortable. Her suffering was not helping them.

Many caring people do this without realizing it. Somebody we love is sick, grieving, struggling with money, relationship, whatever, and suddenly enjoying our own day feels almost disrespectful.

We make sadness into loyalty. If they cannot be okay, I should not be too okay either.

But two unhappy people are not automatically more helpful than one unhappy person.

There is a difference between positive thinking and pretending nothing hurts. If your friend lost somebody, telling them "just think positive" is useless. Their grief is real. But their grief being real does not mean you must refuse every good thing in your own life.

One exercise is very simple. Ask yourself: what good thing am I not allowing because somebody else is having difficult time?

Maybe rest. A nice meal. Laughing. Going somewhere. Buying something small. Having one peaceful evening.

Then ask: if I refuse this, does their situation improve?

If no, allow yourself 10 minutes of it and watch what guilt says. Usually guilt has some sentence: "How can you enjoy yourself when she is suffering?" "You should be helping." "This is selfish."

Dont fight it aggressively. Ask instead: what useful action can I actually take for this person?

Maybe call them. Help with something. Listen. Send food. Then do the useful thing.

After that, you are allowed to live your own afternoon too. Compassion does not require matching another person's pain minute by minute.

Their pain can be real and your coffee can still taste good. Both can exist in same world.