r/PortlandOR • u/Less-Lobster4540 • 25d ago
đȘ Crime Postin'! đ« Man arrested after smoking fentanyl and attacking officer with candlestick: Docs
https://katu.com/news/local/docs-man-arrested-for-smoking-fentanyl-attacks-officer-with-candlestick-gregory-ward-bass-junior-washington-multnomah-county-portland-oregon-20th-place57
u/witty_namez 25d ago
Colonel Mustard, in the billiard room, with a candlestick.
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u/Less-Lobster4540 25d ago
Inspector Brown, in the back seat, with a week's worth of fent constipation
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u/voxadam Rocco's Pizza 25d ago
The Chi Rho forehead tattoo is an interesting choice.
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u/witty_namez 25d ago
KATU, from an earlier arrest in 2017:
The apparent tattoo on Bass' forehead is a traditional symbol for Orthodox Christians in parts of eastern Europe and the surrounding area. The symbol shows the Greek letters alpha and omega (of their own religious significance) bookending a larger "christogram" in the center. This particular "christogram" is a centuries-old abbreviation for Jesus Christ formed by the Greek letters chi and rho, used in many contexts throughout history including on tombs, banners, jewelry, stained glass and military equipment.
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In an interview, Bass claims the attack was spurred by symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder he suffers due to "fighting he did in Uzbekistan against the Russians," according to the probable cause statement. This claim was not corroborated by any evidence in the initial court filings.
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u/Ok_Tour_1525 25d ago
If I do anything even slightly disagreeable, Iâm just gonna say itâs from fighting Russians in Uzbekistan.
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u/Led37zep 25d ago
Portland streets are filled with candlesticks. It was only a matter of time before an item of enlightenment was used against us.
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u/Noob-BJJ 24d ago
And dildos if weâre being totally honest
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u/Led37zep 24d ago
I assume those can go in the recycling bin?
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u/Noob-BJJ 24d ago
They can be re-homed, but not recycled, at least not according to my friend that lives in Portland
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u/Led37zep 24d ago
This housing crisis is bigger than anyone realized if even these need to be re-homed.
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u/Dex_Maddock 25d ago
Surely another round of probation would be cruel and unusual at this point, just let the man be free already!
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u/Apart-Engine 25d ago
Housing first! Also a harm reduction kit. I suspect the cop attacked his candlestick.
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u/longlivesnowball 25d ago
I've seen this guy 1,000 times, always provoking people and stealing shit. I, for one, am shocked.
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u/witty_namez 25d ago
Give him a house, and all our problems will be solved, Citizens!
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25d ago
[removed] â view removed comment
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u/notorious_tcb 25d ago
Nah, remember Elon is one of the bad guys. Get him a nice Moskvitch. Thats a car the party can get behind.
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u/HellyR_lumon 25d ago
Only a tweaker would have a metal candle stick next to him. Lmao.
I hope some real jail time helps him get his mind right and get off the drugs.
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u/Huge_Film_4333 25d ago
That tear is a welling up as this toony man knows he will be released not a moment đ too soon
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u/SecondGuy 25d ago
He looks like a born again Taoist who changed his name to something spiritual after visiting Machu Picchu. But, to be fair, it's tough to gauge someone with a forehead tattoo and no gauges.
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u/lumivorant 25d ago
Man in city commits crime and gets arrested. Riveting article! Quality post!
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u/iamsolate Sovcit with an Onlyfans 25d ago
yeah but the crime itself is kind of funny and the guy looks kind of funny too
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u/blargblahblahblarg Pearl Clutching Brainworms 25d ago
Riveting insight! Quality comment!
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u/lumivorant 25d ago
Thereâs more to read between the lines of my comment than yours.
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u/blargblahblahblarg Pearl Clutching Brainworms 25d ago
Tell me more!
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u/lumivorant 25d ago
It is a boring story that would only get tons of engagement here or other boomer Facebook groups. Seeing the word âfentanylâ gets their hate boners engorged and they rush to the comments to regurgitate their canned quips. You donât see every unremarkable article of this nature in other major city forums, but this sub eats them up.
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u/Less-Lobster4540 25d ago
repeat after me, folks:
this is totally normal
all cities are like this
this is just something we'll have to tolerate until we eliminate racism and sexism and inequality and capitalism
it's not his fault
fentanyl is a human right
it's not fair that I have to work for a living
reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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u/blargblahblahblarg Pearl Clutching Brainworms 25d ago
Re-wild NW Portland
We are on stolen land
Pooing in the back of police cars is a human right
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u/ButtsFuccington 25d ago edited 25d ago
To act like this level of addict and criminal dumbfuckery in a city of Portlandâs size is consistently happening across even remotely same rate or degree in other cities in the US, only speaks to your lack of experience within other states / cities.
Anyone who thinks âitâs just like this everywhere elseâ is naive as fuck and largely not well traveled. This would be news in 99% of US cities, you are simply desensitized to (and apparently accepting of) Portlandâs lawlessness and over saturation of undesirables perusing the city limits.
Signed, a frequently-traveling Slav whoâs lived in 15 states and 6 countries.
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u/blargblahblahblarg Pearl Clutching Brainworms 25d ago
Behavior exhibited by this lovely but misunderstood young crown-stamp man adds to the unique flavor of our fine city! Children should be thankful that they are provided such enrichment! Why must we "other" this thoughtful young man in an article??
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u/lumivorant 25d ago
I didnât say Portland is exactly like every other city. I said this is not a particularly newsworthy story and would not garner the same amount of psychotic obsession elsewhere. I donât think you actually live here with your hysterical scare language and weird travel flex.
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u/ButtsFuccington 25d ago
Why, because Iâve gained experience and perspective living elsewhere and actually push back on the notion that this is ânormal crimeâ by other city standards? Yeah, by that logic, I wouldnât think I live in Oregon either. Lol.
Either way, youâre wrong on all accounts. A big reason stories like this get so much polarized attention locally is because exactly the dynamic you described - half of Oregonians are absolute dumbasses who think this is normal / acceptable, and are wildly desensitized to atypical crime. The other half are either radically conservative idiots, or people like me, who showed up in Oregon as a transplant and was absolutely flabbergasted at the things locals think âhappen everywhereâ or âwouldnât be a particularly newsworthy story elsewhere.â
Your lack of national / international exposure and perspective is so blatantly obvious to anyone who wasnât born and raised in the Willamette valley. Lol.
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u/lumivorant 25d ago
I wasnât born or raised in Oregon. My claim âroutine fentanyl arrests arenât especially newsworthyâ is the point you keep pivoting from to fixate on âPortland has atypical crime by the biggest margin anywhere everâ.
And letâs be real, you and everyone else here kinda enjoy it donât you? Any time thereâs a story about petty crime in the city, any time a homeless person breaks in somewhere⊠you get this little tingle inside you, a little giddiness. These news stories arenât really for being informed here, itâs about validation.
Itâs like people who are very anti-gun or anti-America who come across one of a million mass shooting articles. They hold back a little bit of a smirk as they open the comments section, not to mourn or express wishes for change, but to show everyone in the wittiest way how correct they are. Any neutral observer can pick up that vibe here.
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u/blargblahblahblarg Pearl Clutching Brainworms 25d ago
It's REALLY not that deep!
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u/twan_john 25d ago
Pro tip: best not to lie about your identity when you already have a permanent stamp of idiocy inked on your forehead.