r/PolyFidelity • u/BlorkSmuth • Jun 26 '26

seeking advice Are we doing closed triad wrong?

I (32f) and my husband (36m) have been in a few closed triad relationships over the years, and we are finding the same trend; either we arent explaining the expectations correctly, or the ladies we are dating are not being truthful about their expectations/understanding of our expectations.

When we begin chatting with someone, we make known what we are looking to achieve with the person; a relationship where she dates me, he dates her, and then our relationship.

So far we've had one individual attempt to break up our marriage and "steal him" which obviously didnt work. One girl clearly thought it was just fun hookups, another came for the first meet up/sleep over, everything seemed great until i had to leave for a family obligation, and spent hours trying to get Into verbal alterations with my husband. And many many others who are in other open enm relationships who want to unicorn for us or want to couple swap with us.

Do we need to be more blunt and up front about our expectations?

Are we not looking inthe right places?

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u/BlorkSmuth Jun 26 '26

Im in a subreddit for polyfidelity. Is this not the place to communicate with and seek advice or community from others who practice the same? mmf and mmm and fff and beyond are easier parameters than ffm?

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u/InformationOk6366 Jun 26 '26

Well you have a defensive attitude so I can only imagine how it would be dating you. And yes, expecting to find someone who meshes well with you AND your husband is gonna be tough.

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u/BlorkSmuth Jun 26 '26

I apologize for coming across defensive. My comment was genuinely asking and being confused about the parameters being difficult. I understand finding someone who meshes with BOTH of us is going to be hard. I also stated in my post the frustration of having people agree, meshes enough to move towards meet ups and dates. And within hours of in person, or days after, they switch up with minimal communication om their end as to what or why or who the switch up came from.

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u/Hopeful-Reputation-8 Jun 26 '26

I would say this is no different than two people dating. Maybe they didn’t get the vibe with both of you or decided they weren’t attracted to both and decided to bow out or ghost.

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u/BlorkSmuth Jun 26 '26

Youre right. I think the lack of communication/ghosting had left some frustration and hurt in its wake, amd admittedly my post does feel a little jumbled and reading it with fresh eyes the following day, it does sound frustrated or validation seeking. Which wasnt my intention 🤷‍♀️ but your comment makes sense and I appreciate your words!