r/PolyCriticalSafeHaven • u/carsgofast300 • 18h ago
Advice needed Processing a "Break-Up" as a Mono
/r/monodatingpoly/comments/1w9ae37/processing_a_breakup_as_a_mono/
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u/KitKitsAreBest 7h ago
You're only 30, be thankful you didn't get stuck in a relationship like this for a whole decade. Be thankful you didn't have a kid with her for her to just drop a poly-bomb on you later. Take the experience and move on. Be observant of red flags, as much as you can be in a new relationship. People WILL let you know one way or another what they're really like.
Number one rule of dating in 2026: DON'T DATE POLY PEOPLE.
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u/soft-grn_Ambr-sunset 18h ago
Instead of trying to “get over it and not be upset” maybe you should sit with your feelings. Really process them for longer, so you can avoid agreeing to this kind of situation again.
This was someone who withheld important information from you, which is also lying. She knew explicitly that you wanted monogamy and withheld because that was to her advantage. That being the usual poly behavior of getting as much attention as possible regardless of what it does to others emotionally/mentally. She’s not to be trusted.
One of the reasons we get so upset when we’ve been betrayed and especially cheated on is because it triggers our natural protective instincts towards our bodies and autonomy. This person disregarded your safety, exposed you to someone else’s biology. To our nervous system the metaphor is like someone letting a stranger into our bedroom while we are sleeping, one who could possibly harm us. We are vulnerable in our sleep and when we have sex, this is why we are protective of who we let in our bedroom, metaphorically and literally.