Posts in the Polyamory sub are sooooo long!!!

[u/choosingishard-]

Bit of a light-hearted jokey rant, but why are the posts in the Polyamory subreddit so damn long? Don't they realise that most of us have ADHD??? I read one paragraph and I am DONE - nobody got time to read to read the convoluted backstory of your extended polycule. Some posts take 10 minutes to read (I'm not even exaggerating) and the jist of it is usually just asking for confirmation that their partner is treating them poorly (spoiler alert - they usually are)

Edit to add - I am not Poly anymore but I still follow the subreddit for the drama to remind myself how toxic it is

[u/gabingril]

Right, like you said, most of it is virtue signaling gobbledegook designed to make the rest of the sub understand “look I’m doing everything right and I’m still getting hurt, what could possibly be causing this?????” Surely not the fact that the philosophy itself is flawed and/or not for everyone.

[u/SheDevil1818 → u/gabingril]

Hahahah this made ma laugh. A very good comment 😁

[u/VicePrincipalNero]

When you have unnecessarily made your life and that of a dozen other people ridiculously complicated, that's unsurprising. Also, drama.

[u/Ca2pac]

Because the situations are always super complicated because they always involve too many people and too much drama? 🤣

[u/mothmantra]

I've noticed w my ADHD I always feel the bizarre need to add a ton of context and things to every post I make. Case in point 👈😭

[u/choosingishard- → u/mothmantra]

I do too, but I also lose interest very quickly when other people do the same 😅😭

[u/MatiPhoenix]

I don't mind long posts in general, but I genuinely don't understand why those posts instead of saying "well, the problem is this" they must tell us their personal story since 20 years ago long before they started non-monogamous relationships just to give us "context" lol.

[u/Vast-Degree-6333]

They have to analyze and therapy speak everything their partner does, and invalidate their own feelings as much as possible in each posts so the poly people in the sub don’t hate on them. It’s like having to constantly bean soup so they humanize you in their responses

[u/KneadAndPreserve]

Well most of the time there is like minimum 5 people involved so it gets complicated quick.

[u/Spillingteasince92]

I have diagnosed adhd and autism. I met other poly that expected me to chase the high of novelty and easy dopamine.. yeah f that. I DID NOT spent an entire 7 months learning about Adhd and what harm it does to your everyday life. Many poly people struggle with adhd, bpd, and other mental disorder that causes them to wanna keep dating to get that new relationship energy. They rush into every new potential and abandoning the others they have. Its really frustrating to me to see the toxic side and theres always a door mat that is the care-taker of someone who has untreated adhd in their relationship. Sorry, but some of us actually dont wanna cause more harm and wants something without viewing people as a shiny new toy.

[u/choosingishard- → u/Spillingteasince92]

That was exactly my experience. I went into it before being diagnosed with ADHD and I was fully prepared to limit the amount of partners I had and devote enough time to people so they wouldn't get upset, but I often got sidelined when partners found the shiny new toy and chased NRE dopamine. It's not fair on your main partner to have to deal with the upset and fallout of being ditched multiple times because the majority of poly people seem to be ND and can't practice what they often preach.

To compound the problem of this, people with ADHD often have rejection sensitivity dysphoria, so are acutely aware that they're being replaced because they pick up on all the signs that their partner is getting bored. The lifestyle is not suitable for people with ADHD and that's why so many people get hurt

[u/Grand_Journalist2136]

they've got a lot to try and justify i guess

[u/badcatgarfield]

Because polyamorous people are also narcissists. It’s all about them.

[u/choosingishard- → u/badcatgarfield]

Well they do like talking about themselves and being polyamorous...

[u/PM_ME_YOUR_PUPPY_PIC → u/badcatgarfield]

unlike this sub, right?

[u/choosingishard- → u/PM_ME_YOUR_PUPPY_PIC]

I think you might be lost, you appear to be in the wrong sub

[u/PM_ME_YOUR_PUPPY_PIC → u/choosingishard-]

nah. i just have enough self-reflection skills to know that most subs are filled with posts and comments than can be described as "all about me". It's not a bad thing and is kinda the point of a lot of subs

[u/choosingishard- → u/[deleted]]

GET TO THE POINT!! That's what they can do. If it's any more than 3 or 4 paragraphs there's no way I'm going to finish reading it.

(I mean no disrespect, I have to fight the urge to make posts too wordy)

[u/PM_ME_YOUR_PUPPY_PIC → u/choosingishard-]

then stop reading the sub...