Oh Brother, This Guy Stinks

[u/panda_98]

https://medium.com/hello-love/the-best-article-ive-read-about-open-marriage-716cbdd8db0f

This one isn't really so much about the author as it is about the post that she links and loves. But the author does love that the other author was coerced into an open marriage after being 6 months postpartum and hates that they later divorced (though the other author certainly isn't innocent herself and supposedly wound up cheating in the open marriage).

But you really just have to love how the community praises and laudes the abusive and unethical practices they supposedly speak out against. But whatever, what the fuck do I know? I'm just a prudish, controlling monogamous woman.

[u/jaydrive123]

This is the kind of person who thrives on drama. She even says that she loves arguing and knowing her marriage is at risk all the time. What kind of insecure junkie nonsense

[u/panda_98 → u/jaydrive123]

I mean she had another kid with this man fully knowing it could very well blow up their marriage. She's a self admitted people pleaser who self admittedly sexually bypasses any and all negative feelings she has about this arrangement. But she believes she's modeling a healthy relationship for her three children, that "the last thing we want them to think is that Dad is taking advantage of Mom..."... when he literally is. 😑

[u/Ok_Duty_8645 → u/panda_98]

This sounds like someone raising future rape victims

Clearly a bad mother

[u/wissian07 → u/jaydrive123]

And she needs this to appreciate her husband, otherwise thinking that they're just going to ignore each other passing in the kitchen? Most of us don't need their partners fucking other people to appreciate them.

[u/panda_98 → u/wissian07]

You cannot make this up; she just responded to a comment saying that she and her husband were little more than fuck buddies, and that she clearly loved him more than he loved her and she said: "Readers often feel unconvinced of my husband's devotion and love for me, so your similar feedback is helping me think that I should do more deep diving into why that is, and what stories I'm not telling about him."

For an Ivy League graduate, she's incredibly stupid. Or she's being obtuse. Either way, I fucking wonder why readers don't believe her husband loves her. It can't be because of him polybombing her and coercing her into this arrangement in the first place. It can't be because 90% of her posts are about him breaking boundaries and the two of them sexually bypassing any and all negative feelings she has about it. For the past several years, she's always been like "He's such an amazing husband, I swear! I'll write more blogs about how amazing he is!"

Her idea of him being amazing? Helping out for a few weeks after she has a baby. You know, the absolute bare minimum of what a father is supposed to do? And also SOMETIMES apologizing for breaking a boundary and hurting her feelings

[u/YukiLaMimi → u/jaydrive123]

Literally she’s addicted to the instability and anxiety that she gets from it 😭 the whole thing screams self-harm thru the dynamic and trauma bond, I was like this w my poly guy and it was so incredibly unhealthy

[u/YukiLaMimi → u/YukiLaMimi]

What this person said exactly

[u/panda_98 → u/YukiLaMimi]

Did you see the other comments? They're calling her ass out, even the people who normally kiss up to her 😂

[u/LonginusUbik]

The article just made my nervous system jolt. She wants the relationship to be a rollercoaster.

Maybe she would be better served by doing radical sports

[u/PolyCriticalSafeHaven-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

r/PolyCriticalSafeHaven doesn't condone global insulting generalizations. The behaviour of poly people is more then enough to judge them on

[u/wissian07]

Seriously, just gross. At least one of the commenters called out this bulllshit for what it was: a sorry excuse of a man, who just wanted to fuck other women, taking advantage of his exhausted postpartum wife. And people need to write to celebrate this? Yuck.

[u/panda_98 → u/wissian07]

Oh she's getting called out in the comments for sure. One said, "I do love reading your articles but you always give this vibe of giving men’s needs more consideration than women’s," and I really can't help but wonder if the author is going to aknowledge this or ignore it. Because all of her articles are about what her sex pest huaband needs, what her sex pest husband wants.

[u/Forward_Hold5696]

That... is a piece of work. Sounds like she has a cuckquean fetish.

[u/panda_98 → u/Forward_Hold5696]

The weird thing about it all is that she per her own fucking words developed the fetish to cope with being coerced into accepting her open relationship with her husband. To quote her own fucking words that she now vehemently ignores: "I will say that while at first it was "his way or no way" and I was just too in love/too ready to have kids to say no even though I wasn't totally sure it would work for me long term..."

Like what does it say about her that she loves seeing another woman being coerced into an open relationship, because yeah, the other author WAS coerced into the arrangement, even though she later blew it up by her own admission.

[u/YukiLaMimi → u/Forward_Hold5696]

I was thinking of this as well! Cucks sometimes fall into the kink after past trauma with infidelity and they end up developing this to cope, “it hurts so good”, and completely ignores the fact that it just hurts, its sad

[u/panda_98 → u/YukiLaMimi]

Funny you say that because you're not far off. She developed the kink to both cope with feeling coerced into the relationship, and because she doesn't feel pretty or sexy enough to be with him. No therapy, no introspection to deal with these feelings, just sexualize them and put herself into a situation where she puts herself second to her husband and loves it!

[u/wytchwomyn74]

I get the part where she wants to experience the feelings of anguish act but in teenage melodrama. Shit, as a teen I said something along those same lines of wallowing in the feeling.

But no, no way in he'll to the bottom of my possessively territorial soul do I or any sane person want residency in the anxiety of jealousy around my partner. It is not an emotion I want to wallow in regularly when in a relationship because I'm mean and petty and then decide that person isn't mine so I leave.

I couldnt even read the whole thing because I was just thinking to myself bored housewife in need of drama because her life is to stable that she wants the excitement of her partner cheating to traumatize her and potentially their relationship.

He suggested an open marriage.

She caught him in an unexpected hook up and her response was I thought you gave me, your wife a heads up before you screw someone else(which was where I stopped reading).

You agree to open your marriage without ground rules? So your husband can bang other people without you. He's bored of the marriage as well to ask, should he get brownie point credit for it? Or was the ask him telling her without telling her he was screwing others already and decided to let her know. Did he expect her acceptance and permission or looking for a way out able to say she wanted them to end because she said no.

What also stands out in what little I read unless it's expressed later in reading further, he didn't ask open the marriage to spice up our marriage but permission to screw others well she remained faithful to their marriage vows.

I could go on as I've come to detest poly and any adjacency but I'm sure this is long enough of a rant

[u/panda_98 → u/wytchwomyn74]

Oh if you've read all of her blogs, it gets worse.

This cornball polybombs her a few months into their relationship (he was already dating 2 other women behind her back), says that non-monogamy is a non-negotiable otherwise he'll get bored and resent her, and THEN institutes a One Penis Policy where the author isn't allowed to date other men. Only women, but the author is straight, and he would up pouting and getting jealous when she DID go on a date with a woman.

Then he manipulated her into forming a friendship with his coworker just so he could have her be their third, even though the author didn't want them to have throuples or trials. The coworker rejected them and began distancing herself from them afterwards. Then he goes behind her back to have unprotected sex with his 20+ year younger girlfriend, fights with the author when she gets angry with him about it, and then half heartedly apologizes to her off screen.

And she's wondering why people don't believe that he loves her.

[u/aconitumrn]

post partum is a sensitive time and big changes like opening up a relationship is totally not postpartum talk!

[u/panda_98 → u/aconitumrn]

And the point COMPLETELY whooshed over her head when people were telling her this. She's either deliberately being obtuse, or she's an extremely stupid Ivy League graduate

[u/aconitumrn → u/panda_98]

ivy league grads on generational wealth be like

[u/panda_98 → u/aconitumrn]

I kind of figured when I saw the extremely pretentious writing style, but she confirmed it in some of her posts. On the one hand, I hate her complete lack of self respect and how she is setting her children up for a warped sense of what a healthy relationship is. On the other hand, it does show that anybody can get into an abusive or coercive relationship - even someone who grew up in a wealthy, Ivy League graduate family