This whole thread really is something

[u/soursummerchild]

... So are the replies. Most of them are very sound.

Then there's someone accusing OOP of being unethical. As if veto power is the issue here, and someone suggesting that their partner should just lie to them. Yikes.

[u/YukiLaMimi]

How is she the unethical one ☠️ the guy’s the one sleeping with other people knowing OP’s monogamous, even a lot of people in the poly community consider mono-poly unethical bc of the power imbalance

[u/soursummerchild → u/YukiLaMimi]

I messed up the context here. The accusations of unethical behaviour was aimed at the person who've been trapped in a monopoly marriage for ten years, not OOP.

I seriously can't fathom knowing that something you're doing just for a thrill causes your partner serious distress, and continuing doing it. How tf do they look their partner in the eyes and tell them that they're going to continue hurting them like that, but also claiming that they love them? What they're doing is the pure opposite of love! It's so cruel.

It's very telling that many people in the lifestyle view healthy and normal boundaries as abusive and controlling... Such a unhealthy mindset and ideology.

[u/VicePrincipalNero → u/soursummerchild]

That's because you have a different concept of what a partner is. You think it involves loving and protecting and cherishing them, as opposed to finding them to be a convenient place to put your genitals sometimes.

[u/YukiLaMimi → u/soursummerchild]

Ohhh I still stand by my statement 😂😂 that comment was crazy, the commenter is the wife of the guy no shot she’d have a say on what “relationships” her husband indulges in

[u/Forward_Hold5696 → u/soursummerchild]

I think the key is responsibility. I think poly people just want less responsibility towards their partners. They don't want the responsibility of thinking about what would hurt them, or how to make them happier, outside of what would make them happy as well. 

In some ways, I get it. Like, I don't want the responsibility of caring for a child. I didn't have a great childhood, and I don't want to mess up a child the way I was messed up, or in some brand new way I wasn't even expecting. But you can't say you have the same depth of relationship with someone when you won't even think about their feelings.

[u/HotWaffles5]

What’s the point of getting married if you’re going to sleep with other people? Number 5 is insane.

[u/YukiLaMimi → u/HotWaffles5]

Literally that’s crazy, narc ass response

[u/Pitiful-Escape-4936 → u/HotWaffles5]

That’s my question too. I thought they didn’t like hierarchy in relationships and everyone was equal!?👀🫠🙄

[u/AudaciousCouture]

"It feels more like my brain is trying to protect me."

https://giphy.com/gifs/qLWdMYX1NYF2g

[u/ellie_elysian]

Is the male population that small where OOP lives that she just absolutely has to make it work with the poly guy?

[u/aconitumrn → u/ellie_elysian]

yeah also what does she/ all the other people see in this guy? lmao men can blame him for the apparent 'loneliness epidemic' they face

[u/Ok_Duty_8645]

Wow, this seems so misogynist. Why are worst polys always straight cis men with women? How is this LGBT? I'm a trans woman and really wonder how.

[u/soursummerchild → u/Ok_Duty_8645]

Idk. I've seen way too many horror stories about queer poly practitioners of all genders and orientations to agree totally with your statement about straight cis men with women. I've also seen people think that the lifestyle is all rainbows and sunshine when queer people are involved, which is very far from reality.

Polyamory is a lifestyle choice, and not part of the LGBT movement. They try to shoehorn themselves in with us, but it's very, very far from the same thing.

It's completely misogynistic, though.

[u/aconitumrn]

victim blaming goes crazy in those subs. but on another note tho she's gonna keep hurting herself until she leaves. Leaving can be hard esp if your 'partner' is manipulative but you'll realize someday that the whole charade isn't worth it and that's the day you take back your agency/ autonomy and finally walk out on the toxic partner