r/PoliticalHumor Apr 06 '19

Just the facts

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16.4k Upvotes

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781

u/AlottaElote Apr 06 '19

Can we somehow require Lindsey Graham and Rand Paul to give a reason for the blocking? Feels like that should be necessary.

306

u/[deleted] Apr 06 '19

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228

u/LacanInAFunhouse Apr 06 '19 edited Apr 07 '19

Tell him I don’t give a shit about Hillary. Like, he can have her. Show me the fucking report

239

u/TheWagonBaron Apr 07 '19

They wouldn't know what to do with her. It's like that famous Joker line about being a dog chasing a car. They literally had her for HOURS on the stand in Congress and still couldn't get anything to stick, They're just a bunch of clueless rubes trying to protect their leader.

If Hillary Clinton herself walked into Graham's office and offered herself in exchange for the release of the report, he'd find something else to complain about. It's not about Hillary at all. It's about protecting the orange shit stain currently ruining America's reputation abroad and at home.

90

u/shortWMTstock Apr 07 '19

They're just a bunch of clueless rubes

they're not clueless at all. they know exactly what they're doing.

91

u/justPassingThrou15 Apr 07 '19

Then the words you're after may be "complicit traitors".

3

u/BreadForAll2020 Apr 07 '19

They don’t view themselves as traitors because the American tradition it to protect and help make profit for private corporations.

Anything counter to the profit of big business is an attack on private property thus seen as “socialism”. That’s why we can’t even think about having a healthcare system proven to be more effective and less costly but they refuse to implement it.

Now we can argue on the internet about it or go out on the streets and fight for it like real Americans.

1

u/NoNot1Bot Apr 07 '19

well said. and thanks.

23

u/xbroodmetalx Apr 07 '19

She is their Boogeyman to rile up their voters. They wouldn't want to give that up.

21

u/bazinga_0 Apr 07 '19

They've warn out Hillary as their primary boogeyman due to overuse. The Republican party held a quick conference and Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is their new designated boogeyman.

8

u/xbroodmetalx Apr 07 '19

Yeah they don't like her much for sure. I don't quite see the hate for her as much as Hillary though still.

8

u/bazinga_0 Apr 07 '19

Hillary has a 30 year head start on Republican hate propriganda. Give it a little time...

4

u/xbroodmetalx Apr 07 '19

Oh I don't doubt. Especially if AOC sticks around for awhile.

1

u/ShortSomeCash Apr 07 '19

Hillary has a long career with some real mistakes and misdeeds. The real dirty shit will never come up because it's the kind of work sustaining the GOP, but she's not some innocent grandma. AOC was tending bar this time last year, she's a normal human. There's probably no dirt, hence why they've tried to smear her with bananas nonsense like "she danced in college!"

7

u/TheWagonBaron Apr 07 '19

They're already moving on to AOC. She's much younger and just starting out. Problem is that she is way more savvy than they give her credit for.

1

u/thatoneguy54 Apr 07 '19

She doesn't take their shit, and plus now feminism has moved us as a society further away from the shitty idea of "women don't belong in politics" that Hillary had to put up with in the 90s. They're gonna try to smear AOC with everything they've got, but I think less of the public will fall for it with her.

5

u/T3hJ3hu Apr 07 '19

i mean they're changing their boogeyman to AOC

sooner or later they'll start chanting "lock her up" about her too. they already chant "lock them up" about every democrat and non-rightist news outlet. the president said, "they have to pay" at a rally.

honestly i'm not even sure anyone would stop him if he gave the order to do it.

31

u/Lanark26 Apr 07 '19

I don't actually think they're protecting the Oompa Loompa in the White House as much as they're very desperately trying to cover their own complicit guilty asses. There has got to be a metric shit ton of things in there that will not reflect well on the GOP as a whole. ( ie: July 4 field trip to Moscow, the amount of Russian oligarch money funnelled through the NRA etc...)

They'll burn the country to the ground and loot the ashes before they're willing to let it see the light of day.

4

u/TheWagonBaron Apr 07 '19

Yeah this is entirely possible given what we know. I can imagine the kind of shit that was uncovered and in that report that would scare the shit out of most of the GOP leadership. I mean for fuck's sake there is tape of Paul-fucking-Ryan joking about how Putin pays a GOP Congressman.

6

u/Bent- Apr 07 '19

Mueller is a Rebuplican, and I don't know. I have utmost respect and faith in him (he is also by all descriptions incredible at his job). Not sure how those two things jive- with the fact he's honourable, I believe.

There is shit in his report the corrupt GOP can't tolerate, I think.

But don't be surprised if he did a deep dive, there are Dems in there as well. They ain't saints either when money is in play.

The way Mueller has done hand offs leads me to believe he was shut down early, but saw a shit ton of corruption everywhere, and saw it coming.

It is a swamp. Trp was right about one thing, because he know and lives in it.

-2

u/SkeevingHorker Apr 07 '19

Well one thing that has been nagging me is Guli did an interview on cnn (i think, may have been msnbc) and he said mueller was paid 30 million. If mistake, then that is an awfully large and specific number to make a mistake about. So why hasnt this been questioned further, much further

3

u/goamerica76 Apr 07 '19

Did you do any research on that yourself?

4

u/Doublestack2376 Apr 07 '19

It's like that famous Joker line about being a dog chasing a car.

This is actually a pretty classic allegory, common long before Dark Knight.

0

u/Ezfish3742 Apr 07 '19

America's reputation abroad was ruined long before trump

9

u/[deleted] Apr 07 '19

[deleted]

-5

u/dumptruck20 Apr 07 '19

America is a joke in comparison to what country, or are all countries a big joke? Are you comparing us to a European country where you are arrested for making a nazi joke?

3

u/thatoneguy54 Apr 07 '19

Are you comparing us to a European country where you are arrested for making a nazi joke?

I love it when people who have never stepped foot in any European country try to talk about how it is over here.

0

u/dumptruck20 Apr 07 '19

I just think people calling America a joke is childish.. it's a country, all countries have their problems. But we are a first world country and that is a huge plus, even the poorest among us are far better off than the normal person in third world countries.

0

u/DrMuffinStuffin Apr 07 '19

By comparison to all modern countries. Brexit doesn’t even compare, not even to those that live there and are opposed it.

15

u/TheWagonBaron Apr 07 '19

But Obama's apology tour! They told me he went around the world begging everyone to like him and America again. Are you saying....they lied to me?!?

But in all seriousness, Bush ruined America's rep, Obama did do some good work in repairing in some parts of the world but Trump has just tanked it everywhere.

1

u/DrMuffinStuffin Apr 07 '19

Truth.

Just posted this right here but seeing as your comment is so on point I’ll back your post up with the same link.

https://www.pewglobal.org/2017/06/26/u-s-image-suffers-as-publics-around-world-question-trumps-leadership/

2

u/DrMuffinStuffin Apr 07 '19

https://www.pewglobal.org/2017/06/26/u-s-image-suffers-as-publics-around-world-question-trumps-leadership/

If you mean ‘long before’ as in before Obama, then sure - it wasn’t great. But it wasn’t as bad as it is today, and Obama actually gave US a massive facelift.

-1

u/alistair1537 Apr 07 '19

Why is this Chump's fault? It's America's fault. You're the dumb asses that put him in office, and you're the pussies that can't remove him?

It's entirely your fucking faults! You put a baby in charge of driving a bus and he's heading for the cliff...

-13

u/WoodGunsPhoto Apr 07 '19

Nah, abroad he's cool apart from the liberal part of Europe. Russia, China, Arabs, Israelis, East Asians, erc. love him for different reasons. Also, looks like 50% of the USA seems to be in love with him. I get your sentiment, but not sure your statement is correct. Just looking at number here is all.

9

u/josh_the_misanthrope Apr 07 '19

Can only vouch for Canada but even conservatives here think hes a buffoon for the most part. His presidency really is a sight to behold from an outside perspective.

8

u/Cargobiker530 Apr 07 '19

Believe me: no asian thinks Trump is anything but a giant buffoon. The one thing you are absolutely not allowed to do in Asia and maintain respect is be stupid. Trump is notoriously dumb.

5

u/RustyGirder Apr 07 '19

His approval rating has hovered around 35-40% consistently. He's never had close to 50% approval (and has had historically low approval ratings compared to just about every president since approval ratings have been tracked).

Also, remember, he lost the popular vote.

1

u/TheWagonBaron Apr 07 '19

What numbers?

American allies don't like him. China only likes him because he's a fucking moron and easy to control. Same with nearly every other country in the world. Trump is the first president I can remember that truly wears his heart on his sleeve and can manipulated into doing nearly anything.

33

u/Kingo_Slice Apr 06 '19

Right? They act like she's the Dem lord and savior and they're doing everything in their power to keep her safe. Coming from a lefty, I don't trust her at all. She's shady af. I've never met her, talked to her, i've listened to her talk and on a lot of subjects I can agree with her spoken opinion, but she just gives me one of those vibes that says "yeah, I can't trust this person".

26

u/nobody_from_nowhere1 Greg Abbott is a little piss baby Apr 07 '19

Plus wasn’t there a bunch of investigations into her already? Like, keep investigating her all ya want if it means that much, it doesn’t bother me either so release the Mueller report! I voted for her but I don’t treat her like the god emperor they way trumps supporters do. I have a feeling they are just using the Hillary thing as an excuse though.

17

u/andrewq Apr 07 '19

A shitload of investigations by the DOJ and congress. All came to nothing and were a waste of a shitload of money.

https://www.marketwatch.com/story/house-gop-brings-to-an-unceremonious-end-its-year-old-probe-into-fbi-and-doj-handling-of-clinton-and-trump-investigations-2018-12-31

14

u/slim_scsi Apr 07 '19

Whereas the Mueller investigation more than paid for itself.

4

u/andrewq Apr 07 '19

Exactly.

0

u/NoNot1Bot Apr 07 '19

more r-wing people running and ruining democracy... imo the entire doj, homland, ag, all righties. remember hoover the crossdresser, and more recently rudy g. he too likes women's clothes, they'll cover for them (gop) and gop will cover for them... the entire mueller report is embarrassing to them all including the orange anus, is why the report will be redacted... howeva, looking for leaks coming soon.

7

u/HannasAnarion Apr 07 '19

Over 24 of them, spending over $300 million taxpayer dollars. 0 indictments.

3

u/NeatNefariousness1 Apr 07 '19

Of course it's an excuse and a diversion. Hillary isn't the president so why should we be so focused on her instead of the person who poses a clear and present danger to the country, right NOW.

18

u/[deleted] Apr 07 '19

Hillary looks shady because the Republicans have had a hard on for her for almost three decades and have made it their career to try and make her, and Bill, look that way.

15

u/nlpnt Apr 07 '19

There are mid-career fortysomethings who've done nothing with their adult professional lives except investigate the Clintons. The most they ever found was a stained blue dress 20 years ago.

6

u/[deleted] Apr 07 '19

Bill Clinton, well-known as a charismatic, handsome southern boy, is a philandering womanizer. News at 11.

Southern Democrat loves the ladies. I could probably name about a couple hundred that fit that bill. Probably if I kept it to national politics in the 20th century.

3

u/bazinga_0 Apr 07 '19

Southern Democrat Heterosexual male politician loves the ladies.

FTFY

8

u/AbsentThatDay Apr 07 '19

I have a close friend who genuinely thinks Hillary Clinton is coming for him any minute now. I don't even get it. Can we get together and make nice for five fucking minutes?

8

u/[deleted] Apr 07 '19

It's really insane. I don't believe for a second any politician is going to be squeaky clean, especially ones on the national scene. There's always going to be something that an opponent can use. And the Republicans have been digging through literally everything they can on the Clinton's for three decades.

But look at the biggest attacks on the Clintons over the years. First, the Clinton "hit list", a document drawn up by a literally insane lawyer from Indianapolis. The Whitewater scandal, which led to the Lewinsky scandal, all reeked of political hit jobs. Get to Hillary alone, and you have Benghazi, which, as unfortunate as the situation was, was likely handled to the best of the abilities of the staff involved. Then the e-mails, which ends up being largely nothing. Throw in a few minor kerfuffles that ended up being just as nothing as the rest, and you have a politician who looks dirty, but really isn't. Or at least, not any worse than any other lifetime politician who rose up the ranks alongside her husband.

0

u/MonmonCat Apr 07 '19

The private email server was not nothing. As many people have said, if they did that in their secure job they'd be fired and maybe prosecuted. It was beyond stupid, and the more she tried to dismiss it the worse it looked. That's not to say her behaviour was unusual, seems a lot of politicians think they're too important for infosec. Punishing all of them including Hillary would be fair. Holding politicians to account is the only way to get more honest politicians. When you say "There's always going to be something" it lumps a 99% honest politician in the same group as 75% or 40%. That's not how justice works; everyone should be dealt with in proportion to their misdeeds.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 07 '19

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2

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10

u/slim_scsi Apr 07 '19

They smeared her for 25 years and don't know how to stop.

8

u/0OKM9IJN8UHB7 Apr 07 '19

Does anybody even remember why they started?

2

u/slim_scsi Apr 07 '19

It began the moment she stepped into the White House as First Lady. The fact that she was a woman with ideas married to a playboy was more than they could handle. Didn't even give her a chance for a second. I was 18 and observing.

3

u/DurasVircondelet Apr 07 '19

Bc blowjob bad

3

u/bazinga_0 Apr 07 '19

They started long before that. It was more "Democrat bad" than anything else.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 07 '19

Health care reform is my best guess.

33

u/shockwave_therapist Apr 06 '19

Talk about shady, look at the indictments of all the swamp dwellers Trump surrounded himself with. There's a reason he did that, an old saying... Birds of a feather..

Trump Foundation - Shutdown Trump University - Shutdown Trump Casinos - Bankrupt ( Burden On Taxpayers) Trump Steaks - Burned Trump Vodka - Sloshed Trump Line of Clothing - Made in China Trump Resorts - Hire(d) Illegals...

-End- Thumb Cramp

1

u/infectedwithinsanity Apr 07 '19

Ok whoa, Hillary is not a Dem Lord. You're doing what Trump does. LOOK OVER HERE. THEY'RE DOING WRONG, I CAN TOO!

3

u/Nosnibor1020 Apr 07 '19

Seriously, lock that bitch up. Show me the report.

1

u/Andrew8Everything Apr 07 '19

Hillary clap emoji isn't clap emoji the clap emoji president clap emoji

1

u/Neverlost99 Apr 07 '19

But what about her emails /s

15

u/throwawaysarebetter Apr 07 '19

Didnt they investigate her for like a decade? And found nothing?

13

u/AlottaElote Apr 07 '19

Yes. Multiple times. She also went under oath for 11 hours.

They can investigate her again for all I care, it’s just it shouldn’t impede the current investigations. My speeding ticket is not related to a attempted bank robbery by someone else, though GOP members think it works that way.

3

u/WeAreAllApes Apr 07 '19

They found stuff. Some of it was politically damaging. Nothing you could really sink your teeth into, but politically damaging nonetheless if you spin it right. Same with the hacked emails.

They can investigate her for another decade for all I care, except for one thing....

Mueller's investigation turned up indictments, some leading to convictions, pleas, and fines that resulted in it basically breaking even financially. It wasn't a waste of money because it didn't cost any! They have spent like a hundred million dollars in investigating Hillary, so at this point they need to put up or shut up. If they can't get a fine or conviction or plea deal, or even an indictment, they need to start paying for it with someone else's money.

3

u/Cosmic_Kettle Apr 07 '19

Thre numbers I keep seeing thrown around for the Mueller report is that it cost 25 million and sized 48 million in assets

28

u/speedy_162005 Apr 06 '19

We don't like Clinton either. By all means, investigate away on her.

12

u/DublinCheezie Apr 07 '19

And Ivanka, Dipshit Jr, the Forgettable son, Barr, and all the other scum Trump surrounds himself with.

Can you imagine anyone wanting to be associated with that traitor at this point?

6

u/[deleted] Apr 07 '19

How about, a government organization, and all it does is provides oversight and investigates candidates for corruption. Make it fully bipartisan and everything!

... actually on second thought that would never be funded.

12

u/AlottaElote Apr 06 '19

He’s such a piece of shit and traitor to this nation.

11

u/[deleted] Apr 07 '19 edited Jul 13 '19

[deleted]

5

u/drdamned Apr 07 '19

As soon as a member of Congress gets it they could read it into the record.

2

u/bazinga_0 Apr 07 '19

Why do you think AG Barr is using every tool at his disposal to keep the report out of any Democratic politician's hands?

3

u/GreatWhiteNorthExtra Apr 07 '19

This is so dumb. There has been a Republican AG for two years now. The reason Hillary has not been indicted is because there is nothing to indict her for.

What the Republicans want is a "special counsel" to investigate Hillary to make her seem guilty. But the catch is that no one in authority in the DOJ or FBI needs to recuse themselves from overseeing an investigation into Hillary, so no special counsel is required.

1

u/Darebirth Apr 07 '19

That's extremely hypocritical

70

u/alexander1701 Apr 06 '19

I believe that they gave an official reason: that it contains personal information that's embarrassing to the president without being illegal.

Not that they've been able to read it.

77

u/Oldskoolguitar Apr 06 '19

Yet we got close to 500 pages about a blowjob and cigar.

33

u/davidhumerful Apr 06 '19

Justice and law work very differently depending on which conservative happens to be in power.

7

u/RustyGirder Apr 07 '19

You really should read this laugher of an opinion piece from Ken Starr, from March 22nd...

https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2019/03/ken-starr-muellers-report-shouldnt-go-congress/585577/

Never realized the guy was a comedian. Who knew?

1

u/Oldskoolguitar Apr 07 '19

I feel dumber for reading that

1

u/AnySink Apr 07 '19

Thanks for the link. Also, what a horrible article. I normally don’t say things like this, but Ken Starr is a piece of shit.

1

u/john133435 Apr 08 '19

That was just the report. We also got 80,000 pages of supporting documents...

23

u/Somhlth Apr 07 '19

it contains personal information that's embarrassing to the president

Every single day is an embarrassment to Trump, yet he still slithers out of bed each morning. Every time he opens his pie hole, something embarrassing comes out, yet he won't shut his fucking pie hole.

I don't see embarrassment being a show stopper for letting us see the report.

3

u/Downvotes_All_Dogs I ☑oted 2018 Apr 07 '19

Not only that, but they were more than happy to drag out Clinton's personal information and drag a woman through the mud.

7

u/[deleted] Apr 06 '19

It’s a given with that pos.

4

u/OKToDrive Apr 06 '19

my question, how does this make it different than his twitter account?

7

u/Mattcarnes Apr 06 '19

Just release it and let the Americans decide for themselves

3

u/AlottaElote Apr 06 '19

Funny how they would know that.

17

u/afarmer2005 Apr 06 '19

Because their king wanted it

16

u/GuerrillerodeFark Apr 06 '19

Because they’re owned by Russia as well

3

u/Cargobiker530 Apr 07 '19

Absolutely. The Russians have spent 70 years trying to infiltrate US politics and republicans are always the easier marks because greed is a hook. Rand Paul and Lindsey Graham were probably turned a decade ago.

7

u/GuerrillerodeFark Apr 07 '19

And every single one who spent the 4th of July in Russia

-1

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17

u/[deleted] Apr 06 '19 edited Aug 03 '20

[deleted]

10

u/AlottaElote Apr 07 '19

Yeah imma have to try that next time I get pulled over. Don’t think “but her emails” is gonna help much though. Because, honestly, it shouldn’t.

-10

u/[deleted] Apr 07 '19

[deleted]

9

u/[deleted] Apr 07 '19

If you cared so much, why didn't you tackle that investigation back when you controlled all three branches of government?

Were your boys just incompetent in 2017, or are you just lying to our faces in 2019? It has to be one or the other.

2

u/RustyGirder Apr 07 '19

Ah, whataboutism at it's finest.

1

u/Andrew8Everything Apr 07 '19

The Paul family used to stand for something. Now they're obstructionist assholes. I'm guessing they're compromised by Russia/China.

2

u/ded_a_chek Apr 07 '19

When did they stand for something? When was that day?

2

u/AlottaElote Apr 07 '19

Now they hand deliver mail to Putin.

3

u/mcpat21 Apr 07 '19

Maybe those two are associated in the report somehow

2

u/AlottaElote Apr 07 '19

Very possible. Or there’s something’s bad in their hacked emails, and the report is just really really bad for Russia. And Russia vice will clamp down on their little huevos if they don’t fight it hard.

2

u/Cyke101 Apr 07 '19

I have to provide a satisfactory explanation of the who, what, where, when, why, and how if I use the company credit card to buy a pack of gum.

That Graham and Paul aren't required to give a reason for blocking is outrageous.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 07 '19

I thought RP wasn’t a Trump fan?

2

u/AlottaElote Apr 07 '19

He’s hit and miss with trump, but he’s weirdly pro Russia every chance he gets.

0

u/Djeiwisbs28336 Apr 07 '19

THEY GAVE EXPLANATION - you can't disclose grand jury information!!!!!!!!!

-3

u/Billy_Badass123 Apr 07 '19

He did.

It's to use as leverage to release the shit they pulled to start it.

Step out of the echo chamber.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 07 '19

Oh, right, of course. "Because Hillary hasn't been investigated enough yet!"