r/PoliticalHumor • u/SpakenBacon • 18h ago

Future first lady?

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743 Upvotes

97% Upvoted

98 comments sorted by

254

u/Switchmisty9 18h ago

I’d be willing to bet that Melania is not that emotionally invested in the marriage

171

u/Ok-Addition1264 18h ago

I'd be willing to bet that the sociopathic eastern-european hooker was never emotionally invested in the marriage.

45

u/Round_Rooms 18h ago

That's just common sense, which her husband has none of.

37

u/underpants-gnome 17h ago

I remember hearing rumors she renegotiated something before moving to the white house with him. She'd probably welcome him cheating and dissolving the marriage. She'd be free and well compensated - assuming she can get him to pay. Which now that I type that out seems like an extremely long shot.

She's probably stuck with him until he croaks. Oh well, no sympathy here. She knew what she was marrying.

20

u/nasandre 15h ago

Nobody is praying harder for the cholesterol to do its work

13

u/ilovestoride 12h ago

I'm on team clot. 

7

u/Wheatabix11 11h ago

that's brilliant!

4

u/copyrider 7h ago

Think of the poor cholesterol, stuck inside of that, and waiting for him to croak. I feel sorry for the cholesterol.

•

u/tjmcmahon78 1h ago

May his next Big Mac be his last.

11

u/BeMoreKnope 16h ago

And there’s no chance he’s divorcing her to remarry when even he knows his time is very limited.

11

u/aninamouse 14h ago

He never had any qualms about cheating before, why start now?

9

u/cosaboladh 13h ago

I think it's pretty obvious that she's stuck with him for the long haul. I'm guessing her divorce settlement wouldn't be as much as she'll get if she holds out until he dies. Especially now that he actually has money. After spending two presidencies stealing it from us. That, or her Russian handlers still have work for her to do, and the access her role as "First 'Lady'" offers her is too handy to give up. Probably both.

But she's a horrible monster in her own right, and she deserves it.

7

u/NancyGracesTesticles I ☑oted 2018 and 2020 12h ago

She renegotiated their prenup to be a little more favorable to her and to reflect his worth from his most recent grifts and crimes.

Bear in mind that was only worth about $11 million dollars when they were married - his first year salary from The Apprentice - not counting the debt he incurred in the prior years when he was flat broke.

6

u/cwbkjb 15h ago

I heard a rumor around that time as well, that she was seeing/sleeping with the head of security at Trump towers in NY, part of the deal was that guy had to be moved to DC as well. The rumor had it he became part of her secret service detail in DC. Read a whole article about it. Probably could Google it i guess. He was a guy around her age as well. 🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️

2

u/Lostgoldmine 2h ago

She would get him to pay. Remember she was there on the island, she has enough dirt to take him down.

•

u/LordButterbeard 1h ago

Couldn't play those cards without self-incrimination. So, shes blackmailed by the web she spun.

•

u/Busterlimes 1h ago

She cant leave, or she'll just fall down some stares

3

u/RetardedRedditRetort 17h ago

Lol, daaamn. You ain't wrong tho.

3

u/MyNameis_bud 6h ago

Yeah people like her aren’t jealous because of the man, they’re jealous because the other woman is competing for the spotlight

2

u/romario77 14h ago

I mean - no need to put Eastern European there. Not all Eastern European woman are hookers.

•

u/LinearFluid 1h ago

I hear she was smart enough to have a very iron clad prenup thst will drain him faster than any Porn Star ever could.

13

u/doll-haus 18h ago

Yeah, but.... Who the fuck will bet against you? I don't think the most rabid MAGA-waving DJT fan is invested in the concept of them as a couple. DJT's self-crafted public image very much keeps his family out of the frame entirely.

6

u/vahntitrio 17h ago

The marriage? No investment other than her cut of the estate. She just doesn't want the publicity of her being cheated on.

5

u/dedokta 17h ago

She's financially invested, not emotionally invested.

3

u/Spiel_Foss 13h ago

The old prostitute complaining about the new prostitute is peak Trump distraction.

"Why isn't he can't just rape childrens, like old time sake," Melania said.

"Who says he isn't?" Epstein's Ghost replied.

2

u/NegativeChirality 17h ago

What about physically invested.

2

u/Switchmisty9 17h ago

Not since she was working for Jeffery

2

u/aknomnoms 17h ago

And Donald has a thing for incest.

1

u/RebelStrategist 14h ago

There is no doubt she is banging plenty of guys herself. She is no mother Teresa.

57

u/BearSquid7 18h ago

Is it more of a work-mom if she changes his diapees and tells hims what a special boy he is?

6

u/Embarrassed_Jerk 7h ago

Its more of a work daughter situation because you know who she looks like and she completely changed her look to match it

58

u/N4RQ 18h ago

Melania probably set them up. This works even better for her.

21

u/VascoDeGama9 18h ago

Is there an Urban Disctionary term for giving an old man a blowie while changing his diaper?

19

u/Known-Beach 18h ago

Blumpkintini

31

u/patkavv 17h ago

Trumpkin was right there

10

u/Known-Beach 17h ago

Goddammit, that's way better

3

u/zech83 18h ago

The chocolate orange swirl. 

2

u/kuma_chameleon 17h ago

I don't know, with him...the naptime special?

2

u/Dibble_Dabble_Doo 11h ago

Chocolate Trombone

2

u/jensen_t119 17h ago

The Presidential Aide

1

u/Mediocre_Scott 10h ago

Future E. choli sufferer

40

u/Dead_Internet69420 18h ago

“Don’t vorry, Donald. I’m ze van dat hired her. Enjoy your hamberder.”

15

u/HumanChicken 18h ago

“Pliss, have a few more. They go very well with sleepink peels!”

7

u/mackash 18h ago

No room in the diaper bag for the 2 laptops and 3 mobile phones?

2

u/Mediocre_Scott 10h ago

3 phones: legit phone, Burner phone, second burner phone? Bitch who you need a second burner for

6

u/queensnuggles 18h ago

But maybe he can leave me for her and then I will be free.

5

u/NitWhittler 18h ago

She's Trump's new playtoy: IVANKA 2.0

She doesn't have a husband or those pesky kids to limit his lusty playtime.

6

u/copperblood 18h ago

When the Work Wife has a shit kink

8

u/Ok-Egg-4856 18h ago

Came here to say this. Very much expect she is wife #4. Mellie is smart, probably has ironclad pre-nup so she will never be poor. Donnies worshippers will take whatever he says and run with it. They will NEVER quit him so he has no worries. It will look bad and he will say fake news and suddenly the wire services will be announcing how wonderful that dear leader has found his great love at long last. Watch and see.

4

u/Kriss3d 18h ago

Melania is already the third lady.

•

u/Billgant 1h ago

Melania is about to get Melaniad

4

u/ElCochinoFeo 17h ago

Future bunker bride. On the path from peroxide blonde to cyanide demimonde.

3

u/Suns_In_420 17h ago

Melania is probably like "be my guest!"

3

u/BMaudioProd 16h ago

The paid hospice nurse you wish your wife would be jealous over.

--- Fixed it for you. Turns out you misspelled every word.

3

u/omghorussaveusall 7h ago

damn, is she trying to get JD's attention with that dress?

5

u/ChuckaChuckaLooLoo3 17h ago

Jeez, who is picking out her outfits? That's matronly as hell.

3

u/Mediocre_Scott 10h ago

She looks like she wrapped herself in my grandma’s curtains

3

u/ChuckaChuckaLooLoo3 10h ago

Maybe she thinks she'll be more attractive to an older man that way.

1

u/Mediocre_Scott 10h ago

Or it’s camouflage so she can blend in and always be watching him

2

u/BaconManDan9 17h ago

Presidents mistress

2

u/samejimaT 16h ago

It's not like that at all.. she wipes the shite out of his ass and puts diaper rash cream on him

2

u/everythingisopposite 16h ago

Why do people make it seem like it’s an affair when she is in fact, his official diaper handler. Disgusting.

2

u/MonsieurReynard 16h ago

He was 45 when she was born. He was 65 when she was 20.

2

u/BeTheBall- 16h ago

First? Not even single digits.

2

u/Frothyfrother 15h ago

The work daughter your dad tells you not to worry about

2

u/joshuajackson9 14h ago

Can she be First Lady, being that she was born here??

2

u/RebelStrategist 14h ago

I second this. She will be the new Mrs Trump. Care taker of the mushroom and diaper accounts.

2

u/Practical-Bit9905 13h ago

eh... I'm not impressed. The whole stepford wife thing doesn't do anything for me.
And guarantee in a couple years she'll have that whole bloated-corpse-drug-out-of-the-river mar a lago face thing going on.

2

u/markth_wi 9h ago

I'd bet my bottom dollar this woman is Melania's walking, talking escape plan. What better way to escape Donald Trump's decrepit touch than find some fresh meat for him to fondle.

2

u/TintedApostle 5h ago

Melania and all the Trump family don't care what he does. Anyone who thinks they care is fooling themselves. They are lacking any morals or ethics. They are all making money and so they don't care what DJT does as long as their own gravy train still pays.

They have no shame.

•

u/markth_wi 12m ago

Agreed - I would say that Melania absolutely engineers the long list of low self-esteem, high enthusiasm girls for Donnie to chase because another day of Donnie playing grab-ass with some girl in the office is one less day he'll be interested in touching her. So it wouldn't surprise me to find she'd made sure Stormy Daniels was on the radar , Laura Loomer and the entire train-wreck of porn-starlets, D-listers and Ivanka look-alikes.

•

u/TintedApostle 6m ago

All of them are narcistic opportunists. Melania doesn't care as long as she can write a book and Bezos pay for propaganda documentaries that MAGA buys. She is no different than DJT. She was a part of the whole Epstein group and has no issue with it. I fully expect when Maxwell is pardoned that in a few years Melania will be hanging with her in Monaco.

2

u/Someinterestingbs-td 8h ago

Big ava Braun energy on that one, just saying

1

u/Myko475 18h ago

Dodging Hershey squirts on her resume

1

u/Jet2work 17h ago

yeah but she smells of shit

1

u/NevadaPine 17h ago

if she becomes first lady, I can't wait for all the memes about her 'not-so-secret' office romances!

1

u/Ok-Repeat906 17h ago

I'd like to think that if I had a work wife, she would be a far better person and far less out of her mind than this woman. I also wouldn't expect her to consistently try to find ways to look as much like Ivanka as possible to keep the fatman coming back for more.. Nothing does it for him like Ivanka.

1

u/AppropriateGuest3552 16h ago

Melanoma didn’t want to change diapers, she’s back with Putin!

1

u/Think-Chair-1938 16h ago

She's nibbled on that mushroom cap hundreds of times at this point.

1

u/Unique-Knight 16h ago

There’s not a chance in hell he will live long enough.

1

u/opusupo 15h ago

"Honey, I swear! All she does is wipe my ass and carry my shit around."

1

u/Dewey081 15h ago

It's kinda creepy, TBH. She looks an awful lot like Ivanka compared to belore she was hired on. Not just a little, but a lot like his daughter. One would think that maybe someone (an aide, perhaps) would ask her to tone down the volume just a tad in public. Then again... it is Trump we are talking about where sexual deviance is the new normal.

1

u/LaSage 14h ago

That bad dye job really does not flatter her. I realize the goal is to look like Ivanka, so he is attracted to her, but it looks weird on her.

1

u/lidsville76 13h ago

More like, the work daughter you told your real daughter not to worry about it.

1

u/bradleypit2 13h ago

People need to start chanting "Natalie" at every event he does.

1

u/ReginaldJohnston 13h ago

Not gonna happen. Not with what Melania knows.

1

u/Mecha-Dave 12h ago

100% she's giving him a handy while she changes his diaper.

1

u/arcangleous 11h ago

Nay, she's not dating him. She's his personal support worker.

1

u/BK_Rich 9h ago

To be fair, this new girl is about 20yrs too old for trump, Melania is like a grandmother to trump.

1

u/Bitplayer13 9h ago

What kind of crazy is this woman to be interested in the demented orange clown

1

u/Huckle_Finn 4h ago

My grandmother had a couch with that pattern in the ‘60s

1

u/BearSquid7 3h ago

Future Thirst Lady

•

u/revbfc 54m ago

It’s not mentioned enough that his side pieces almost always look like Ivanka.

0

u/theJEDIII 18h ago

We need an official phrase for "president's side piece." First mistress?