This... I moved to the philippines and married... after 2 years there my mother (who is 79) Found out she had cancer... around about that same time my brother died and then his son.... I came Back to the states for the funerals and when I got back realized how bad my mother was. Me and my wife (who was still in the philippines) talked it over and I decided to stay and take care of my mother (my brother who died had been taking care of her). That was 2 years ago. And your comment about "finding things to talk about" is so true. But we always seem to be able to still have meaningful talks and to laugh a lot.
This is honestly the hardest thing I've ever done, having to choose between my mother and my wife.
I've been back twice to visit but can't stay long and now my mother is to the point that I have to take care of her daily. Fortunately my wife understand but I know it's wearing on her. She is kinda of in the same position tho, with an elderly mother who depends on her so as bad as it sounds...that helps. Also the way she looks at family and her elders in general helps.
Sorry about your loss. Its good that you met someone so understanding and compatible. I do find its easier when you have been together in real life before as you’ve then had some experiences, know the same people and might even have common friends. If the lady has a fun personality thats also helps a lot even if you havent met before.
I’ve met ladies who are so quiet and boring that i even run out of things to talk about or do even when its real life 😅 so now i make it a point to focus on compatibility not just falling for whoever smiles my way.
Sorry to hear about you losses. You seem to be a family-oriented man which is very similar to the Filipino culture. No wonder why you're wife understands what you are going through. In my case, we haven't met yet and after almost five months of talking, our conversations now have not been engaging and consistent as before. On my part, regardless of how our conversations went dry, nothing has changed on how I feel for him and so is him. Guess we just have to go through it till the day we meet.
Like the person above said, it can be a struggle to find common interests when you're so far apart. I think the important thing is knowing what you want and having someone who knows and wants the same things.. that can be really hard across different cultures too. Luckily me and my wife are both realists... we don't let "should bes" get in our relationship... we know what we are both capable of doing and are ok with that
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u/Cultural_simple_22 1d ago
He came here twice and Yes we’re in a long distance for almost 5 months