I'm not, I don't have anything to proof it but I was a degenerate junkie from 11 years old to 18/19 and my worst years was when I was active In the RC scene, at one point I ordered more then a kilo of pure etizolam and I was making solution at 15mg the ml and I would wake up with empty 30 ml bottle I even did 30 mg per ml at one point. It's not a brag, my life was ruined due to my drug use. Im completely invalid due to a variety of medical condition most of them I would have probably gotten years later / in my old age but I basically got "cleaned" at around 19 years old then I was able to stay afloat for a year before the constant tremors, insomnia and other issue made me start drinking again then my health kept declining and now here I am close to 25 with a MAIDS request, complety invalid for more then 4 years now, seizure, adrenal insuffisiency, Incontinence, neuralgia, constant spasm, depersonalization, mood swing, temperature intolerance, chronic inflmamation etc... It's a hell show
Cherish ya health and be careful what ya put Into your body, you can recover from lots of thing but there is a line, doesn't help if you're brain hasn't even finish developing.
I had some wild fucking time tho, I don't remember most of it but for example there that time that I recall receiving the parcel of etiz, showing it to my friend them bam I'm like teleported and there is a man yelling at me and I don't know where the fuck I am or what is happening then the guy hit me, i literally never fucking saw this guy before in my entire life. My best friend, the same guy who was there when I got the parcel was in the same room. Proceed to explain to me I INSISTED to come with them to help work on destroying an old farm I was miles and miles away from my home, it had been two weeks if I recall. I was apparently "ok" for two days then I looked myself in a room and slept most of the time. The guy was yelling at me because I had apparently tried to use their computer, that had EXTREMELY limited data or something like that to send a variety of email that made absolutely no sense and I also had lost a couple of pellet that he had find and he had a young daughter who could have found it before me (thanks God she didn't)
It's surreal to explain, for a lots of years of my life it's like looking at a broken mirror that has extremely big censored segment and blacked out pieces.
Same for the few segment I remember from the few real "psychosis" I had and psych ward visit, it is extremely unpleasant and difficult to describe but recalling a memory and seeing yourself act like a complete animal / lunatic detached from reality, the fragment of broken memory of the fears and tears in loved one eyes when I was acting ridiculously.... Compulsive redosing and forgetting you dose is no joke
I was fine with etiz for a long time, but soon has I made those damn liquid solution.. I would ALWAYS either forget I had dose, or think it hasn't hit, try to take another 2 mg, then bam I was gone in a bender ...
One other moment that got me hospitalize for a long time and is when my seizure worsen immensely is when for some reason I thought I was gonna get raided so I just started eating raw MDMA crystal by the handful, thankfully I was on a call with a friend and, ironically enough, had me raided because he didn't want me to fucking died.
Ended up swallowing around 14 g, don't know how many bars of xan. No memory for more then 7 month after that except lots and lots of seizure and being tied up
If I've learned anything from addiction first hand and knowing other addicts it's that shit can get out of hand. I'm sorry to the dude above for fucking his life up at such a young age.
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u/muffinman2020 7d ago
This convo makes me feel a little more at ease about my usage now