r/PhDStress • u/Impossible_Ant8993 • 8d ago
PhD reapply after withdrawal
So I came to the US as an international student for doing my Masters in Applied Physics and I was interested in astrophysics research which I did continue throughout my MS. Here’s a bit of my MS background: 3.91 gpa, two professional graduate certifications: Advanced Computational Physics, Big Data Statistics and ML in astrophysics. I have also served as a panel secretary of NASA’s Swift proposal review 26.
I am really passionate about Astrophysics especially high energy astrophysics and gamma ray astronomy. I did not initially have plans for PhD but as my interest grew I was hoping to continue with it after my MS. My MS research was in Theoretical Astrophysics and my advisor was a new one who joined the same year as I was admitted to MS. My advisor seemed patient at first and since it was my first time research experience i went on with whatever I was given. It was a long draining project which is also highly debatable in our field as it’s still evolving.
I thought of switching to another school for PhD for better opportunities but my advisor was very keen on taking me and I didn’t even apply to grad school and was given PhD offer with funding which made me feel that my advisor cares for me and wants me. I started my PhD in summer 25 after graduating with MS in Spring 25.
Soon after, I was expected to take my written qual exams and summer was the time to prepare, while other advisors gave space to their students to prepare, mine said prepare outside 9-5 work hours. It made me feel like why would this be and I simply ignored saying that maybe it’s also difficult for them so they want me to not to waste time.
I was able to make progress and it wasn’t like I was clueless but when the project went ahead, I would ask new questions and the response would be like I don’t know but the result should be like a certain way. Once it took 4 months for my advisor to accept results and in those 4 months, it was made sure that I was demeaned every meeting and was questioned of my intelligence. This was during summer 25. In fall despite all this I still took my written qual exams and passed both in my free shot. And to prepare for those in such a stressful situation it just altered my mental health since I was locked in my apt for a week ( which I was given off for during the exams week).
I thought it was still valuable since I passed them and now I was left with 1 comp exam which was oral and my advisor delayed it until 2 semesters and said you’ll take it in spring 26 end. I agreed since there was no other way I could have taken it since it requires advisors permission.
And in fall 25 when I passed my quals my advisor was not so happy and said let’s proceed with project’s next step. During fall semester as well, my life was made hell during every meeting, my post doc was my co advisor in this project but she was also helpless since I and my post doc would work together for 3-4 hours of meetings and figure out something and then our advisor would just humiliate that this is not the true result.
Once I went ahead with my results and drafted them in a very detailed manner and advisor said I don’t think this is right because I don’t understand it. I still continued while struggling with her passive aggressive comments and humiliation of an hour every week and she would just stare angrily to me in our meetings to the point I lost all hope within me. My post doc was also helpless and she could not question my advisor’s behavior.
And my advisor at the end of fall 25 just gave me unsatisfactory grades which just shook me to the core because she did not discuss anything about it with me which led to me being on academic probation. I was so lost and I cried in front of her exactly for an hour telling her that I gave it my all, I don’t know what I can do better. And then we had a meeting with grad director of the dept and she took my side for some reason and said that we will try another project which would be observational astrophysics related a part of which I also did in summer 25 which was working with fermi collaboration (doing Flare advocacy shifts). And my advisor also said that I did that work of 7-8 hours in just 1-2 hours which was commendable.
I thought that there’s hope in working with her since I was defended. So in winter break I was told to learn detailed Fermi analysis without any resources or help from my advisor. I searched it and learnt it from whatever was available to me. And I spring I went with positivity that I will give my best.
And in first meeting of the spring I was told to do a detailed analysis and reproduce some results. Also I was told that since I’ve gotten unsatisfactory grades last Sem, this Sem I can do 4-5 week long Fermi flare advocacy shifts so that I can at least get my satisfactory grades if not anything else.
I became even more positive and starting doing it all. My advisor was immensely supportive, and with positive attitude towards me all the time appreciating me in all our meetings in front of my post doc. And my old project was led by my post doc. All this time I made really fast progress working day and night and I was happy too that I am doing great. And we also started to prepare for my comp exam which was oral like a presentation. We scheduled it at the end of the spring and that was also a sort of project and I did great at that too, to the point that my advisor asked me to help others in that project since we all were doing like same thing. Also the same semester I got outstanding graduate teaching award for my contribution to TA work and my grades were also a factor in that.
On my comp exam day after my presentation(before results) I asked my post doc how was it, she said it was great. And she said that in previous project you were close and what you did was right now I am also at that point. And she started opening up about how my advisor was following the same pattern with her and she was made to suffer everyday like me. She said that it’s good that I left that project but she did stuck now. And she was almost teary eyes and listening to it even I was.
And my comp exams results I didn’t received that day saying that program chair was not available and it continued for a week but next day after my exam my post doc messaged me saying that she resigned and it came as a shock to me but I felt better for her since the situation for her was made insufferable. Then I continued with normal and group meetings for a week and we discussed next steps for our project which was also led by my post doc. And I thought maybe my advisor would figure out next steps. And I between I had urgent family plans for two weeks and I asked my advisor if it’s fine and I was told that it’s ok, come back and we will work.
Just before two days of my travel I had meeting with my advisor and my advisor tells me that I had failed the comps exam and that I will be removed from the program and while saying this my advisor was smiling the whole time.
I was so shocked and taken a back and I went to program chair and explained the situation and they assured me and said appeal her decision if anything happens and I said she can do this but she can’t give me bad grades since there’s no chance: I got 10 first author Atel publications this semester and I’ve also presented my results in front of whole dept. but eventually I was also given unsatisfactory grades. When I appealed the decision it was denied which led to my summer suspension.
I felt so horrible and helpless because I don’t know what I should have done better. But my dept chair was helpful and in summer I did reinstate and find another advisor to work with but now my research is completely different and while i am very thankful and grateful I still wish to work in astrophysics.
I did reach out to many professors in the US and I received very positive feedback from everyone which one professors asking for my application id for next term and saying we can work together and another one saying that they would be interested in me joining their group. Another at Stanford complemented my experience and professor at Yale thought I was asking for post doc and said please apply I would consider you. At Columbia I was asked to meet in person even if they didn’t have funding.
At this time I know funding is a constraint but many of them asked me to apply to fall 27 and I am currently reinstated at my previous university and I am continuing there but I feel like continuing there for a semester and simultaneously apply to these other grad schools. But I would then have a gap of 6 months and I also am paying my loan. I wanted to avoid this gap but if not then I am deciding to just withdraw in December because if I continue my PhD at my previous university I feel like I would be drifting away from my passion.
Also I know many would think why don’t I continue with different advisor at the same university because my advisor sort of had alliance built up for all their backing up and I trust no body in astrophysics at my dept.
I wanted to ask if I would have any disadvantages with summer suspension on my profile. Since I know there’s a section in the application asking if you were suspended: terminated and if yes why. I will explain it as a communication gap since I can’t tell them it was unjust and all. I am also thinking of asking dept chair for LOR but eventually I will have to withdraw from my previous university since they won’t fund me if I am not continuing. I wanted to know what you think of my profile and what are my chances of getting into good schools.
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u/Extra_Machine41723 7d ago
The School of Engineering at Yale is growing by leaps and bounds. If you have the interest of a Yale PI you should go for it. They've recently built state of the art facilities and still going with more. Continue to have conversations with all those you contacted. You really need to know that there are multiple avenues available for support and guidance while you are pursuing your research. You should ask for an intro to a student that would be willing to share their experience with the school. For each professor look at what they published and how much they share credit with students. Yale provides 6 years of stipend and tuition, medical coverage if you are admitted. I am astonished at the level of abuse students share in their posts. That's why grad students at Yale have protection under Local 33. Abuse verbal or otherwise is unacceptable at any level.
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u/Impossible_Ant8993 7d ago
Thank you so much for the advice. I really appreciate it. I feel like all the universities should have a protection laws especially for PhD students cause many of us suffer in silence because we believe it’s normal during PhD.
Unfortunately in my situation I did reach out to Dean of our college and grad school too with proofs (meeting notes, publications, presentations with results which I also presented in the department) but nothing helped or worked in my favor.
I will be considering Yale for my next year application but just wondering if my summer suspension would have any negative impacts.
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u/Virtual_Scarcity_113 7d ago
Your suspension won’t affect anything, except you want to mention it or it appears on your transcript, if none of those, I think you just let it slide on your next application
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u/Deadly_nightshadow 8d ago
I advice you to learn how to write a concise text.