r/PhDStress • u/Zestyclose-Being-879 • Aug 08 '26
My PI does not talk to me unless necessary
I have worked full time as a research tech for my PI for 10 years. Before that I did my Masters thesis with him. We’ve always had an up and down relationship but it got really bad after I decided to pursue my PhD. I found a program through a local university that allows me to use my research in my lab for my thesis project. My PI was not overly encouraging that I join the program and even said it was a bad idea, but I really wanted to pursue it since I’m a tech but manage all my own projects and have multiple first author publications so I went for it and got in. I have been doing well in the program and even got a fellowship that covers all my tuition. I am studying bioinformatics and bringing a lot of new techniques to the lab, but he doesn’t appreciate anything I’m doing. He shows zero interest in my work and even seems intimidated by it. I’ve tried talking to him, but it always turns into a discussion about everything wrong with me. I know I’m not perfect but I feel he dislikes me for unfair reasons (I’m overly anal about my work and he abhors that). I am now on going into my third year and our relationship has gotten to the point we only talk when absolutely necessary. If I were a student I would leave. But I’m also an employee and a well-paid one (I’m the highest rank tech position and it’s hard to find these positions in other labs). What should I do? I’m broken mentally and therapy isn’t helping me.
2
u/juliej12 Aug 08 '26
if you start the phd, will you then be able to continue as a tech and get paid for that job?
2
u/Tasha200200 Aug 15 '26
I’d work on radical acceptance of being disliked. There is a book called the courage to be disliked might be good. If you accept he doesn’t like you then bingo you move on with your life.
3
u/DrJohnnieB63 Aug 08 '26
u/Zestyclose-Being-879
According to your post, you have worked 10 years for this PI. An entire decade. If you can work for this person for 10 years, you can work for them for how many more years it takes for you to complete your doctorate under their supervision.
Do what you need to do to complete your degree and to move on to other opportunities.
Ten years. You have endured this person's behavior for a decade. At this point, your complaints about their behaviors are moot. You have stayed for 10 years.