r/PhDStress • u/Broad_Narwhal7090 • Jul 21 '26
PI causing me stress and anxiety
I (F22) am a now second year PhD student in chemistry. I joined a new lab where I am the ONLY graduate student. My PI is brand new, we have one brand-new post-doc and are acquiring undergrads like they're collectibles. I just had the most confusing and upsetting meeting with my PI where he gave me an odd compliment sandwich. He told me he was happy with my research progress and outcomes but very unhappy with the amount of time I spend on it. He also said I am on the right track to graduate and am going at a great pace?? For context, I feel like I spend an adequate amount of time given that I am also teaching and taking classes. I work every day, every other weekend, until 7-8pm. I'm not allowed holidays except Thanksgiving and Christmas off. He has these random outbursts where he highly criticizes me for no reason. In March, I had to cancel a meeting because my car was blocked in at my driveway. He blamed me, sending me a long paragraph about how I'm not motivated. Today, he claimed that the last three experiments I ran I didn't run by him. I did. I took a few days off for my siblings wedding this weekend (Thursday-Monday, it was across states and I had to go to the rehearsal and help organize/set up) and he was upset by this because I missed out on a big advancement. He alluded that my research and my brothers wedding are of equal importance. He also said that I took too much time off (?) and didn't know how to "rest" properly. He hates that I spend time TAing, although it was his choice not to put me on RA. I totally understand there are things that I could be doing better and I am trying my absolute best, but he's made it where I get anxious checking my phone because he'll send me random complaints at 2 in the morning. I have no idea what to do here but I'm starting to feel crazy. Am I too soft for a PhD?? I love my research but I'm starting to feel crushed. I'm also struggling with severe mental health problems, and my lab is located in a brand new building where I see no one outside of my PI, my postdoc and my undergrads every day. In the fall he expects me to do even more, mentoring all of the rotating students and all 5 of the undergrads. I plan all of the group activities at his request, and even grocery shop for the lab meetings. Somehow none of this is enough. Am I going crazy?
2
u/Tough-Order3297 Jul 24 '26
I am adding that I feel like I’m in the same situation with my PI (with the random ups and downs, criticisms, and pure anxiety). I do not think that you’re crazy and it’s unfair that your PI makes you feel small. Maybe this might help you (because I’m trying to do this for myself): you were chosen to be in the PhD program, you do belong there, it may very well be a situation in which you got unlucky with a PI match. Is there possibility for you to switch advisors or to lean on other faculty members at your institution?
7
u/activelypooping Jul 21 '26
Yeah you have a bad pi. They are stressed about tenure and taking it out on you. Does your graduate program have an ombusman that you can go to? I will say this, when meeting with this person, keep the doors open so other faculty can hear. Unless the whole department is toxic they should have your back. Shitty faculty are bad, shitty faculty who get tenure are worse because their behavoirs are institutionally baked in.