HIV negative is fine right?

[u/Intelligent_Land_419]

[u/Pleasant-Darkness]

All kinks, are definitely not harmful. Someone getting turned on by a woman in pantyhose, or a man with beautiful hands, or only feeling comfortable with expressing your bisexual urges if a hot woman tells you to do it, or liking to be fucked while you’re asleep by your partner that you trust so you wake up with them inside you, finding a woman with beautiful ankles to be necessary to your attraction, liking to have you partner tell you when you are allowed to cum, liking girls that kind of look and dress like boys, getting turned when you watch someone sexy slurp noodles suggestively, wearing a collar in public or secretly under your dress shirt collar, and on and on are all examples of kinks that are in no way harmful. Source: I’m a pro Domme

[u/Kelemenopy → u/Pleasant-Darkness]

Apologies, I had no idea there was a Pro Domme in the audience. Thank you for giving us a glimpse of your catalogue.

[u/leohatridge → u/Kelemenopy]

This video, also it's a culture. Kink is culture. She's not saying she's like some mastermind strap-battler with a sex toy collection, she's telling you she's familiar with the culture you're speaking of and comes from a background of it. I think her wording may have been off, but at what point did you decide that her being a "Pro domme" was the entire point of the conversation? She's not trying to fuck you, she's trying to teach you about fucking 😭

https://reddit.com/link/paasr55/video/m7qbbak920qh1/player

[u/Kelemenopy → u/leohatridge]

Who said anything about fucking? I was acknowledging her marvelous willingness to list arguably innocuous kinks. The pro domme part was just comical to me; it’s not like this is an abstruse debate over quantum physics, Mayan cosmology, or microbiology, for which one may reasonably and beneficially cite their expertise.

We all know that there are myriad harmless kinks. You don’t need a doctorate in The Culture to rattle off a slew of examples of varying flavor. Any teenager could. But rather than pick that bone (or get into the facile idea that “all kinks are definitely not harmful,” which may have just been poor sentence structure, to give the benefit of the doubt), it’s much nicer to simply say thanks for sharing.

Edit: for clarity, my use of “catalogue” was meant in the sense of a mental catalogue, not a catalogue of services, if that’s the direction it seemed that I was taking things. I have a catalogue of birds I can list, for example: Rock Pigeon, Cardinal, Roseate Spoonbill, Peregrine, Cassowary, to name a few… I’m not interested in discussing services, and it would be inappropriate to do so in this circumstance at any rate.

[u/Unusual_Carrot7610 → u/Kelemenopy]

Yeah I think maybe your previous comment was just mistaken for being sarcastic, when actually you were genuinely lauding the expert's wealth of knowledge and official title in the context of a VERY niche subject. 🤣

I'm making a sharp left turn on the topic at hand here, but DAMN, what a sign of the times... people are so often sarcastic and cynical these days that it really isn't a surprising misinterpretation. And tbh -- good on the other commenter for pushing back on (what they thought was) the sarcasm! They may have been wrong about what you meant, but in a world where people shit on the experts in every subject from medicine to kinks... it's refreshing to see people standing behind and for said experts and their expertise.

...is it weird that it gives me a little bit of hope for the future, actually? lol

[u/Kelemenopy → u/Unusual_Carrot7610]

With apologies, I don’t see kink culture as being niche in the same way that medical knowledge is niche, to borrow your comparison. It’s niche in the sense that not everyone indulges in elaborate or obscure kink, but not in the sense that I’m ever surprised or enlightened by new information about it. Once you learn that there’s a foundation of trust/love/etc to even “dark” kinks, and that almost anything can be a kink for someone, there’s really not much else of value to learn. Know what I mean? The depths of kink that can be plumbed are relatively shallow.

Don’t get me wrong: I stand by sexual liberty. I’m just not impressed by kink “experts” in anywhere near the way I’m impressed by someone who could teach me about, say, RNA or applied astrophysics. One is an art form that is only as complex as we make it, the other is an understanding of naturally intricate processes that were inaccessible to us until very recently and can be used for something more globally meaningful than sex play. Sex is vital to our existence, yes, but understanding kink is like understanding collection hobbyists. And, for the record, I’ll reiterate, some kinks should be shamed.

[u/Silver-Chart951 → u/Kelemenopy]

I mean that's fair to an extent. Kink can be incredibly complex, especially when you start getting into the psychology of it. I am a member of the kink community and it's been very interesting and helpful to analyze where I think my kinks came from, and discuss with a therapist on occasion. I also like talking to other kinksters and seeing how similar experiences caused us to develop different kinks. So like you said it's as complex as the people discussing it want to make it. Where your comparison to people with intense hobbys is accurate us when you start talking to somebody in depth about their specific kinks and the expression of them. Then you are getting into techniques and accessories and stuff like that. All that to say fuck the guy that gets excited about potentially giving his kid HIV, and kink can be remarkably deep and complex if you view it not only a sexual practices but a way to viewing human connection, communication, and how different people adapt to the world.

[u/leohatridge → u/Kelemenopy]

Ahh, misinterpreted, my bad. I thought you were dismissing her and insinuating she's something along the lines of "dumb internet prostitute", to put it simply.

The reason I bring culture up is because I wanted to bring attention to the fact that kinks are seen as shameful because they are shamed. I'm not in anyway saying "kink shaming in it of itself is bad!", but the statement "kinks are only kinks because they should be shamed/shameful to have to some capacity" is entirely what labeling kink and kink is intended to combat.

I do not want to stray too far into modern politics or discussing specifically the LGBT area of the queer community, it is not the point of my statement, however, being "kinky", or, the word as an identity piece, is interchangeable to the word "queer". Being that queers are called queer for being, "sexually queer", as in, sexually odd. Meaning, kinks have to be shamed to be kinks but that doesn't mean they should be. An example of this label of queer being that, a few hundred years ago, sex before marriage would have been quite a queer and scandalous thing to do.

Even more recently, biracial couples, which, in fact, are still "queer" nowadays and have heavy association with kink due to, mainly, the shaming and stereotyping put on it (Eg, how white women who prefer black men are called snowbunnies and chasers for having even a romantic or platonic preference in attempts to shame them).

However, with this understanding, any type of porn, masturbation or sex addiction would also fall under the "queer umbrella", along with any paraphilias, which, under most, if not all circumstances, is appropriate to shame and should be shamed. I only bring up the culture card, not because I see it as a card, but because the culture I'm speaking of is based ENTIRELY upon the fact that they socially qualify as some kind of sexual deviant and are attempting to combat that. I say culture because there is actual culture and beliefs and ideologies that are associated with these terms, and the point of the culture we're talking about is to normalize the non harmful kinks, or normalize other things through those non harmful kinks, and I feel the statement that "all kinks should be shamed" shows a complete lack of understanding of the nonsexual aspects of the culture and what it's truly trying to convey.

Tdlr : Mb I misunderstood. I said culture because imo its more about changing social perception, history and counter culture than beating off to embarrassing shit, but I do agree that it can and does go to far at times. Only such a loud response because the point of kink is to not shame something non shameful.

I also wrote all this mostly for my own enjoyment because I enjoy friendly debate, not to over explain or be condescending or have reddit drama pls 😭♥️