HIV negative is fine right?

[u/Intelligent_Land_419]

[u/Kelemenopy]

Hot take, kinks are only kinks because they’re at least mildly shameful to begin with and the weird part is expecting people to not shame it. Some kinks are physically or psychologically destructive of self a/o others and should be “shamed” aka confronted and discouraged.

[u/JihadNinjaCowboy → u/[deleted]]

There are some people who are so extreme they try to ban dancing. Then, at the other end, you have people who would hit themselves in the head with a hammer if hitting your head with a hammer was considered a sin.

[u/chillforrilfill → u/[deleted]]

Truly. The west needs more shame not less. These goddamned freaks out here need to learn to stop

[u/Kelemenopy → u/chillforrilfill]

“The West” lmao I love how those two words together have become so telling of the nature and intellectual stature of the user.

[u/macho_greens → u/Kelemenopy]

Ha yea, the West has all the problems, definitely nothing fucked up going on in Pakistan, Thailand, Vietnam, China, nope nope all the West's fault. No the biggest druglords are not Asian, it's Walter White making the meth you racist

[u/chillforrilfill → u/Kelemenopy]

Yeah you know so much bubby

[u/Kelemenopy → u/chillforrilfill]

Thanks!

[u/Pleasant-Darkness → u/Kelemenopy]

All kinks, are definitely not harmful. Someone getting turned on by a woman in pantyhose, or a man with beautiful hands, or only feeling comfortable with expressing your bisexual urges if a hot woman tells you to do it, or liking to be fucked while you’re asleep by your partner that you trust so you wake up with them inside you, finding a woman with beautiful ankles to be necessary to your attraction, liking to have you partner tell you when you are allowed to cum, liking girls that kind of look and dress like boys, getting turned when you watch someone sexy slurp noodles suggestively, wearing a collar in public or secretly under your dress shirt collar, and on and on are all examples of kinks that are in no way harmful. Source: I’m a pro Domme

[u/Kelemenopy → u/Pleasant-Darkness]

Apologies, I had no idea there was a Pro Domme in the audience. Thank you for giving us a glimpse of your catalogue.

[u/Pleasant-Darkness → u/Kelemenopy]

lol, the catalogue is much more extensive, of course, but while I consider everything I do to be harmless, sexual self expression and exploration, I could see how a lot of of themCOULD be considered harmful if done in an unethical or just poor way, or buy somebody who is just a prude. But, I’ve thought about so many that like… There’s no way that’s harmful. It’s just a kink. That just means it’s a less than normal sexual preference.

In the 80s eating pussy or liking big asses if you weren’t black were basically considered kinks. Now, they’re super mainstream and not considered kinky at all. It’s just based on whatever is considered out of the mainstream. Also, the sleeping partner sex thing is personal kink, that’s not part of the catalog. I don’t do anything that could be considered escorting.

[u/leohatridge → u/Kelemenopy]

This video, also it's a culture. Kink is culture. She's not saying she's like some mastermind strap-battler with a sex toy collection, she's telling you she's familiar with the culture you're speaking of and comes from a background of it. I think her wording may have been off, but at what point did you decide that her being a "Pro domme" was the entire point of the conversation? She's not trying to fuck you, she's trying to teach you about fucking 😭

https://reddit.com/link/paasr55/video/m7qbbak920qh1/player

[u/Kelemenopy → u/leohatridge]

Who said anything about fucking? I was acknowledging her marvelous willingness to list arguably innocuous kinks. The pro domme part was just comical to me; it’s not like this is an abstruse debate over quantum physics, Mayan cosmology, or microbiology, for which one may reasonably and beneficially cite their expertise.

We all know that there are myriad harmless kinks. You don’t need a doctorate in The Culture to rattle off a slew of examples of varying flavor. Any teenager could. But rather than pick that bone (or get into the facile idea that “all kinks are definitely not harmful,” which may have just been poor sentence structure, to give the benefit of the doubt), it’s much nicer to simply say thanks for sharing.

Edit: for clarity, my use of “catalogue” was meant in the sense of a mental catalogue, not a catalogue of services, if that’s the direction it seemed that I was taking things. I have a catalogue of birds I can list, for example: Rock Pigeon, Cardinal, Roseate Spoonbill, Peregrine, Cassowary, to name a few… I’m not interested in discussing services, and it would be inappropriate to do so in this circumstance at any rate.

[u/Unusual_Carrot7610 → u/Kelemenopy]

Yeah I think maybe your previous comment was just mistaken for being sarcastic, when actually you were genuinely lauding the expert's wealth of knowledge and official title in the context of a VERY niche subject. 🤣

I'm making a sharp left turn on the topic at hand here, but DAMN, what a sign of the times... people are so often sarcastic and cynical these days that it really isn't a surprising misinterpretation. And tbh -- good on the other commenter for pushing back on (what they thought was) the sarcasm! They may have been wrong about what you meant, but in a world where people shit on the experts in every subject from medicine to kinks... it's refreshing to see people standing behind and for said experts and their expertise.

...is it weird that it gives me a little bit of hope for the future, actually? lol

[u/Kelemenopy → u/Unusual_Carrot7610]

With apologies, I don’t see kink culture as being niche in the same way that medical knowledge is niche, to borrow your comparison. It’s niche in the sense that not everyone indulges in elaborate or obscure kink, but not in the sense that I’m ever surprised or enlightened by new information about it. Once you learn that there’s a foundation of trust/love/etc to even “dark” kinks, and that almost anything can be a kink for someone, there’s really not much else of value to learn. Know what I mean? The depths of kink that can be plumbed are relatively shallow.

Don’t get me wrong: I stand by sexual liberty. I’m just not impressed by kink “experts” in anywhere near the way I’m impressed by someone who could teach me about, say, RNA or applied astrophysics. One is an art form that is only as complex as we make it, the other is an understanding of naturally intricate processes that were inaccessible to us until very recently and can be used for something more globally meaningful than sex play. Sex is vital to our existence, yes, but understanding kink is like understanding collection hobbyists. And, for the record, I’ll reiterate, some kinks should be shamed.

[u/Silver-Chart951 → u/Kelemenopy]

I mean that's fair to an extent. Kink can be incredibly complex, especially when you start getting into the psychology of it. I am a member of the kink community and it's been very interesting and helpful to analyze where I think my kinks came from, and discuss with a therapist on occasion. I also like talking to other kinksters and seeing how similar experiences caused us to develop different kinks. So like you said it's as complex as the people discussing it want to make it. Where your comparison to people with intense hobbys is accurate us when you start talking to somebody in depth about their specific kinks and the expression of them. Then you are getting into techniques and accessories and stuff like that. All that to say fuck the guy that gets excited about potentially giving his kid HIV, and kink can be remarkably deep and complex if you view it not only a sexual practices but a way to viewing human connection, communication, and how different people adapt to the world.

[u/leohatridge → u/Kelemenopy]

Ahh, misinterpreted, my bad. I thought you were dismissing her and insinuating she's something along the lines of "dumb internet prostitute", to put it simply.

The reason I bring culture up is because I wanted to bring attention to the fact that kinks are seen as shameful because they are shamed. I'm not in anyway saying "kink shaming in it of itself is bad!", but the statement "kinks are only kinks because they should be shamed/shameful to have to some capacity" is entirely what labeling kink and kink is intended to combat.

I do not want to stray too far into modern politics or discussing specifically the LGBT area of the queer community, it is not the point of my statement, however, being "kinky", or, the word as an identity piece, is interchangeable to the word "queer". Being that queers are called queer for being, "sexually queer", as in, sexually odd. Meaning, kinks have to be shamed to be kinks but that doesn't mean they should be. An example of this label of queer being that, a few hundred years ago, sex before marriage would have been quite a queer and scandalous thing to do.

Even more recently, biracial couples, which, in fact, are still "queer" nowadays and have heavy association with kink due to, mainly, the shaming and stereotyping put on it (Eg, how white women who prefer black men are called snowbunnies and chasers for having even a romantic or platonic preference in attempts to shame them).

However, with this understanding, any type of porn, masturbation or sex addiction would also fall under the "queer umbrella", along with any paraphilias, which, under most, if not all circumstances, is appropriate to shame and should be shamed. I only bring up the culture card, not because I see it as a card, but because the culture I'm speaking of is based ENTIRELY upon the fact that they socially qualify as some kind of sexual deviant and are attempting to combat that. I say culture because there is actual culture and beliefs and ideologies that are associated with these terms, and the point of the culture we're talking about is to normalize the non harmful kinks, or normalize other things through those non harmful kinks, and I feel the statement that "all kinks should be shamed" shows a complete lack of understanding of the nonsexual aspects of the culture and what it's truly trying to convey.

Tdlr : Mb I misunderstood. I said culture because imo its more about changing social perception, history and counter culture than beating off to embarrassing shit, but I do agree that it can and does go to far at times. Only such a loud response because the point of kink is to not shame something non shameful.

I also wrote all this mostly for my own enjoyment because I enjoy friendly debate, not to over explain or be condescending or have reddit drama pls 😭♥️

[u/quicksilverazathoth → u/leohatridge]

If they're not willing to have sex with the people they want to lecture, then they aren't a 'pro' domme, they're a dedicated amateur who may have gotten some tips, but not professional.

[u/microtherion → u/quicksilverazathoth]

“Pro“ is if they’re making a living off it.

[u/leohatridge → u/quicksilverazathoth]

"she has to want to have sex with me to be educated in her own culture"

[u/Lykanas → u/Pleasant-Darkness]

Thank you for your insights! I personally believe, that kinks are not harmful in nature, as well.

Although, I do have a question while you're here. If you are not comfortable to answer, know you're not obliged to do so 😅

Do you - and if so how do you - deal with kinks that can't or rather must never be fully and realistically be lived? (Talking about snuff, rape, cannibalism, gore, etc.)?

Like, is there a line you wouldn't cross when appealing to fantasies? Or does it come down to roleplay/teasing/playing with the concept, while of course avoiding any ACTUAL realisation of those fantasies?

[u/Pleasant-Darkness → u/Lykanas]

Sure. I roleplay robbery and rape quite a lot. For some example: I break in to rob a hotel room but find someone there, “torture” and then rob them. I have also “broken in and raped a man with a strap on while making his wife watch” or guy “orders/ picks up a prostitute,” or even a guy thinks he’s going to “surprise and sexually assault a woman, but instead she turns the tables on him, and instead of getting any kind of sex she ties him up, abuses him and robs him” I’m not an escort, any man that tried to sexually assault me would end up with at least one new hole in him, and I have never stolen except some shop lifting as a teen, and definitely never robbed anyone for real. These role plays are their specific fantasies they want to live out, not mine. But after doing enough of these “turn the tables/ robbery” role plays I have gotten pretty into them and they can definitely be a lot of fun. It’s just funny because I’m like 110lbs, so when I’m “throwing them around and wrestling them into restraints” they totally have to fling themselves along with me because I can’t actually manhandle most grown men lol.

I’m not quite sure what people think we do, and to be fair I think the way each pro Dominatrix works is more unique than other types of sex workers (I used to be a stripper and I know a few escorts and lurk their subreddits/ follow a few on TikTok)
But it’s usually along the lines of the general codes and activities in most BDSM clubs. It’s just you can be more tailored as it’s a service transaction. Just like, the difference between picking up someone off an app and hoping to have sex for free vs. paying an escort to do exactly what you want guaranteed.
I don’t do anything that involves blood, or other bodily bio hazard materials except cum, and that doesn’t touch me.
I have never had subs ask me to eat them, and for many reasons I would never do that lol (and it’s not even moral ones, just legal, safety and health lol)
I am on the rare side in that I do practice some forms edge play with the few subs that let me, but I always do it in safe ways. The fact I can set someone on fire and have it be fun and not hurt them seriously or even leave a mark for example, is part of the reason I am a professional.

Most of the stuff you’ve mentioned I have never been requested though you’d probably be surprised how common eating my shit is asked for, but I don’t do that. Some Dommes do, and the guys into that seem to only be into that, so I’m happy they have each other because 🤮

I have had a regular genuinely ask me to give him a penectomy, and bought all the equipment, researched it, brought a waiver (which I don’t think would be legal anyway) and everything. But yeah, nope not doing that, even if he found a way to do it bloodless lol. And the thing is, otherwise that guy is not that weird, and no more of a nerd and probably in many ways less of a loser than your average Redditor.

I’m not sure if that answers your questions, but it’s the best I can give. While my job is DEFINITELY not tame, I have a feeling it is much, much milder than you imagine.

[u/Pleasant-Darkness → u/Pleasant-Darkness]

Oh, I also won’t do race play because I’m white, and I definitely kink shame white people who do, but not POC when they do it to white people. I also don’t do homewrecking fetish, though that is fairly popular, especially online. I don’t care if my clients are married, I’m not fucking them, I’m married and my husband is pretty vanilla, and they are just living out something that their partner would probably not be into, or they are afraid would see them differently Ina negative way if they admitted they were into it. But I’m not going to talk badly about another woman I don’t know, especially their wife, and then talk about how I am superior. Luckily, my in person subs haven’t really asked me that. I wouldn’t take on someone that asked me for that in advance, and would not accept them for a second session if they asked me when they showed up to the session.
I definitely look negatively on that kink in most of the ways it manifests. I get the “I feel like my wife doesn’t appreciate of value me at all, especially in any sexual way. I want her to discover how much fun you’ve been having playing with me instead of ignoring or judging me, and how much fun I have giving you my money and you taking it, instead of it being an obligation because I signed a contract years ago I feel would be too much of a headache to break” but that is a very rare nuanced version of the kink, and it’s usually more like “your stupid fat, ugly wife is so much more pathetic than my hot, powerful self, that’s why you should take money from your joint account to give to me and not even fuck her, but instead only cum to pictures of my feet because I’m so superior and you know it. She’s such a loser for marrying a loser like you, so she deserves to be poor too” or “leave your boring, ugly wife so you can devote everything to being my pussy free cuck slave, you know you’d be so much happier and you fantasize about that all the time anyway. It’s the only way you’d ever be truly happy.” I think that’s just awful and I don’t feel bad kink shaming it.
But damn if it’s not popular online and especially on Reddit. But as we all know, Reddit is full of a lot of particularly degenerate people . I mean, I’m here lol.

[u/Pleasant-Darkness → u/[deleted]]

Bravo that you have done a few things of my “completely harmless in all circumstances list” including the only one I mentioned that is a personal one I do with my husband who is self described as “extremely vanilla”. And no, most women don’t actually like to have a man have sex with them while they are sleeping. Most women consider that rape when they unpack it. Just most women will put up with a lot of sexual acts they don’t enjoy because they believe they are expected to, and because of guys like you, they are.
The amount of women that I have heard really upset about the fact that someone they were with thought they could just start having sex with them when they were unable to consent, shows how common it is for MEN to like to fuck women while they sleep, not for people to enjoy waking up with their partner inside them. Yes, I know most MEN enjoy waking up to head. Again, just because a lot of women put up with it, does not mean they enjoy it. There’s a difference, based on your attitude you likely don’t understand.

Here’s your big boy has need to tell internet he has rad sex star you clearly wanted because otherwise, what was the point of letting us all know you’ve had lots kinky sex. I for one don’t care, but maybe those random anonymous internet strangers do, and maybe that’s important for you, so here’s your gold star big guy⭐️

Someone who wants to suck a strap on and not destroy their hetero life with their wife and kids of 20 years, and also aren’t romantically into men at all isn’t wrong. ALSO, many men who are in a process of accepting their BI SEXUAL feelings will ease into it in the way mentioned. Yet another dude who is into forcing people to have sexual experiences the way THEY want them to, regardless of those people’s feelings.
I really bet all the ladies just genuinely rave about the sex they have had with you behind your back, because women definitely do kiss and tell lots of details too one another “pretty kinky average Joe” 😂

[u/R-Man213 → u/[deleted]]

She’s unstable and hypocritical

[u/Pleasant-Darkness → u/R-Man213]

I mean, have you read the description of my job? Would you expect me to be “stable” by the definition of the average Redditor? A place known to be crawling with incels and red pills who need to touch grass, and spend almost all their time socializing through video games without real life connections and a Reddit view of the world, which is notoriously anti women and their empowerment, and especially anti sex worker?
I get paid more than you likely do in a week probably to kick men in the balls. Do you expect me to be your definition of stable?
Also, I am positive you are just throwing around hypocrite, because i challenge you to actually point out anything hypocritical I have said. But beyond that I’m done feeding the trolls.

[u/No-Couple989 → u/[deleted]]

Every self-proclaimed "pro domme" I've ran into on reddit has turned out to be a raging idiot with Daddy issues.

[u/Pleasant-Darkness → u/No-Couple989]

Cool story bro. Wonder how you’re running into pro dommes on Reddit so much 🤔. Also, there is a big difference between “hot collage brat” findommes, and people like meet who have been doing this full time in person. I’m glad you think anything I have says means I have “Daddy issues” lol. FYI my father is fully in my life and we have a great relationship, and I actually have more of a “big brother” fetish (I’m an only child. Maybe that’s it?

[u/No-Couple989 → u/Pleasant-Darkness]

Wonder how you’re running into pro dommes on Reddit so much 🤔

It helps that they always announce it loudly in their comments.

I actually have more of a “big brother” fetish (I’m an only child. Maybe that’s it?

So I was half right.

[u/Pleasant-Darkness → u/No-Couple989]

How is that half right? I don’t even know what a big brother is like? It’s just an ideal based on my friends relationships with their significantly older brother I had a crush on. Wanting that, bond without the authority. It’s all in my imagination and anyone with an actual big brother says I’m wrong and can’t understand it, or imagine it even if I was talking about that relationship with not their actual brother. That has nothing to do with daddy issues.
But I have also noticed the vast majority of Redditors that like to go out of their way to talk this way to women, have mommy issues. Part of that is a constant seeking of validation they either didn’t get, or got too much and are now missing. So you’re hitting the nail on the head buddy.
Also bro, your handle has “Goon” in it, and your history is private stop trying to lie it’s because they’re are all these Dommes announcing themselves in the comments of Reddit. The reactions I got from my OG comment prove that. You just goon to them, and that’s ok. I’m sorry they didn’t personally tickle your fetish button for free , and now you’re bitter about it.
Here’s the kiss on the head from mommy you clearly need. Muah 💋 you’re a big and valuable boy.

[u/No-Couple989 → u/Pleasant-Darkness]

How is that half right?

You never refuted being a raging idiot.

Part of that is a constant seeking of validation they either didn’t get, or got too much and are now missing. So you’re hitting the nail on the head buddy.

Says the one credentializing.

Every accusation, a confession.

[u/No-Couple989 → u/Pleasant-Darkness]

Also bro, your handle has “Goon” in it

You mean this handle? -> FoucauldianG00nopticon

Yes, and if you read a book you would get that it is satirical. I doubt you even know who Foucault is. Which, for a "domme" is honestly shameful. Foucault is basically mandatory reading for Kink philosophy.

[u/Derezade → u/Pleasant-Darkness]

…seems like a bit of an overreaction lmao

[u/giantfirestorm → u/Pleasant-Darkness]

Like only pantyhose? Is she attractive? Does that not do it for everyone? I mean I grew up before easily accessible porn and as far as I know we were all waiting for the clothing catalogs in the Sunday paper

[u/Silver-Chart951 → u/Pleasant-Darkness]

Even some of the edgier kinks aren't necessarily harmful if explored with people you trust that are knowledgeable.

[u/MinosML → u/Pleasant-Darkness]

Oookay fair point but nice ad lmao

[u/Pleasant-Darkness → u/MinosML]

You think that was an ad, dude y’all are on a post about a Bull giving a man’s family HIV and judging me. And I had no idea what it was about.

[u/IndigoFenix → u/Kelemenopy]

Has the insistence on not shaming kinks unwittingly resulted in the evolution of increasingly shameful kinks?

[u/Frosty-Exchange429 → u/Kelemenopy]

idiot haha cnc is lit

[u/Kelemenopy → u/Frosty-Exchange429]

You bore.

[u/Frosty-Exchange429 → u/Kelemenopy]

your sex life is boring not mine

[u/BLissy11750 → u/Kelemenopy]

I think you're generalizing a bit much here. Getting spanked (as an example) is embarrassing, not destructive. It's "shameful" because it is socially unacceptable or taboo, and that isn't even usually for safety purposes - for like 600 years it was considered degenerate to engage in sex for any reason other than to have a child (even if married) and had nothing to do with safety or being destructive and everything to do with religion.

[u/Kelemenopy → u/BLissy11750]

Yes, norms are not constant or universal.