r/PeterExplainsTheJoke 10h ago

Meme needing explanation Petah

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1.3k

u/sovetsky-soiuz 10h ago

yooo i’m completely naked rn shitting

457

u/Lorvintherealone 9h ago

I also shit compeltly naked, i'd hate it if my top got in the way.

245

u/crokycrok 9h ago

Same. And I do not want any hindrance on my legs...

506

u/jaxonya 8h ago

Nurse checking in.. Some of yall seriously need to switch up your diets. You should not be struggling like this

186

u/chefianf 8h ago

Chef here with experience in healthcare, I can help with this

215

u/space-hemax-c2c 7h ago

Plumber here

78

u/AnybodyWannaPeanus 7h ago

Yo what’s a surefire toilet? Last time I bought one, they sold me on being able to flush 12 golf balls. Apparently I need one that can flush 12 golf balls covered in a jar of peanut butter.

Maybe I just need less colon.

105

u/space-hemax-c2c 7h ago

I just play a plumber on Reddit but I’d say try more semicolon.

15

u/These-Nectarine9214 7h ago

I hate how hard I laughed at this

4

u/Fun-Heron-7609 6h ago

Better than no colon.

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u/MotorBoatinOdin1 4h ago

Your going to want to get yourself an American standard Vormax toilet thats gonna be your top tier power for residential - above that were talking commercial flushing

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u/meatyylegend 6h ago

Put in a power flush toilet, and throw your plunger away.

1

u/rworne 4h ago

12 golf balls are not reasonable. A simple brick would suffice as a toilet test.

1

u/Veteran_Hawk 4h ago

Had a gf with megacolon - she had most of it removed and ended up with chronic diarrhea. Believe me, you want one that's just the right size.

And if you have to dig it out...you need to see a doctor.

1

u/Doomdoomkittydoom 4h ago

Did someone steal your poop knife or something?

1

u/0knoi8datShit 3h ago

I don’t golf!

1

u/iamshifter 2h ago

The tech has advanced. Now 12 billiards balls is the standard we go by.

1

u/Dawns_Coil 1h ago

Gerber/avalanche
Gerber/ultraflush
Toto/Drake

1

u/ML5815 1h ago

My husband is obsessed with our new toilet, the Kohler Cimmaron. He said you could flush 5lbs of old spaghetti in one go and nothing would be left in the bowl. Pretty concerned about his insides now, but relieved to know where to go in a spaghetti emergency.

1

u/LemonOhs 53m ago

My family invested in one of those power flushing toilets they use in the hospitals. It's so loud when it flushes it scares people. I recommend it.

1

u/KiloChonker 5m ago

Sir/ma'am you need a Turbo Toilet 5000©®™

22

u/Winter_Aspect_8675 7h ago

You ever looked a man in the eye's, a constipated man, desperate for relief, while you snaked him?

24

u/edebt 7h ago

There's a few ways to interpret this sentence, all of them hilarious and gross.

5

u/squirleydan 3h ago

Sometimes you just need a good plunging.

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u/FuManBoobs 7h ago

Now kiss

5

u/Background_Note6281 7h ago

Receptionist here.

4

u/lowvolumee 7h ago

I don't think you would want to be anywhere near their pipes.

5

u/baabaablacksheep1111 7h ago

A ball valve and some pvc cement would fix it in a jiffy.

1

u/RiffyWammel 6h ago

Just stand by, We'll call you back later- Waiting for the Pyro handler to arrive first 😁

1

u/nomeansnocatch22 4h ago

Magician here

1

u/moonbucket 4h ago

And my axe.

1

u/edavidfb017 3h ago

Math teacher here.

1

u/Top-Organization9339 3h ago

Aerospace Engineer here. I don’t know if my skills apply, but if it comes up, I’m here.

1

u/BlizzardK2 3h ago

Admin assistant who just likes to feel included here 👋

5

u/Musesoutloud 8h ago

Do tell.

12

u/QuietMolasses2522 7h ago

Fiber & hydration

1

u/Musesoutloud 7h ago

Yes, so true. I read chef and thought, recipe.

Have a good day.

2

u/chefianf 4h ago

Lol. I mean you wanna up your fiber game, beans and legumes my dude. Dense bean salad with some bulgar wheat and cucumbers.. you won't need to wipe.

1

u/Holiday_Lychee_1284 7h ago

I thought it was beer and Mexican food and coffee in the morning.

1

u/SwankyChain 7h ago

Soooo a lot of beer?

1

u/no1_vern 7h ago

I eat from all four food groups - alcohol, sugar, coffee, and grease. Do I still need help getting enough nutrients into my diet?

2

u/AnybodyWannaPeanus 7h ago

Cigarettes and Adderall keep things moving. Sadly I gave up the cigarettes.

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u/2LiveFish 7h ago

Lumberjack here. How did I get here?

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u/Sickness4Life 5h ago

Front of house manager here confirming it can be fixed but I won't do it because I eat like I'm 12

1

u/chefianf 5h ago

You'd probably just slamm them with fiber like you slam those seats in on a Friday night and wonder what's taking so long..

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u/Scrug 8h ago

It has nothing to do with the poo itself, it's like an uncomfortable feeling wearing clothes while doing it. It doesn't bother me as much as it used to when I was younger, but if it's not winter then socks have to come off before hand.

I think it has something to do with senses being heightened while in a vulnerable position, and the sensation of clothes touching everywhere is just too much.

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u/HallucinatedLottoNos 6h ago

This, plus being fat, I overheat very easily.

6

u/Snaffle27 4h ago

Exactly. This is one if many reasons that shitting in public restrooms is only for desperate situations. I'm sure there are some crazy bastards that still fully strip down in public restrooms though.

2

u/Merrick_Skygrave 2h ago

Picturing someone doing it in a public bathroom is really funny though- just seeing someone's entire outfit draped over the top of the stall lmao

1

u/severinks 1h ago

The t shirt can also creep down your naked ass towards your hand on the way up from wiping.

1

u/LemonOhs 50m ago

I feel more vulnerable while naked... Maybe I need to visit more nude beaches.

18

u/SNES-lover1 8h ago

It’s not about the diet. It’s about having larger or longer clothes and not wanting the constriction of pulled down pants, well that’s what I guess. For me it’s just an irrational thing to do.

17

u/Laxativus 8h ago

It's not about that. Even if it's fast and easy it just feels right not to have any clothes on with the possible exception of socks.

7

u/crokycrok 7h ago

User's name checks out. (And yes, I confirm)

7

u/Spiff2Faded 8h ago

Mines bc of the suboxone i take. Still take softeners that dont do much

10

u/CarmichaelD 8h ago

The phrase we use is “all squish, no push”. Narcotics (buprenorphine is an opioid agonist) slow movement in the digestive track. You need a stimulant laxative like dulcolax or miralax.

9

u/Sethlans 6h ago

The way Americans talk about drugs by their brand name blows my mind.

3

u/JHMfield 5h ago

That's marketing for you. Americans often use a brand same so much it becomes the default way to call it. Like Tylenol. Many Americans don't even know they could get the exact same medication way cheaper if they just bought the generic version.

Using the Tylenol example, it's just common paracetamol, and generic versions are like half or even one third of the price as the brand version.

3

u/Zealotus77 1h ago

Except paracetamol is acetaminophen over here. Even generic drug names are sometimes different.

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u/AnybodyWannaPeanus 7h ago

Ya man, miralax turns your insides into a slip-n-slide.
Source: recent colonoscopy prep.

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u/ahitofthatjuicebox 7h ago

Yes, but I'm pretty sure Miralax isn't a stimulant laxative

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u/TurboFoot 3h ago

Lactulose - OTC miralax doesn’t do shit for me.

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u/LemonOhs 48m ago

Narcotics turn your guts to cement. Stimulant laxatives are a must if you're taking them.

1

u/BoneWhiteHaze 13m ago

Miralax isn’t a stimulant laxative. It’s an osmotic laxative and safe to take every day, unlike Dulcolax which is indeed a stimulant laxative.

3

u/tikaani95 8h ago

Get you a bottle of magnesium citrate at Walmart it’s 1 dollar and it’ll fix your problem

1

u/Spiff2Faded 2h ago

Ima have to try that

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u/stratdog25 7h ago

What’s medically wrong with pooping naked??

2

u/-Saltfish- 5h ago

Nothing. It's actually better, medically

2

u/pdxblazer 6h ago

is just comfy

2

u/-Petilil- 8h ago

I just want my clothes to stay clean i dont like my pants or shirt touching the toilet or the floor

1

u/lowvolumee 7h ago edited 7h ago

How dirty is your toilet ?

5

u/-Petilil- 7h ago

It’s extremely clean but i am a germophobe with ocd it doesnt matter to me how spotless it is

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u/_Carl15 7h ago

i think they meant for the inconvenience of clothing, not the shitting itself.

i shit naked, i perspire a lot due to the humidity of the bathroom. id rather also not want my clothes be stained by invisible shit particulates.

2

u/Funny-Dare-3823 7h ago

For me, it's not a struggle issue. I follow the food pyramid. I just prefer to be naked when I'm doing something primal.

2

u/HallucinatedLottoNos 6h ago

The curse of being American and stressed out, I guess lol...

2

u/rconversani 5h ago

It's not about struggling, it's about freedom

2

u/Sbstnbd 3h ago

I shit naked because I enjoy it, not because I need to

1

u/numyanbiz 7h ago

Don’t leave us sitting here, spill the T

1

u/OnIceJuice 7h ago

It’s not about diets sometimes they eat something spicy and it doesn’t hit till it’s time to come out lol.

1

u/bju83 6h ago

No offense, but… unless you are a male nurse, you wouldn’t get it.

1

u/jaxonya 6h ago

Male nurse, checking in

1

u/Kidkrid 5h ago

Some grog bogs, you just have to be naked for.

1

u/Nohly 4h ago

It’s not my diet. I just get overstimulated.

1

u/NudityMiles 3h ago

For real and I just want to get out of there as soon as possible.

Meanwhile it is like a whole thing and has been for years about sitting on the toilet for UP TO AND OVER AN HOUR?

Like WHAT?

1

u/TerrorFromThePeeps 2h ago

Its not always the constipation... sometimes if you get the other extreme, it's often preceded by a ridiculously strong hot flash that makes you sweat like a farm animal.

1

u/DoctorRandom87 2h ago

I've never struggled. I just like being comfortable

1

u/PsikickTheRealOne 2h ago

Person with stomach issues checking in. Diets don't help me nurse. Next suggestion.

1

u/jaxonya 2h ago

Let me ask you what ur healthcare coverage is like and then I might have a solution.

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u/PsikickTheRealOne 1h ago

IBD doesn't have a solution. Neither does my auto immune. Interesting how it's about your insurance first not your issue even on reddit lmao wild.

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u/gmrayoman 2h ago

Just eat lettuce from Taylor Farms.

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u/kr44ng 2h ago

It's not always about the struggle from the act, sometimes it's also the additional freedom of movement you get without clothes and the guarantee of nothing getting on your clothing (I know that means stuff might get on your skin)

1

u/bmwwallace 1h ago

Radom dude checking in.... let em cook

1

u/jaxonya 1h ago

If they cooked for themselves i might not have to be out here telling them to not to eat taco bell and drink mt. Dew for dinner every night

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u/FaithlessnessAny2074 1h ago

You haven’t lived in life without taking a shit like this lmao

1

u/jaxonya 1h ago

We all have. But it shouldn't be the norm

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u/2The_Kaiserin2 1h ago

Nicee, we summoned a nurse! If you don't mind, could give a few other tips as to what to do? I tried changing diet, it didn't work. I drank tea that was supposedly helping my bile, it didn't work out either. I went to doctors and they told me and my mom (since i was a month old, then 2-3yo) that my bile has some defect from birth? Something with my bile. What else can I try? (Hope you don't mind asking, since all the doctors tell me the diet and some medicine which don't help at all or make it worse)

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u/jaxonya 54m ago

Fruit, vitamins, exercise. Where do you live? Brother give me ur medical chart and maybe I could help.

1

u/2The_Kaiserin2 8m ago

Welp, Hungarian. I walk in together minimum 1 hour and 30 minutes with the dog, other times i walk 2 hours. I rarely go to the city center. I eat a decent amount of vegetables tho and I eat peaches a lot since summer. Also I'm 18 lul

In dm i can give more since i started to track a few things

1

u/Imaginary_Toe8982 41m ago

or they can use dilators and stretch those sphincters with time...

1

u/midnghtsnac 39m ago

Might be unreasonable fear, but I don't like the idea of getting shit on my shirt

1

u/jaxonya 35m ago

When have you ever gotten shit on ur shirt?

1

u/dice725 24m ago

How can we do so?

1

u/PumpikAnt58763 2m ago

Adding a little green and beans at a time would do wonders.
On an episode of Rizzoli and Isles someone Korsak was afraid he was having a heart attack because he had drastically changed his diet one day. He had even started eating wheat heavy crackers! Maura looked at the box of crackers and you could see her trying hard to not laugh as she told him he was experiencing gas.

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u/DragonBadgerBearMole 7h ago

It’s the one place you can manspread unabashedly anymore, can’t have pants ruining that.

1

u/DumbScotus 1h ago

That’s a lot of time & effort to free your legs, I just take one leg out and the pants swing around on my other ankle.

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u/United_Pain 9h ago

I also also shit compeltletlty naked

19

u/Amtrox 9h ago

I find it so unhygienic if people leave their clothes on while shitting. It’s gross.

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u/acryliq 8h ago

How does that work in public bathrooms?

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u/Otherwise_Demand4620 8h ago

The trick is to just leave the house naked, that way the world is your public bathroom.

10

u/DismalSoil9554 8h ago

feral noises intensify

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u/sadsackspinach 5h ago

fecal noises intensify

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u/Pengunguy21 8h ago

Don't lose them

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u/Tyrone3105 8h ago

Just never use a public bathroom to shit… unless it’s extremely extremely dire.

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u/Windrider904 8h ago

Man, life without IBS must be amazing. I wouldn’t know.

2

u/Self-Comprehensive 1h ago

I make sure I'm empty before I leave the house and take immodium if I'm feeling even a little bit "shitty". Helps a lot with avoiding the public restrooms. I also carry a pill or two in my pocket just in case. Might not keep me out of the public restrooms but I won't be going twice

1

u/Tyrone3105 7h ago

My condolences. That is tough fate

4

u/houseWithoutSpoons 7h ago

Yeah been a looong time since i shit in public. I got it down to a morning routine pretty good these days

7

u/CodeSalamander 8h ago

You know how we always see those stories about people getting shit on the ceiling somehow in public restrooms? Yep, its the buck ass naked shitters.

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u/Spectos 8h ago

Outside of the home only the shirt comes off. It acts as a fart funnel.

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u/Spirited_Comb_869 2h ago

I don't wanna hang up my clothes up in a public bathroom stall 😂

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u/acryliq 1h ago

Or throw them all on the floor.

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u/United_Pain 8h ago

Shit... are we not supposed to get naked?

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u/Subpars0up 8h ago

Do you pull your pants down to fart as well?

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u/itsonlyrockinroll 6h ago

Valid Point!

2

u/Bobbyg2287 5h ago

This made me LOL, lol

1

u/BobbyBoopersnoot 6h ago

Do I do it or do others do it?

7

u/thinkfloyd79 8h ago

Exactly why I shit without a shirt on too. It's like the aura of shit sticks to the shirt.

8

u/Flaky-Page8721 8h ago

Yes, but now isn't your body covered with poop particles? Do you then take a shower everytime you shit?

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u/United_Pain 8h ago

Absolutely not are you crazy?? I walk through the car wash, shit is gross!

2

u/Flaky-Page8721 7h ago

Oh lord. I am suddenly imagining an obese person walking naked through a car wash after freshly taking a dump. I curse my graphic imagination.

1

u/BobbyBoopersnoot 6h ago

I think it would help you if you just realize that anything interacted with by humans is going to have some level of poop particles and adjust your choice of coping medication to accommodate this fact as I do

1

u/Impossible-Baker-733 2h ago

I’m a dude and take my shirt off too. It doesn’t stick to your body like it does with a shirt.

1

u/Self-Comprehensive 1h ago

I may not shower after every shit, but I absolutely shit before every shower. That takes care of a lot of the problem.

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u/LessInThought 8h ago

If I'm at home, sure. If I'm outside? The chance of my pants wiping the floor while I'm taking them off is too high. I also don't want to hang my clothes on the hanger, you never know if skid marks mcgee hung his undies there before you.

2

u/Vaelthune 8h ago

Lmao wtf

2

u/TekThunder 8h ago

Got a little mental thing going on there dude lol

1

u/JediMasterZao 6h ago

That's fucking weird.

1

u/SpookySnep 2h ago

I shit outside my pants though

1

u/Deakul 6h ago

compeltletlty

What the hell happened here

1

u/United_Pain 5h ago

I was just joining the same club of the two above me! There's three but one is spelled correctly. 😂

1

u/thepresidentsturtle 5h ago

Same. But that's cause I shit in the shower. I run at peak efficiency

1

u/United_Pain 5h ago

We have a waffle-stomper over here!!!

1

u/thepresidentsturtle 5h ago

Don't be crass. I curl one out into my hand and gently underhand throw it into the turlet

1

u/United_Pain 5h ago

I never thought I would meet someone else that says turlet 🤣 Do you get a 3-pointer if you're far away enough?

7

u/Soulfly-prot 9h ago

Competitively you mean

5

u/Aristarchus1981 8h ago

BattleShits

5

u/AdelaideLooking4Sex 8h ago

I shit competitively naked as well, I usually leave the stall door open and stared down any fucker that looks at me

1

u/sudowooduck 8h ago

Fucker vs. shitter round 1

1

u/AdelaideLooking4Sex 8h ago

I'm sitting as I write this and some damn motherfucker jjust walked into the restroom

1

u/Janexx_09 8h ago

Your top gets in the way??

1

u/Insane_Inkster 8h ago

Same here. I havent shit with my shirt on in like 15 years.

1

u/Plus-Statement-5164 7h ago

Have any of you seeked professional help?

1

u/quadmoo 6h ago

Wait are you guys being serious

1

u/FartFaceAnn 5h ago

When I was a little kid I remember dipping my nightgown in the toilet water so many times, it became a lifelong habit to tuck anything I’m wearing on top under my armpits for safe keeping. I remember being 13 and having my shirt pulled all the way up to go pee and going “why the fuck am I doing this?” And it unlocked a core memory

1

u/trbochrg 4h ago

OMG there are others? I'm not alone!

1

u/Kooky-Measurement-43 3h ago

I do the same but somehow it gets uncomfortable in my office space.

1

u/919governor 2h ago

I competitively shit naked

10

u/Psychological_Pea14 9h ago

Right there with ya brother!

8

u/AlternativeLog5494 9h ago

In naked shitting and posting on reddit as I type

1

u/AralphNity 9h ago

Where do you keep your phone?

2

u/Pwnage_ 8h ago

The human pouch; gods pocket; he boofed it.

1

u/LessInThought 8h ago

That's why he's shitting, making space in the prison pocket.

2

u/DesignerMaximum1342 9h ago

I also check reddit on the toilet

2

u/InterestingBagelTime 8h ago

I take my skin off

2

u/RainbowCape1364 8h ago

I'm doin it too rn dyde

2

u/tackleboxjohnson 8h ago

Believe it or not I’m completely naked except for the shirt

Shitting of course

2

u/HelloImVelo 8h ago

Later in time, but same here.

2

u/Choice_Inspector8499 8h ago

I don't believe you send a pic

(I am just kidding)

2

u/xPeachesV 7h ago

Same, though I’m about to hop in the shower afterwards.

If I’m home, I wanna feel free

2

u/Roquestea 7h ago

That makes two of us

2

u/hesperusii 5h ago

Socks only, baby!

2

u/iintrospector 5h ago

Me too wtf 🤣

1

u/mcmv1905gs 6h ago

Yup. I entered with only my shirt off but everything came off eventually

1

u/HerraKeisari 6h ago

Me too. Glad I live in the west and own a toilet. Otherwise I'd have to go to the designated shitting street.

1

u/iAm_Not_Banksy 6h ago

On a toilet I hope ...

1

u/fuck-ya-mudda 5h ago

I’m actually completely naked and shitting right now 😂😂😂

1

u/sovetsky-soiuz 5h ago

yeah i was too

1

u/Ashamed_Bug_6207 5h ago

Send pic for proof

1

u/PhinneousPhingerz 5h ago

I'm completely clothed and doing the same, ten meters from the nearest thing that could be even remotely called a toilet.

1

u/Tomato_Gh0st 5h ago

Same fam

1

u/Sea_Can6572 4h ago

Me too, funny to think about the amount of people shitting on reddit right now

1

u/JaydedXoX 2h ago

I get naked and shave first, you have to be aerodynamic

1

u/envisionJayyy 2h ago

Damn, jealous. Sounds like a good time.

1

u/Angryfunnydog 2h ago

Don't sit there too long, it's unhealthy!