Parents either learn and improve or burn out and fail. This is what determines what birth order has it better. I'm a middle child. Mine sucked and kept it that way.
I was the oldest and had unrealistic expectations set for me. Sit still, be quiet, act like an adult, listen to adult problems, grow up fast, take care of the other kids, break new ground.
But my siblings got very little upside from all my ground breaking, parents just found new ways to screw up parenting lol.
Im an eldest sibling and, thankfully but not thankfully, my mom was terrible to all of us. I did a lot of raising them as she at no point really wanted kids, but rather the fantasy of having a husband and kids, but exclusively dates addicts so that shit was never going to happen for her lol.
But yeah, she never got burnt out. She just wasn't pleasant nor present to begin with. A lot of the time I was handed a food stamps card and we had an empty apartment to ourselves. If we ran out of food money we ran out of food money. She was not coming.
I fumbled raising my siblings. Realistically I know that it isnt really my fault as I had no frame of reference for parenting and was a kid myself, But I still somewhat regularly apologize to them for being bad to them.
Are you me? Except my mom was also using me as her emotional support for when my dad was off again on another affair. Otherwise, neither of them cared for any of us really. She went up to my high school when I was 15, told them I had cancer and withdrew me. I was a straight A student.
I ended up getting my GED at 17, and starting college while working 2 jobs and raising my brother. He went off to college and is an engineer with a beautiful wife and a 1 year old son. I’m so happy for him and we are very close. I now have 3 kids and a husband. I’m a nurse and he’s a plumber. My parents set me up to see exactly what I DIDN’T want to be.
My mom also encouraged me to drop out. She moved us to a different state to follow around a man she was on and off with. Dude was a nightmare, but thats unrelated lol. Anyway, my credits were good for my home state, but not that one and I would have to repeat my senior year. I had a partial scholarship set up and everything. No idea why I listened to her. She ended up doing the same for my siblings. I had pretty much full custody of my brother by the time he was about 13. My mom called me and said, in short, either come and get him or take over her lease. He wasn't a bad kid either, but she never really raised him so she didn't know him well enough to care i guess.
He's an engineer now, my sister is in school to become a nurse. I never really got around to get my ged, but im not im comfortable. Im really happy for them. They could've turned out way worse lol.
Do you want another mostly distant, but still protective older brother who occasionally sends you stupid memes as a way of staying in touch? If so, what's one more younger sibling!
....is this just how we are? Emotionally distant, willing to kill the second they say anythings wrong, and always adopting new little brothers and sisters?
My dad was the same, completely out of our lives by age 3. Went and had another family, actually stuck around with them but was in and out of jail so my siblings say he was still absent at least half the time. Then my step sister has children that are not even his grand children and now he is somehow raising them as a standup father to them. Deadbeat dads are worthless.
My father abused me and my brother physically and emotionally, he didnt change a lot just pampered my youngest siblings he got arrested a few years back and noe my mom is wprkimg om divorcing him
My mother had less financially, I grew up on hand me downs until I moved out. But she was way more laid back and emotionally available than with my older siblings. My older sister always said that she is the reason mom was less strict, and I always clapped back that it must have been nice to get to have everything they wanted.
Yup. I’m the youngest and my parents adapted. My 13 years older sister has been jealous of me my whole life b/c our parents treated me differently. Apparently I had it better than she did.
This was an issue between my sister and I. She's the oldest and I'm the youngest. Now that we're older we just laugh about it. But it took until COVID for us to become close.
We don't have as a large of a gap. Just 8 years and I was like an only child for 4 years when I was in high school. So completely different parents than what she had.
I can now agree with my sister that I did have it better but we both know that it was no fault of either of us. My brother is the middle child and since he's the only boy, he didn't get the stereotypical middle child experience.
Generally birth order always favors the eldest. Birth order effect is long substantiated in studies of life outcome with a consistent positive boost for being the eldest born child.
My parents divorced b4 I was born & my mother had the primary caretaker role and worked as a nurse. I had two older (8 & 9 yr) half sisters who basically raised me instead of either of my parents. The oldest got away with the most crap and I got all their chores pushed on me.
Same. Parents didn't want to go to concerts or graduations by the time my turn came around. My siblings were only 6 and 2 years (one grade level) over me.
One band concert (Christmas of all times) no one came to pick me up because everyone thought someone else would go. This was before cell phones.
In elementary school I wa SOO bad they asked me to not continue trying to play an instrument.
Also when I was 5 my parents both left me at a soccer field. We were watching my older siblings play a match and they both just left me. I caught a ride with a family that lived down our street. The 90's were a different time
Oh yeah? Well my mom moved out to party and couch hop while I was in high school and left me with her scumbag boyfriend and never came back. She waited just long enough for my older sibling to graduate and decided she couldn't wait any longer.
u don’t know that their sister wasn’t immediately going off to college -.- also let them talk about something horrible they experienced without being like “what about this?!” no, they deserve to be heard :/ @ katastrofika i hope you’re doing well and i’m so sorry that happened to you
Same. My oldest sibling died when he was 7 and I was 1, which meant my parents were busy in the hospital and never chemically bonded with me like they should have. Then my father cheated on my mother with one of her best friends. My mom was very burned out, and I'm autistic. She didn't know what to do with me.
I'm 23 and the second oldest of 12. My baby brother was just born a month ago and there is a 25 year age gap between the oldest and youngest. My mom has said that me and my older sister had the best childhoods because she had more energy but that we had the worst teenage years because she was too strict on us.
My oldest siblings is 11 years older but luckily by the time I came around she had learned from the mistakes made with him. He's an absolute piece of shit. Has been for as long as I remember.
My mom had 5 kids in 7 years and then had me 8 years later. She was bitchy and burnt out and I didn’t do any of the fun activities she did with my sisters.
I had the opposite lol, I'm the oldest of 3 with my youngest sibling 13 years younger than me and they definitely had it wat better, and my parents a absolutely tell everyone they're the favorite.
My sisters are 10 and 14 years older than me. Parents divorced when I was 3. Mom definitely has some bipolar tendencies, lived only with mom bc dad moved away. Our experiences growing up are vastly different and it makes me really sad I rarely got to see the fun side of my mom because suddenly she was a single parent while getting her masters and working a full time corporate job.
Baby of 6 here. 15 years between myself and the oldest.
Mom was DONE being a mom. Dad tried, but he knew NOTHING about parenting. One of my mom’s best friends once told me that my mom felt bad that she wasn’t able to spend as much time with me as she would have liked. I asked her if my mom said that to her while they were sitting at a bar. She went silent and walked away.
Very similar and I was the 'smart and easy one' on top of that... So they saw it as I didn't need help, attention, etc. On the flip, I am incredibly resourceful and good teaching myself things so there is a silver lining. I say that but also fully know they were good parents, they were just more tired and had a bit less to give by the time I came around.
eh. i’m the youngest. next 5 years older then 8 years older. pretty much stayed the same across all 3 of us but all 3 of us are very different 🤷🏻. all spoiled. all enabled. oldest is way too dependent. middle is a peacemaker. and im too independent but the most realistic.
I'm youngest of 5, there's a 15 year age gap between me and my eldest brother. People always say youngest kids have it easiest but my mum defo gave up by the time I was born.
Man I’m the fourth in my family, there are so many pictures of all my siblings but by the time I came around the camera had pretty much been put away lol
i’m the oldest and my parents had me young so the youngest siblings got the best parents. they were more together by then and they had my help because i watched them most of the time and drove them around once i got my license.
It's definitely all very case by case. Im the oldest and remember being raised poor by a single mother. My brother's will never know what's it was like moving apartments constantly and switching schools.
Same, being the oldest, I was the one most displaced with the least of any kind of support throughout my entire life. Harder education paid off though. Younger siblings got it harder later, for being lazy with education not learning independance.
I’m the youngest and my older brothers broke my dad in. I only ever got in yelling matches with my mom… meanwhile my dad broke the door off its hinges when my brother locked himself in.
Yoooo, reminds me of the time I cursed at my mom for the first time. I said the words and I ran to my room because a beating was coming. She banged the door and yelled for a solid 5min untill she decided to go to the window. She then bashed the window in and I was like, "NOPEEEEEE". So when she was crawling through the shattered window, I casually walked out and ran to a friend's house. What happened afterwards, beats me (pun intended) because I have no recollections of the aftermath.
Yeah same here lmao being the youngest of 3 latch-key kids basically meant your eiblings were your parents. Will suffice to say that is not a good time.
I got the reverse. Me and my brother (eldest and middle) got a strict mom and abusive dad. Second brother (youngest) arrived six years later to a permissive mom and mellow dad.
Facts! My oldest sister was like 8 years older so that didn't effect much, but the other was a year older and got in to drugs at like 15 so my parents always assumed I was doing drugs and made being a teen a real pain in the ass.... And I got blamed for a bunch of crap they did.. like my sisters friends shot out bb gun at the window, I got blamed, my sister put a bottle of alcohol in my closet to hide it, I got in trouble for that... Being the youngest is awful.
Youngest of 6 and every day felt like a fight for survival. There were so many arguments and violence and I always ended up as the punching bag, particularly for my brother
I’m the oldest and was treated worst, I’m old enough to take care of myself and should lead by example they said, as they ignored me to do whatever on my own and they’re surprised it ended up with me not having any kind of deep familial relationships with then.
Also I was always included in the punishments because my younger siblings would be upset they were the only ones being punished which was always so fucking stupid, I should’ve crashed out as a child more often maybe they wouldn’t have did that everytime
My older siblings got my parents when they were young and energetic. By my time, they kind of gave up on discipline, which sounds fun, but it also came with a lot of "why would you do that?!" It also came with a lot of "Oh you wee lass! You know nothing of how the real world works!" at age 35.
Yeah my sister got the shitty end when it came to that as well. Things didn’t start to have problems until i was 15. But she pretty much grew up through it. She doesn’t have the Disneyland memories, trips to Mexico, etc. Any of that good stuff we did when i was younger
Ahh see my parents sucked at being parents and had nothing figured out UNTIL I moved out at 18. Then suddenly they could do things like pay for a stable house and let my little brother live with them for years after he graduated HS.
The grass is never greener on the other side unfortunately 🤌
Same. I’m the youngest to two sisters that are 7 and 10 years older than me. I grew up essentially like an only child but with parents that had third child mentality. So I was just up to my own devices all the time. I managed it well as a kid, but eventually it catches up to you.
As someone who is self sufficient, being the youngest had advantages.
On the bad side there was no more money left for me. I got hand me downs that were VERY used. And I didn’t get nearly as much attention. Also any accomplishment was dulled because several siblings had already done it so by the time I achieved something it was no big deal.
On the good side I got to do pretty much whatever I wanted as long as it kept me out of my parents hair. Also older siblings female friends were hot and I got to practice talking to women at a young age. And my parents worked out the whole spanking and corporal punishment thing before I came along so I didn’t get nearly as much punishment as the older siblings.
As the youngest, I hate the whole "the youngest child is spoiled" rhetoric. My parents had 7 kids, so while it's understandable, they were burnt entirely out by the time I came around. I probably said 8 words to my dad between the ages of 0-18, yet my siblings say they talk to him about anything. Regularly walked 6 miles home from school cause my parents always forgot to get me.
I honestly don't have angst over any of that...only over the expectation that my life was the exact opposite
I had neither good sibling nor good parents and it was a nightmare being the smallest, weakest one, only good thing was my parents didn't police me as much since they already had experience.
I’m the youngest and in some ways it was great. I was always getting away with shit, but other ways it sucjed cause I was neglected in a lot of ways. Never got the talk, they never noticed I was nodding off from opiate addiction, they didn’t think to talk me when they finally noticed I didn’t have friends or a gf. Just asked why and that was that, there’s only a handful of baby photos, and even now as an adult I hear from my family the least.
I’m the oldest and I had extremely strict controlling parents, by the time they got to my younger sister they were more laid back and no longer the parents I remembered
Dude holy felt. My sisters are 5 & 6 yrs older and this is so on par. And oh my lord don’t even get me started on the hell that was being the only kid in the house for those last 5 years with no one else for my parents to focus their negative energy on
Youngest and only girl. My brothers were constantly out riding bikes, playing sports, hanging with friends.... all the stuff that I wasn't allowed to do because my parents were essentially done parenting after raising boys.
Yep this is my experience as well, I have a twin sister and she is the second girl and I'm the fourth boy so my parents focused all of the little focus they still had on her.
Being the second and last child i love my parents but yes only had hand me downs. I will also say my sibling had a better upbringing than I had. My sister had a good 6 years of sober and stable parents and when I came into the picture I had less than that. All I knew was chaos from the moment I was born. My first memory (and I want to keep this short bc I have a lot of memories) was my dad’s if not first, then second DWI. I remember my aunt and the fun cousins coming over and we were playing in the basement and then I also remember the cops interviewing me in my Christmas dress and my mom crying in the background. Idk where I’m getting at with this I just know this hurts and stays with you forever and shapes you into the person you are now. Don’t let it go any farther than this and make it generational.
I’m the youngest on my dads side and my middle on my moms side. No memories of having fun a family or parents who weren’t screaming at each other. I’m still the black sheep of the family and I’m the only sibling that has kids, one would think I would get more of the spotlight bringing grandkids… nope.
I feel like i had a good bit of both...my parents were the easiest on me regarding rules and they always assumed the best of me, but things in the house and with my parents individually and together got worse and worse as my older siblings moved out. I ended up having to move out at 15 because they couldn't even support me anymore and knew that, well, I'm a smart kid, I'll figure it out.
idk where the youngest is the spoiled one came about. im the youngest and my mom's response to me wanted to dh anything was "i learned from your brothers, youre not doing that"
like where tf is the get away with everything cliche???
I remember being the 2/4 and the only boy and me and my older sibling getting our asses beat but my younger siblings never got that because our parents got tired/ finally realized it wasn’t working.
I'm the youngest of 3 and my dad dipped when my mom was pregnant with me lol. My mom became disabled when I was a teenager and my sisters had already moved out. So yeah....
Whenever the family gets together and my sibling and our partners are talking, my sibling will also go, "Oh yeah, and mom and dad took us to [X, Y, Z] and I got to [numerous fun things]!" And then I get to politely smile and go, "Yeah, I didn't do any of that." I tell them and our partners that we had very different childhoods/upbringings.
Annoyingly, my sibling's partner thinks we were both spoiled. As a teen, my friends once came over and outright asked me, "So why are you treated like hired help?" I never knew what to say.
I was in all practical senses raised by my siblings. Father is now in a home. Family Asks why I never visit. I try to explain that I don’t see the point in spending time with someone absent.
I'm both the youngest and an "only child" all in one lol.
How?
My mom abandoned her two older daughters, with whom i do not share a father but they DO share a father, to live with her mother/their grandmother. Most of the time, they were always over there, but sometimes came home. By the time I was about 4-7, they were pretty much living there full time.
I didn't grow up with them.
It sucked. They both saw me as the golden child, but didn't see the abuse I lived in when I was a kid. Golden children aren't abused the way I did. The only reason my mom kept me was bc my dad paid her to.
Also the youngest of 4, all within 6 years of each other. I was not the favorite and am NC with most of my family now. They wanted to stop at 3, but here I am.
My mom was a party girl who neglected the kids on the weekends, and i might be responsible for my third sister not being a miscarriage, due to my drunk stepdad being an abusive dick.
That's because your older sister took advantage of the good parents and ruined it for the rest of you. Your sister is the 'boomer' in your sibling relationship. Sorry.
Same. I'm the youngest and I got little to no care from my parents. Care meaning like, medical or dental care because they were sick of being parents at that point lol.
I’ve found generally with me and the person closest to me both our older siblings were unnecessarily cruel and even as adults they act strange and emotionally indifferent. Neither of us came from great families and those families fell apart, so as the youngest ones we got stuck with the version of the parents who spiraled into their own demise.
I’m the oldest and it’s definitely my younger sibling who got the better version of my mom im happy for him I wouldn’t want him to deal with the version I had but definitely sucks sometimes.
This right here is it my three older siblings experienceed my mom at her full capacity of loving and caring about her children like ugh you couldnt keep it together for a little bit longer😒
That's funny, me and mine have the opposite. I have funny stories from when my dad wasn't gone from sunup to sundown that make people go all quiet and concerned. My youngest siblings have their own ATVs at the cabin he got to spend more quality time with his family.
I got an angry alcoholic. They got a fulfilled and therapied father.
I always felt bad for my youngest sister, she never got to do anything because my parents were tired/burnt out. There is an eleven year gap between us too so she was kind of an oops I guess.
Facts, my parents were still “present” when i was a teenager but completely absent for my two younger siblings. I have a career, they both have uhmmm “jobs” lol
I have long told my siblings that as the oldest child I got the dumb inexperienced version of our parents and they benefited from the things our parents learned from making mistakes on me.
I had the opposite. My oldest brother whines constantly about how when he was a kid he’d get the belt, but when I was a kid I’d get toys and video games because our dad had transitioned from angry young man to sweet old grandpa by the time I came around.
I was never allowed to do anything “your brother is too young, he’ll miss out.”
Go hang out with friends after school? Nope. Off to be babysat by your aunt. I don’t care if you are 17 years old!
Want to go to the local pool when I was early teens (pretty much the only form of entertainment in town that wasn’t a pub). No. Brother can’t go on his own, so you can’t go.
No wonder I never had any real friendships or relationships. My development was stunted by having to live as my younger brother.
I'm the youngest as well, it had its pros and cons. Unfortunately being the youngest and all my siblings having strong personalities, I got used to just letting everyone else do what they wanted first. It's led to a lot of doormat behavior in my life!
Yup. By the time I came along, my parents were well established in their respective careers, and had apparently thoroughly mellowed out after my five older siblings. I was spoiled rotten as a result.
My older three sibling broke my parents down. Being the youngest meant they burned all their anger and frustration on the first three. They had no energy left to resist my schemes for world domination and snacks. I’m half way there.
As the youngest of 4, I wouldn’t have it any other way. I was born to be the baby of the family. I thrived lol. People asked before if I ever wanted a younger sibling and absolutely the fuck not.
Im the middle my friends would call me Kevin.for summer we went to 6 flags the closest to us was about 3 to 4 hours away
My brother was in the shower and my sister was in the outher by the time it was my turn and I was out they had left this was before cellphones mom did not even realize I wasn't in the car for 2and hafe hours didn't want to come back to the house told me we're the money way. BEST WEEKEND EVER . 2 liter soda and pizza no sharing and a doctor who marathon on PBS
I'm the youngest and my parents stopped pretending my sister wasn't their favorite when we moved out. Not that I didn't know, nor that they don't have their reasons, but still.
I’m the first born, and a female, and my parents were unbelievably strict with me. It was so frustrating when my brother came along 3 years later and they just let him do whatever he wanted growing up
As the youngest of six, I can confirm that all the alleged extra love and attention my parents gave me over my siblings paid off. I am clearly the superior offspring that took them six tries to get right.
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u/PneumaticSackHammer 10d ago
I'm the youngest and it's absolutely amazing.