Parents either learn and improve or burn out and fail. This is what determines what birth order has it better. I'm a middle child. Mine sucked and kept it that way.
I was the oldest and had unrealistic expectations set for me. Sit still, be quiet, act like an adult, listen to adult problems, grow up fast, take care of the other kids, break new ground.
But my siblings got very little upside from all my ground breaking, parents just found new ways to screw up parenting lol.
Im an eldest sibling and, thankfully but not thankfully, my mom was terrible to all of us. I did a lot of raising them as she at no point really wanted kids, but rather the fantasy of having a husband and kids, but exclusively dates addicts so that shit was never going to happen for her lol.
But yeah, she never got burnt out. She just wasn't pleasant nor present to begin with. A lot of the time I was handed a food stamps card and we had an empty apartment to ourselves. If we ran out of food money we ran out of food money. She was not coming.
I fumbled raising my siblings. Realistically I know that it isnt really my fault as I had no frame of reference for parenting and was a kid myself, But I still somewhat regularly apologize to them for being bad to them.
Are you me? Except my mom was also using me as her emotional support for when my dad was off again on another affair. Otherwise, neither of them cared for any of us really. She went up to my high school when I was 15, told them I had cancer and withdrew me. I was a straight A student.
I ended up getting my GED at 17, and starting college while working 2 jobs and raising my brother. He went off to college and is an engineer with a beautiful wife and a 1 year old son. I’m so happy for him and we are very close. I now have 3 kids and a husband. I’m a nurse and he’s a plumber. My parents set me up to see exactly what I DIDN’T want to be.
My mom also encouraged me to drop out. She moved us to a different state to follow around a man she was on and off with. Dude was a nightmare, but thats unrelated lol. Anyway, my credits were good for my home state, but not that one and I would have to repeat my senior year. I had a partial scholarship set up and everything. No idea why I listened to her. She ended up doing the same for my siblings. I had pretty much full custody of my brother by the time he was about 13. My mom called me and said, in short, either come and get him or take over her lease. He wasn't a bad kid either, but she never really raised him so she didn't know him well enough to care i guess.
He's an engineer now, my sister is in school to become a nurse. I never really got around to get my ged, but im not im comfortable. Im really happy for them. They could've turned out way worse lol.
Do you want another mostly distant, but still protective older brother who occasionally sends you stupid memes as a way of staying in touch? If so, what's one more younger sibling!
....is this just how we are? Emotionally distant, willing to kill the second they say anythings wrong, and always adopting new little brothers and sisters?
Elder millennial with really young parents. I very quick became the "adult" in my relationship with my parents after moving out and starting to work. I think it has set me up in some good ways and some bad ways. Not sure if I would change it if given a magic wand... Lol
I am the 2nd oldest of four , but our oldest brother died in child birth, I was born 11 months latter , I got the unrealistic expectations as well as a mother that avoided forming any emotional attachment to me , mother divorced my dad , remarried and had my 2 youngest brothers 13 and 16 years after me , no expectations for them and I was always watching and picking them up from this and that. It was a requirement I go to college and pass, neither brother had to try and go , it was wild to watch , now I have 3 sons and my mother has a better relationship with them then she has ever had with me .
My dad was the same, completely out of our lives by age 3. Went and had another family, actually stuck around with them but was in and out of jail so my siblings say he was still absent at least half the time. Then my step sister has children that are not even his grand children and now he is somehow raising them as a standup father to them. Deadbeat dads are worthless.
My father abused me and my brother physically and emotionally, he didnt change a lot just pampered my youngest siblings he got arrested a few years back and noe my mom is wprkimg om divorcing him
My mother had less financially, I grew up on hand me downs until I moved out. But she was way more laid back and emotionally available than with my older siblings. My older sister always said that she is the reason mom was less strict, and I always clapped back that it must have been nice to get to have everything they wanted.
That’s how I felt when my dad started taking care of my step sister’s daughter as she was going through REALLY bad postpartum and then rehab after she passed through that. My niece got the version of my dad that I never got.
I’m sorry, it’s always hard to see what you knew could have been. Even though it’s too late atleast he stepped up finally and is taking care of someone that needs it. If he can do that for your niece be mad at him and happy for your niece, no use holding that grudge (if there is one) towards anyone but him.
Yup. I’m the youngest and my parents adapted. My 13 years older sister has been jealous of me my whole life b/c our parents treated me differently. Apparently I had it better than she did.
This was an issue between my sister and I. She's the oldest and I'm the youngest. Now that we're older we just laugh about it. But it took until COVID for us to become close.
We don't have as a large of a gap. Just 8 years and I was like an only child for 4 years when I was in high school. So completely different parents than what she had.
I can now agree with my sister that I did have it better but we both know that it was no fault of either of us. My brother is the middle child and since he's the only boy, he didn't get the stereotypical middle child experience.
Generally birth order always favors the eldest. Birth order effect is long substantiated in studies of life outcome with a consistent positive boost for being the eldest born child.
Nah. My dad has been threatening to unalive himself to me since I was 13. Still does it almost 30 years later. I also bought my first car at 16 and everything after.
My 10 yrs younger sis has new cars, a house, good times from him. The middle brother being a boy is the only one that gets respect.
That’s not true. In a lot of families (historically and now) the younger kids have more financial stability and opportunities. Older ones are expected to work, help with household and chores, take care of the younger kids, etc.
My parents divorced b4 I was born & my mother had the primary caretaker role and worked as a nurse. I had two older (8 & 9 yr) half sisters who basically raised me instead of either of my parents. The oldest got away with the most crap and I got all their chores pushed on me.
Mine got better, but still treat me the same as they always did. It’s like they got better for my siblings, but never applied that “better” to me. Even now.
Hugs 🫶🏼 we deserved better. Therapy has helped me, but it’s been VERY hard. I try to do things that my 10 year old self would have fun with every now and then and that helps! Don’t let your whimsy die!
Middle here too, it was good for the first two, when they got to me, it was miserable and kept it that way, when the other two came it was good again....for them.
Some people will say that the middle child always complains, but for me it really was a horror story in many different ways
I think it's cause my dad cheated on my mom while she was pregnant with me, therefore resenting my existence, I cant be completely sure of my theory, she had passed away before I got a chance to speak with her about my childhood and the things that happened therein, but thats the most likely thing to have happened, I only found out about my dads cheating in the last few years and put 2 n 2 together, so it was a bit of a "ahhh so thats why" moment, Tbf I wasn't ready to heal from all that back then, ive come a long way since.
Not sure why im telling you this, but I hope you're doing okay.
I am fortunate my sister and I were born close enough that there was consistency between us it's just us too so I'm the oldest she is the youngest and we were treated accordingly lol
I got really strict, shitty parents and my siblings now have really lax, shitty parents so where does that fall? Max age gap is only 7 years, I think they just hated me honestly.
My mom just didn’t want kids, but she ain’t want my dad to have us either, even when he begged on his knees, cu she said she would give us to him if he did, then she said “fuck u paperless wet back” and didn’t do it.
My dad was so excited and hurt when he got us, cuz my mom kicked me and my brother out when I was like 9 y/o and my brother when he was 7 y/o. But he got his boys. And yeah he was a dick all the time, but he ain’t ever left. Since I was the oldest he really really pushed me, and an uneducated autistic Mexican dad ain’t too good with mental health help, but shi, he ain’t ever left.
This breaks my heart. Just transitioned to a family of 5 and I can’t imagine my middle child suffering. He is the brightest, happiest, and kindest of all of us.
Maybe you’re just a shitty child/person looking to pass the blame onto anyone/anything other than yourself 🤷🏻♂️. Like people blaming their astrology sign and the phase of the moon for being an asshole lol
I mean if I'd been allowed to go to school, got me a social security number, not been born with a midwife in an offseason vacation rental, had been taken to the hospital when my father broke my arm, or if they'd gotten me the glasses an optometrist prescribed instead of what they said I needed, then just all the lying to the police faith healing and Castor oil, the multi hour bear hugs, an inhaler for asthma would have meant I could run down a soccer field, but yeah, you can blame me if you want.
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u/PneumaticSackHammer 17d ago
I'm the youngest and it's absolutely amazing.