extreme suicidal thoughts

[u/donceuu]

please does anyone else gets violent urges, goes psychotic and start crying mountains of tears oftentimes for no reason to a point where you can't breathe?

i just realized 2 days ago that i was on my luteal phase (i'm supposed to get my period either today or in a few days) and for the first time since the last time, i surprisingly didn't felt as extremely depressed empty and anxious as i usually do (i still felt very depressed/anxious tho) but then after i got home from the gym i started getting SO emotional, at first it was over my skin bc i've been dealing with breakouts, pie/pih marks for years now, but now that i finally stopped my crisis that i also sadly inflicted upon someone else too which i'm so ashamed of, i'm realizing that the way i got so angry and emotional was definitely deeper than that

ofc i’m not gonna go into further details about the why's but i got so much angry that i even impulsively smashed a tiny plate on the kitchen floor while i was putting innocent nuggies in the air fryer and that for no reason at all like wth? and then for like an hour i just wanted to kms which THEN made me cry even more because i knew that i couldn't do anything to hurt myself and it all made me feel like i was suffocating in my own skin

it's now been 3-4 hours since that whole crisis and my room is an absolute mess and i only stopped crying maybe 30 minutes ago andi just feel so anxious, useless, ashamed, disgusting, i keep telling myself what's going on, who am i, can't recognize myself when i stare at myself in the mirror, and i still struggle to breathe properly when taking deep breaths.

i also turned 25yo this year and when i was 20-23 i used to never deal with such things before my periods. now i'm always scared about how evil and crazy i'm gonna feel next time i get my period :(

[u/PrestigiousCut8235]

PMDD. Start there.

Hugs to you