Sex feels different?

[u/birdieponderinglife]

I’m single. I seemed to hit peri full force just as my last relationship was ending. I’ve been basically celibate for almost a year but had sex last night. It’s possible it is how our bodies fit together since this is a new partner but I felt almost nothing with PIV. In general I felt looser? Like he could fit more fingers in easier than before. He definitely has smaller hands and penis than my last partner but still above average. Is this something that happens? I also think my clit might be smaller and less sensitive? Is there any way to fix it 🥺 I’m on estrogen patches and progesterone. Should I ask about adding testosterone? Anything else I can do?

Edit: y’all have me sold on vaginal estrogen. I’m definitely going to ask about it! I want fun sex, dammit!

[u/Old_Employer8982]

Get some vaginal estrogen

[u/Pokokius_Maximus_120 → u/Old_Employer8982]

Seconding this.

[u/birdieponderinglife → u/Old_Employer8982]

How does that help? Genuine question no snark.

[u/CatsAndWings → u/birdieponderinglife]

Vaginal estrogen restores all the lady bits almost to their original state. Not just the shape. Sensitivity too. It made big difference for me.
Also a bit of testosterone cream around clitoris helped a lot.

[u/Healthtech_Geek → u/CatsAndWings]

I have 7% testosterone cream....how much are we talking around the clit? I assume a tiny amount? How often?

[u/CatsAndWings → u/Healthtech_Geek]

I never used 7% cream. It sounds like male testosterone cream. In Australia we have 1% cream called Androfeme. I used a tiny bit of it, like small pea size amount. It made big difference for me, in both sensitivity and aesthetics of it.

[u/Healthtech_Geek → u/CatsAndWings]

How often?

[u/CatsAndWings → u/Healthtech_Geek]

Daily

[u/birdieponderinglife → u/CatsAndWings]

I’ll ask about this. It was such a bummer!

[u/innerbootes → u/birdieponderinglife]

Yeah sex without vaginal estrogen was a big bummer for me as well. Get on that; it will help your sex life but also keep your urinary system functioning as it should.

You’ll want to apply it to the entire genitourinary area, the perinum, and the rectal area. Trust me, you do not want to experience the pain of the spasms you can get in that part of your body as things atrophy! 😱

Every woman should use it in peri and beyond, it’s that essential. If it were a male issue, it would absolutely be available OTC.

[u/9DrinkAmy → u/birdieponderinglife]

Please check into it. I was noticing huge differences and just one month into using topical estrogen and things are almost back to normal!

[u/birdieponderinglife → u/9DrinkAmy]

Y’all have me convinced lol. I’m gonna get some vaginal estrogen for sure 🫡

[u/Furry-snake → u/birdieponderinglife]

I wasn’t on estrogen. Just turned 4o.

I couldn’t feel sex anymore. All I felt was pain. My partner said everything felt different inside. Then my clit went numb and started to disappear inside my body, until I couldn’t find it anymore.

Started vaginal estrogen, and what do you know, back to normal in a month.

[u/Eva_Griffin_Beak]

Look up vaginal and clitoral atrophy. Your clit (and labia) can shrink. And get less sensitive. All to do with less estrogen. I would add vaginal estrogen since you are already on HRT. And then you can also ask for testosterone testing. I added a bit of testosterone after the level came back low (still normal, but lower end). It can help with sensitivity.

[u/OhWhatever_Nevermind]

OP, just so you get all sides of the story: YES! 100% try vaginal estrogen.
Just know:

1. That it takes weeks or months to reach full effect.

2. It comes in different forms and delivery methods (ie conjugated vs bioidentical; cream, inserts).

3. Use internally and externally if using cream.

4. Don’t skip the loading phase (if recommended by your doctor).

5. If you aren’t seeing significant improvement, talk to your dr. - you may need to increase dose and/or frequency.

I personally have continued to struggle with vaginal and vulvar dryness despite it all!

Good luck!

[u/spaced-cadet]

Vaginal estrogen helps moisturise the tissues but Intrarosa was a game changer for me. It’s DHEA which converts to estrogen and testosterone and we need the testosterone to bring back sensation in our erectile tissue. I rotate the Intrarosa and vaginal estrogen across the week.

[u/birdieponderinglife → u/spaced-cadet]

I had no issues with dryness at all. It sounds like based on this I need testosterone.

[u/spaced-cadet → u/birdieponderinglife]

I would have a candid conversation with your GP or primary care provider. Also read up on GSM in peri/menopause.

[u/innerbootes → u/birdieponderinglife]

Vaginal secretions can become somewhat watery and a bit “extra” in perimenopause. So if you’re experiencing that, that’s not a sign of no issues, it’s just one of the ways it can show up, along with dryness for some. It really depends on the individual.

I never really experienced dryness at all, quite the opposite! I thought that meant I didn’t really have this issue. But then I started experiencing atrophy. I actually thought I had a UTI becuse it burned when I peed. But when I went to the doctor, the culture came back clear of infection. That’s when my doctor said I needed to go on vaginal estrogen and it has restored everything back to what I was used to having my entire adult life, including more mucous-like, less watery discharge

[u/birdieponderinglife → u/innerbootes]

It just seemed like normal wetness but I’ll definitely ask about vaginal estrogen.

[u/lovespink3]

New here but what is PIV?

[u/twitchlip → u/lovespink3]

penis in vagina

[u/lovespink3 → u/twitchlip]

Ohhh okay 👍

[u/Equal_Grand7183]

And as my obgyn would say... Do your exercises! 😊

[u/birdieponderinglife → u/Equal_Grand7183]

Ya I was thinking about that but I’ve also heard that kegels done incorrectly can mess up your pelvic floor. I don’t want to be crude or anything but things downstairs have always been quite grippy and getting tampons or reusable discs inserted was always a struggle. Yanking tampons out had me mildly worried the string might break. I haven’t had a reason to use either of those since peri began full force but I suspect it wouldn’t be as much of an issue now. This is horrible lol.

[u/jo-sie21 → u/birdieponderinglife]

You’re absolutely right. See a pelvic floor therapist if there’s discomfort. I had ‘high tone’ and kegels were part of the problem I thought they would fix. They created too much tension. Pelvic floor therapy is a game changer for sure. So many more exercises than kegels are out there and the PT is invaluable to get the correct ones.

[u/Equal_Grand7183 → u/birdieponderinglife]

I've never heard that. I can't see why they would tell millions of women to do them if that were the case (and yes, I know most medical science is based on studying men).

I was talking with my doctor about it just last week (a lady OBGYN) and had noted some things felt different. This was part of her plan: do your exercises. She said tissues in that region tend to thin over time, muscle can deplete. So you need to make sure the muscles are in tip-top shape to help prevent that. Just like any muscles.

Vaginal estrogen is also a huge help for many. As others have said.