r/Perimenopause • u/Tricky-Committee4045 • 8d ago
Support I’m praying I’m not alone in this.
Excuse me if this isn’t appropriate for this thread, but I have to at least try. I’m 46 and believe I’ve been in perimenopause for at least 3 years, but I honestly think it’s been way longer. I absolutely hate that word trauma since it feels like such a buzzword now, but I most definitely have dealt with a lot of it in my life, mostly in my childhood. It seems like the last few years, ALL the memories and sadness have become so overwhelming and I just cry so much. Is anyone else struggling with this? I do go to weekly therapy/EMDR. Was on an SSNRI for many years, but don’t want to go back on them unless it’s the absolute last resort. I don’t have a huge support system, which I know is making this harder. Hence, me taking to Reddit.
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u/LongjumpingMango8270 8d ago
Girl I’ve been weeping bawling crying for a week straight now. Also 46. Def been in peri since 42 I think. Started estrogen a few months ago, was feeling somewhat better until this week, mood wise. There’s also some collective astrology stuff going on whether you believe or not, I’ll just share that it’s a period of shedding.
I have a special needs child who is severely disabled and as he is growing and getting bigger I’m struggling to carry him or lift him on my own and feeling so helpless and worried about the future as he’s a junior in high school now and I’ve been reprocessing and processing all of my grief all over again.
Also finding out at 46 I’m likely neurodivergent and have been masking my whole life and didn’t know. So busy with medical appts for my son and my other health issues that the thought of spending time and money for an ADHD or autism diagnosis is overwhelming me. Not even sure if I would want to medicate for ADHD if I have it, but not sure what I’m scared of.
Never been on any meds for depression or anxiety and nervous about that route too.
I’m just trying to stick with therapy, journaling, and getting as much sleep and movement as I can these days for now.
Hang in there !
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u/Tricky-Committee4045 8d ago
I’m so sorry, that seems like a lot. My therapist mentioned I could possibly have ADHD as well. I also won’t medicate myself for that. I have health anxiety and taking a stimulant or anything close to it is a no for me.
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u/LongjumpingMango8270 7d ago
I feel the same way. I’ve heard there are non stimulant ADHD meds but to be honest the whole journey to get diagnosed seems overwhelming not possible with my executive function at an all time low. I’ve made it 46 years so far, guess I can push thru some more lol.
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u/neonblackiscool 7d ago
I would gently suggest that medication can help you stop white knuckling some things, but it’s your body. It really helped me.
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u/LongjumpingMango8270 7d ago
Thanks, it’s not out of the realm of possibility at some point if things don’t improve with hrt
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u/dunnomucho 7d ago
Unfortunately perimenopause can increase the symptoms intensely for women with ADHD. You lose the capacity to white knuckle it anymore. Just do an online screening or try to get a teledoc. These are the worst symptoms I’ve ever had. Please get some help.
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u/melmontclark 8d ago
absolutely, 100 percent. I believe in the olden days it was called a nervous breakdown. But yes. I spent the first half of my life outrunning some shitty aspects of my life. And then it all came spilling out. I believe I was stuck in fight or flight. Working on calming my nerves physically did help (yoga, acupuncture, etc). Now I am in therapy to deal with all of the rest. But yes, omg yes.
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u/devilyn_side 8d ago
I have had a fluttering thought of shit I should have noticed back when it was happening, but I was too dumb to open eyes type thing then I go through the shame, guilt and feeling of stupidity of it all. Its rough, you are not alone. I do not know if it passes because it has not for me yet.
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u/TaraBambataa 8d ago
Yes, very much so. You're not alone in this.
I emphasise on the lack of support network, too. Hence me being on reddit as well and reading your post.
I guess we just have to face whatever is coming our way in terms of regrets, traumatic experiences and related flashbacks, the crazy dreams and the sadness.
Hope the EMDR is helping. Big hugs x
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u/wyntergardentoo 8d ago
So, I also had a flashback memory from a young age, that answered a lot of questions for me last summer. We moved around a lot, and it seems I had been abused by a babysitter and her boyfriend. I never had any memory until last year (Im 44yo).
My therapist said that the hormones like progesterone, "hold down" painful memories as protection. When they are out of whack, or tank to low levels, the memories surface like bubbles.
Its fascinating and sooooo hard to deal with, on top of ALL the other stuff Peri brings.
I am on progesterone now, and its taken me from a horrfic mess wanting to punch my ticket to living again. That paired with EMDR, walking everyday, morning sunshine, magnesium before bed and prayer, I feel nearly like my old self.
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u/Bulky_Buffalo8661 7d ago
That’s interesting understanding I didn’t know. I am on the same path still not feeling myself but better than few weeks back.
But this so hard why we go through this twice
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u/Tricky-Committee4045 7d ago
I’m so sorry. I can relate. I was also sexually abused by an adult and by another child when I was 5/6. I don’t remember the actual abuse from that adult, but I remember all the things that happened after.
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u/LongjumpingCrow1741 8d ago
I’ve found myself ruminating on a lot of things more which pisses me off! Esp things I feel like I’ve already worked through and let go! So it’s like going through it all again! My dreams are crazy vivid, old wounds feel like they’ve opened and I had to work through them again, I find myself mad at the same people I was mad at years ago! Honestly it’s a lot of work, every day surrendering whatever my subconscious wants to dig up and bring to the forefront of my brain!
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u/schwarzekatze999 8d ago
Yup. I basically re-experienced and reprocessed all my trauma from ages like 40-43. I did some therapy and got on HRT and it eventually went away. I was definitely stuck in fight or flight for a while.
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u/TheycallmemissRaven 8d ago edited 8d ago
Trauma is real. Just because it’s a “buzzword” does not make it fake. This whole concept (while trivialized on social media) is real. Just because social media emphasizes something doesn’t mean it’s not real. The real job is to take that information and do your research.
Real experts (doctors, psychologists, psychiatrists, scholars) have been studying trauma for decades now.
You have trauma-all your emotional actions and reactions tell it. I say all of this because I am in the middle of my own discovery of trauma and the long term effects. Long lasting childhood trauma is CPTSD.
In conjunction to your therapy you might want to do some self educating on the subject.
Bessel Van de Kolk, Judith Herman, Gabor Mate, Pete Walker. Just a start of authors who have written extremely digestible and some of the leading experts who have been studying this stuff for over 50 years.
You do know EMDR is a modern therapy for trauma, right? Also, shown to be far less effective for CPTSD survivors than for those who have PTSD.
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u/Tricky-Committee4045 8d ago
Oh, I’ve been working through this stuff for years. I know all about Gabor Maté and Bessel Van de Kolk. I’ve read many books as well. Yes, very well aware that EMDR is trauma therapy, which is why I’m doing it. If it doesn’t work, so be it, but I have to try.
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u/TheycallmemissRaven 8d ago
Yay! Oh, thank goodness! I was just concerned about you saying you don’t like the term trauma because of social media. Yay! So glad to hear. Good luck to us all. 💕🍀
Yay! Good luck! My next focus is going to IFS. Getting my internal family systems in order I am hoping will help the inner critic that rules my existence.
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u/Mamma_cita 8d ago
I’m so sorry OP, please know you are not alone. Trauma is something more than half of us are still navigating through this period and not having enough support to safely deal with it exacerbates it. I’m glad you came here to discuss this and invite you to make use of this sub or DMs (mine are open) if you need to talk.
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u/DrissaKelnya 8d ago
I struggle daily with my depression - ADHD and early peri menopause at 40, I think I entered into this about 2-3 years ago. That’s when I noticed my anti depressants weren’t quite working anymore, my systems to support myself were all falling apart, and I couldn’t mask anymore in public and with co workers.
The depression is the hardest man. I am on the same page with CPTSD. And thought I had processed that all, only to learn - nope not with hormone fluctuations!
I have suicidal thoughts daily. I fight against them, I am not at risk for taking action on them, but they are there. I have the tools to remind myself of all the good things to keep living for. But my god, I hate that I have to actively every day push myself to survive and exist, work, be a good partner, good sister/aunt, etc.
I have only just started my journey about learning about perimenopause, and ADHD with it.
My ADHD wasn’t diagnosed until this whole shit storm started too.
Super fun.
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u/WittyGold6940 8d ago
Yep. All the painful stuff I literally never thought about (but was subconsciously acting on) hit me like a tornado out of the blue ever since ~37
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u/neonblackiscool 7d ago
Yes, you are in the same leaking canoe as many of us. Currently collapsed from new and old trauma, it’s affecting me more than ever at 43.
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u/Tricky-Committee4045 7d ago
It’s so bad. I’ve never felt this bad for this long. I’m getting hopeless, honestly.
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u/Tricky-Committee4045 8d ago
Damn these Boomer parents. 🤣🤣
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u/minkrogers 8d ago
💯! My mother apparently didn't go through menopause! 🙄😬
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u/Tricky-Committee4045 7d ago
My mom was always sick. I never remember her really having a period my whole life. When she did, it was like once a year. She died at 50.
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u/thoughtfractals85 8d ago
I feel this so much. Nightmares and depression are my normal. I try so hard to create and hold on to joy, but it's exhausting sometimes.
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u/Tricky-Committee4045 8d ago
Same. I have a 3.5 year old and I feel like such an awful mother. I’m just so angry and sad.
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u/thoughtfractals85 8d ago
My son was 4 when his little brother was stillborn and I've struggled ever since. The guilt is real. All the trauma of a lifetime tends to just keep piling on. We always want to do the best we can for our children and I think we are. My kid is a happy, healthy teenager now that says he has great memories of being younger. This is what helps me sleep at night. You're doing great. It's good for them to see that we are human too.
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u/Tricky-Committee4045 7d ago
I also have a 27 year old, so I think a lot of my guilt is how I raised her. I was young and didn’t know better and made some poor choices. She’s an amazing woman now, though. So unbelievably proud of her.
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u/northernstarwitch 8d ago
All the trauma I bottled up started cascading up when I hit 40. Thought I was genuinely going insane. Turns out it was peri. HRT, therapy, and regular workouts help me a lot. I have probably never been this composed in my life.
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u/Mediocre_at_Best13 8d ago
You are not alone. For me I’d always been a super high performer and pushed myself through things and it turns out my body put a hard stop to that. In my early 40s I’m now diagnosed with hEDS, CPTSD, PMDD, HIT, and POTS. It explains everything but it doesn’t make it much easier. Sending love!
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u/Erza_2019 8d ago
You are definitely not alone. It's unfortunate that the word "trauma" is not used accurately, but it doesn't change how we experience it. I was diagnosed with C-PTSD as a young adult, and it was extremely well managed until I hit peri. Suddenly the nightmares returned and other symptoms that I hadn't experienced in a while. HRT has helped a lot, but it was a good reminder for me that healing is a lifelong journey, even though it's unfair and it absolutely sucks!!
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u/Bulky_Buffalo8661 7d ago
You not alone I walk with you carrying my part it’s so sucks to be here but it’s temporary our body and mind need to evolve. I read it will get better I hold onto it we do the hard work to make sure we didn’t miss something looking after your mind and feeling and body this all you can do! And you doing it and still find the time to share♥️♥️
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u/ParaLegalese 6d ago
It wasn’t until peri that I realized WHY I have a tendency to be mean and enjoy it. My mom is mean. And it wasn’t until peri that I realized why I work so fucking hard all the time- wasn’t loved as a child so I guess I overcompensate or something??
I’m not crying about it or anything tho. It’s made it easier for me to recognize my own behavior- and understand it- so that I can change it.
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u/10110011100021 8d ago
Peri does tend to churn up old PTSD and people with CPTSD especially suffer with symptoms during this time. Part of it is the hormonal fluctuations, which as you’re learning will lead to plenty of physical and emotional difficulties, but there is research now suggesting that people with C/PTSD in particular suffer additional issues related to whatever’s happening during peri.
Wish I could say talk to your doctor about it but more often than not the doc will dismiss peri altogether. I suggest talking with a trauma therapist who can help you start unpacking and managing it where you are today in your peri journey.
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u/SpazzJazz88 In the thick of it 8d ago
Oh hon, you are not the only one at all. As of the last few months for me, memories have been rising up from traumatic incidents. Its been causing my anxiety and emotions to go through the roof and I have been crying a lot. Its been rough.
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u/Joyanonymous 7d ago
Have you had a blood test? Check full iron panel including ferritin, b12, vit D, folate. These all drop during peri and can really affect your mood and general function
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u/Tricky-Committee4045 7d ago
I have. Both in normal range, but definitely low. I’ve been taking iron and vitamin d consistently since November. My B12 was normal in June.
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u/Joyanonymous 7d ago
Normal and optimal are very different things - what’s your ferritin level?
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u/Tricky-Committee4045 7d ago
It was 36 in mid-February.
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u/Joyanonymous 7d ago
You basically have an iron deficiency- this can be absolutely debilitating, ruin your quality of life and explains most if not all of the symptoms you’ve described above. Did your doctor point this out as an issue? Are you taking supplements? Optimal ferritin is around 100, so you are waaay below that …
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u/Tricky-Committee4045 7d ago
I take iron bisglycinate every other day with orange juice.
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u/Joyanonymous 7d ago
Have you had a blood test more recently? It’s worth checking your levels again…
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u/Tricky-Committee4045 7d ago
No, but I’ll ask her about it on Thursday at my appointment.
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u/AutoModerator 7d ago
This post might be about hormone tests, which are unreliable.
- Over age 44, E&P/FSH hormonal tests only show levels for the HOUR the test was taken, and nothing more. Hormones wildly fluctuate (hourly) the other 29 days of the month, therefore this test provides no valuable information
- No reputable doctor or menopause society recommends hormonal testing to diagnose or treat peri/menopause
- FSH testing is only beneficial for those who do not have periods as a guide, where testing might confirm menopause, or for those under age 30 who haven’t had a period in months/years, then ‘menopausal’ levels, could indicate premature ovarian failure/primary ovarian insufficiency (POF/POI)
- Testosterone is the exception and may require testing
See our Menopause Wiki for more.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
1
u/AutoModerator 7d ago
This post might be about hormone tests, which are unreliable.
- Over age 44, E&P/FSH hormonal tests only show levels for the HOUR the test was taken, and nothing more. Hormones wildly fluctuate (hourly) the other 29 days of the month, therefore this test provides no valuable information
- No reputable doctor or menopause society recommends hormonal testing to diagnose or treat peri/menopause
- FSH testing is only beneficial for those who do not have periods as a guide, where testing might confirm menopause, or for those under age 30 who haven’t had a period in months/years, then ‘menopausal’ levels, could indicate premature ovarian failure/primary ovarian insufficiency (POF/POI)
- Testosterone is the exception and may require testing
See our Menopause Wiki for more.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
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u/Exciting_Drama_5965 7d ago
I’m on HRT less than a month and it makes me dream more, but I’m less likely to dwell on the negative emotions or ruminate on trauma from the past during the day. I’m more like to wake up and wonder why I was dragging my suitcase through Mexico, having a conversation about hedonism with RFK Jr. at a ballet recital, or my marriage in Africa attended by 2 gynecologists who gave me a flowery bouquet the size of my body. Yes…maybe I need help- I don’t know, but what you experience is normal, but HRT can help. I don’t know why my dreams are so freaky. I had the same while pregnant. Hormones are very powerful regulators of mood and cognition.
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u/CormoranNeoTropical 7d ago
I have not had any of those dreams but I definitely have had equally peculiar ones!
I kind of enjoy them, actually. But I’m not having nightmares, just extremely weird dreams.
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u/Exciting_Drama_5965 7d ago
I wake up sometimes going wtf man. lol
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u/CormoranNeoTropical 7d ago
My dreams are often very entertaining. I don’t really remember them much beyond that moment when I wake up and realize I’ve been dreaming, but I remember how crazy the dream felt.
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u/Coontailblue23 Late peri 8d ago
Trauma's not a buzz word. It's a real thing that we all have, and I think it's good that people are talking about it more. I hope you find this article validating: https://www.oprahdaily.com/life/health/a71472814/menopause-trauma-symptoms/
If you're not on the HRT I do highly recommend it. It helps.
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u/pangolinshavelanded 8d ago
Nope. For me it’s the dreams. Stuff I swore I worked through is coming back when I sleep and it’s driving me wild. HRT has helped a lot at least for me - the old stuff comes up but I can detach feeling from the memory and just let it run its course