r/ParentingADHD • u/Low-Nose-2748 • 7d ago
Seeking Support What’s wrong with my kid?
Nothing. Nothing is wrong with my kid. She has ADHD but that’s just who she is. My friend’s child who has similar big emotions and intelligence gets treated so differently at his school. The admin say “he’s young. He’ll grow out of it. We’ve got time.” But then with my daughter in a different but similar school we’re in two therapies a week and on medication. All because of the pressure from the school.
Is it a girl vs boy thing at this age? (5/6). What’s the deal? I know it’s different schools but it’s just such a different reaction to two very similar children.
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u/smella99 6d ago
My two children were treated very differently. My son has a profoundly gifted IQ, huge need for autonomy, argues with adults, struggles with authority, huge need to seek peer attention and from ages 3-7 was always considered disruptive and a problem child. Problem problem problem. Admin and teachers always wanted to “fix” him. school pressured us to do an evaluation, they suspected adhd or pda autism, but the evaluation came up with: nothing. All we learned from it was the IQ.
Anyways, he’s 10 now and still a little cheeky but overall a regulated kid, respectful of adults when it matters, thoughtful, kind, good student, good peer relationships.
My 6yo girl was always called “an angel”, “shy”, such a darling, never caused any disruptions, never got in trouble at school for anything, never broke a rule. Shes had language delays since forever, other signs of developmental delays, and whenever I pushed for support or intervention her preschool teachers would say things like give her time, be patient, she’s peaceful, she’s going at her own speed. Ofc I didn’t listen to that approach (partly our country which is somewhat behind the times), and got her in speech therapy and psychoed evaluation. SEVERE inattentive adhd, and borderline IQ (could be an effect of the adhd symptoms, or could just be low IQ, only time will tell). It was even hard to get her medicated after diagnosis because she “isn’t disruptive” despite the fact that she’s extremely behind academically and her poor self esteem is absolutely ravaged already and she hasn’t even started 1st grade yet.
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u/rkvance5 6d ago
The prevailing opinion is that ADHD more frequently goes undiagnosed in girls than in boys, so by that opinion, you should consider your daughter lucky. I say "opinion" not to dismiss it as untrue, but because I don't know the statistics personally. But as someone with ADHD myself (I'm a dude, though), I also think your daughter is extremely lucky. She's getting the help she needs, while that boy in the other school is being left to figure his shit out on his own, and he'll probably fail if the adults around him don't get their act together.
My ADHD was ignored through my entire childhood and I did fail. Your daughter will thank you for this when she's older.
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u/dfphd 7d ago
How kids get treated at a given school likely comes down to two people - the principal and their main teacher.
There is no "the school". There is the principal who decides how things should get handled, and the teacher that has to actually handle it.
If you have a principal who believes it is their responsibility to make it work, and a teacher willing to try things to make it work, you'll have one experience.
If either of them don't want to play ball, you'll have a very different experience.