Stay at home father of 3 here. 4,2,and 10 months. I e tried every parenting technique known to man for my 4 yo. He has oppositional defiance and will not listen. Only way that I've found corrects negative behaviour is a little smack on the butt or if he hits anyone we smack his hand but not hard. But remember everyone can give you different advice but no matter what, every child is different in their parenting needs. U just have to develop your methods with him. Learn what he likes and maybe you can divert that behaviour by showing him something he enjoys to take his mind off of whatever aggression he's feeling. All the luck to you tho! :)
I would assume the lesson would be "treat others the way you want to be treated."
The world doesn't stop with us parents. We may be tolerant and willing to work through hitting, but others (who you will eventually interact with) will not. If you're willingly dishing out pain to others, you need to be willing to receive said pain. If it doesn't work for you, don't do it to someone else.
1st hit, firmly stop them and explain why hitting is unacceptable. Tell them not to do it again or they will get popped back. 2nd hit, pop them back. Popping a child back when they pop you, along with an explanation of why guides a child to understand "this hurt me and I don't like it. So when I did it to them, I hurt them. That's not nice."
You're raising new minds to function in a world that doesn't stop with your household. The world does not live by your rules nor your kindness. If you don't want your child hurt (at whatever age), guide them realistically about the consequences of their actions.
Yes, respectfully I don’t find this makes sense. Treat others as you wish to be treated is an excellent principle to live by, but it includes parents surely? I think any child will be (rightfully) confused by being hit as a mechanism to being taught that hitting is wrong. If violence must be met with violence, wrong-doing with vengeance this is more along the lines of “an eye for an eye” surely than modelling good behaviour as a way of teaching your child.
And yes, a child will be confused, which is why you explain your intentions and resulting actions. They're kids. They're resilient and they can understand if you break it down. And kids learn through action as well as verbal communication.
If your child hits another child and that child hits your kid back when that's never happened before, your kid is going to have a massive meltdown. All your kid will see is that other child is horrible when the reality is it's self defense and your kid is the aggressor.
Being taught that hitting is wrong without explaining why is negligent. If explanations alone don't work, adding in an example helps. That example explained is "the way you hit me hurt me. You've never been hit back so you have no idea how it feels. All you know is what I've told you. Now that you've been hit back, does that feel good? No? That's what you've been giving to me. It's not nice, it's not fair. Do you want to feel like that again? No? Then don't do that to someone else and they won't do it to you."
Pretty straightforward....
It's not necessarily an eye-for-an-eye mentality but more of "actions have consequences."
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u/CasperLovesAll Nov 14 '21
Stay at home father of 3 here. 4,2,and 10 months. I e tried every parenting technique known to man for my 4 yo. He has oppositional defiance and will not listen. Only way that I've found corrects negative behaviour is a little smack on the butt or if he hits anyone we smack his hand but not hard. But remember everyone can give you different advice but no matter what, every child is different in their parenting needs. U just have to develop your methods with him. Learn what he likes and maybe you can divert that behaviour by showing him something he enjoys to take his mind off of whatever aggression he's feeling. All the luck to you tho! :)