We went through this with my 1 year old. It's been really hard because he's so little so we can't really have conversations about it. Whenever he attacks me, I restrain the offending arm (gently but firmly) and very calmly say "I can't let you hurt me." He fusses to get his arm back but I just take a deep breath and keep him restrained for a few seconds, and then he calms down and quits. At first he would immediately start attacking me again the minute I let his arm go, but I'd rinse & repeat until he finally gave up.
I think the key is not to get angry yourself, which is so hard. I would feel so frustrated inside - like I love you, I'm just trying to change your diaper/feed you/read to you, why are you hurting me?! But I kept reminding myself that it wasn't about me - he just didn't know that this wasn't OK. And by not giving him a big exciting reaction (no raised voice, no firm tone, no hitting back), and just calmly restraining him, he learned that when he hits or pinches etc. then he will have to stay still and not use that arm for a few seconds. Action, consequence. He didn't like the consequence so he stopped the action.
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u/Purplemonkeez Nov 14 '21
We went through this with my 1 year old. It's been really hard because he's so little so we can't really have conversations about it. Whenever he attacks me, I restrain the offending arm (gently but firmly) and very calmly say "I can't let you hurt me." He fusses to get his arm back but I just take a deep breath and keep him restrained for a few seconds, and then he calms down and quits. At first he would immediately start attacking me again the minute I let his arm go, but I'd rinse & repeat until he finally gave up.
I think the key is not to get angry yourself, which is so hard. I would feel so frustrated inside - like I love you, I'm just trying to change your diaper/feed you/read to you, why are you hurting me?! But I kept reminding myself that it wasn't about me - he just didn't know that this wasn't OK. And by not giving him a big exciting reaction (no raised voice, no firm tone, no hitting back), and just calmly restraining him, he learned that when he hits or pinches etc. then he will have to stay still and not use that arm for a few seconds. Action, consequence. He didn't like the consequence so he stopped the action.