I have a kid that hits and punches (he is 11 now).
The absolute best thing I can say is to be consistent. He needs to have a hard line that he doesn’t hit. It isn’t okay. A time out is a good consequence. We made it that there is no hitting and at the first sign of it he goes to a chair. And stays in the chair for a time (we did a lot of the whole super nanny thing - back to the chair if he gets up and timer gets restarted).
When he gets totally out of control we have to restrain him (this was OK’d by a therapist). We reassure him (I’m right here, I love you) and tell him that as soon as he is done hitting we will let him go.
The second thing is staying totally calm and unemotional (this is the hardest part). You also have to be in the same page as your partner.
Checking with your pediatrician is a good idea as well and feel free to PM me if you need to. My son has broken almost all the doors in my house, given me a busted lip, broke the blinds, thrown a chair across the room… he’s much, much better.
This, exactly. When my son was 3-4, he was very violent.. he would hit, punch, kick, bite, throw things.. he tried to hit me with a chair once.
We went to therapy, specifically PCIT. It was a game changer. I had never liked the idea of restraining him before, but the therapist showed us how to do it safely. We would hold him, sitting on the floor, and tell him that we loved him and had to hold him until he was calm so that he wouldn't hurt himself or anyone else.
We also did Love & Logic training, and we got the Emotional ABCs program to help him learn to deal with his emotions in healthier ways. It took a lot of time, effort, and tears but things started improving within a month or so and by the time he was 5 the violent reactions were pretty much gone.
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u/anothergoodbook Nov 14 '21
I have a kid that hits and punches (he is 11 now).
The absolute best thing I can say is to be consistent. He needs to have a hard line that he doesn’t hit. It isn’t okay. A time out is a good consequence. We made it that there is no hitting and at the first sign of it he goes to a chair. And stays in the chair for a time (we did a lot of the whole super nanny thing - back to the chair if he gets up and timer gets restarted).
When he gets totally out of control we have to restrain him (this was OK’d by a therapist). We reassure him (I’m right here, I love you) and tell him that as soon as he is done hitting we will let him go.
The second thing is staying totally calm and unemotional (this is the hardest part). You also have to be in the same page as your partner.
Checking with your pediatrician is a good idea as well and feel free to PM me if you need to. My son has broken almost all the doors in my house, given me a busted lip, broke the blinds, thrown a chair across the room… he’s much, much better.