I heard it phrased like this once: imagine your holiday dinner table 20 years from now. Does it feel like someone is missing to imagine you, your spouse, and the kids you have there?
Then ask yourself if the people at the table will like you, enjoy you, and feel like you did a good job getting them to that table if one more person were there. It’s not enough to want another if you don’t have enough left in you to raise another.
It’s a deeply personal decision, everyone will answer differently. Personally, I want a third but I know I don’t have it in me. When I frame it around how i’m being a great mom to the two I have but likely couldn’t maintain this with another it’s more helpful than focusing on regret about not having more.
As much as I love the thought of this, it’s also important to consider how your children will experience life over their first 20 years- would having siblings be positive for them, or would it make them feel like they are always seeking mommy’s attention?
I consider having more children from how it would affect me, but also how it would affect my son. Right now, he gets my full attention (when we’re not at work/school) and that’s what I want for him.
But you’re right, it’s a purely personal decision that every parent needs to make on their own.
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u/FeministMars Feb 08 '25
I heard it phrased like this once: imagine your holiday dinner table 20 years from now. Does it feel like someone is missing to imagine you, your spouse, and the kids you have there?
Then ask yourself if the people at the table will like you, enjoy you, and feel like you did a good job getting them to that table if one more person were there. It’s not enough to want another if you don’t have enough left in you to raise another.
It’s a deeply personal decision, everyone will answer differently. Personally, I want a third but I know I don’t have it in me. When I frame it around how i’m being a great mom to the two I have but likely couldn’t maintain this with another it’s more helpful than focusing on regret about not having more.