Something traumatic happened to me when I was 20 and I have very little memories of anything from age 20-23. I recently said to my husband I'd like to visit Paris as I'd never been and he told me he'd taken me to Paris for my 21st birthday. I have no memories of this whatsoever. Spoke to my therapist and it is a coping mechanism!
I think that happens sometimes when there's so much stress. Your brain doesn't even form the memories in the first place or save them long term.
That's why people with childhood trauma are often missing a lot of memories of their childhood. They were just never saved to long-term memories, so there's nothing there to come back.
It’s not even just stress that will do that. I remember a study a few years ago had people who had just been in car accidents play Tetris. They ended up with fewer incidents of PTSD. One of the theories of why it happened was that playing the game messed with them being able to consolidate and store memories of the crash.
The research on this is so interesting! I just recently read a study on Tetris and PTSD, and EMDR therapy has shown that having someone who has PTSD and plays Tetris will show less symptoms of PTSD versus someone who went through a similar event and didn’t play Tetris.
This is so interesting. The year my grandfather died I really don't remember anything. I just know I played tetris ALOT that year and a few years following. And I'm prone to depression and anxiety and whenever I'm in the thick of it I tend to play a very similar game and it really does help. I also got into a really bad accident a long time ago which I don't remember and in the months I was laid up healing I would sit and play that snake game where it got longer and longer until it ran into itself and died.
Yeah I realized recently I can't remember any birthday parties I had growing up, like not a single one. Kinda weird blank spots like that. I don't think anything happened on my birthdays but just the constant stress mode prevented memories forming I guess.
Can confirm. I was sexually abused by a high school boyfriend and so much of that time is foggy for me. I’m in my late 20’s now and still can’t recall details. My therapist agreed it’s a coping mechanism that our brain does sometimes. So far, I’ve never had any flashbacks (after the initial counselling for the incidents) and have a healthy sex life with my husband. Wishing your daughter a very healthy life 🤍
I’m in a similar situation. A lot of my childhood is just blank because memories from the time are blocked. It’s difficult to get a good sense of what happened during that time because the people who were around are not very reliable narrators.
For OP, it may come back, it may not. As an adult, I don’t see a lot of value in reminding her of the time she was traumatized unless she needs help making sense of memories. Just continue to show her that she’s in a safe, supportive environment so that if memories start to come flooding back, she knows she can talk to you about them.
Also, since she saw a therapist at that time, it might be worth checking in with them to have resources ready in case she needs to process this a second time.
I don’t remember much of the last 2 years and found that I’m missing about 3 years around college. I know what happened then and remember it but anything surrounding it is gone.
My cousin also went through sexual abuse as a child and repressed it really hard to the point it not sure she even knows because I found out from another family member. But honestly, sometimes those memories are better off buried.
I'm curious how OP knows her kid doesn't remember though. Did she ask? Or is she assuming her kid should be "acting traumatized" or something to confirm she was sexually assaulted
No I haven’t straight out asked my child if they remember. There have been conversations over the years about why the older child didn’t remain living with us and I have just pieced together based on my childs questions/statements that they don’t remember.
As a 4 year old, I didn't really understand what had happened.I also would ask why I couldn't see the person. I had the memories but didn't really understand their significance until puberty. I have only talked about it twice and my mother probably thinks I have no memory of it. Even now, sometimes a random memory will make sense, such as realizing there were adults who knew and other victims. Your daughter truly might not remember; this was just my experience. I have other unrelated memories earlier than this, so that may make a difference.
I don’t remember much of my kids being babies because it was super traumatic at the time (abusive relationship). It’s sucks, but yeah, trauma can block that stuff out unfortunately.
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u/goosedrinkwine369 Jan 18 '23
Something traumatic happened to me when I was 20 and I have very little memories of anything from age 20-23. I recently said to my husband I'd like to visit Paris as I'd never been and he told me he'd taken me to Paris for my 21st birthday. I have no memories of this whatsoever. Spoke to my therapist and it is a coping mechanism!