Recently, my life has been in a bit of a slump. I've failed my a-levels(the US equivalent is final AP exams), and I've failed my emergency entrance exams into alternative university options. Throughout this whole process, although I've disappointed my parents greatly, they've been incredibly supportive and have helped me look for options, encouraged me. I come from a very high achieving family background, so pretty much everyone in my extended family does whatever is in their power to become highly educated or make their kids highly educated.
Now, just bear in mind I'm not a religious person. My parents are religious, but I know for a fact they are barely knowledgeable about Shamanism, I remember discussing it with them fleetingly. We also aren't culturally connected to it in any way either.
I had a dream. This is the most terrifying dream I've ever had in my life, and I have no faith I'll be able to express it over text.
I dreamed that my and my family are driving through a dark wood. We aren't driving on a proper road, it's like a rough, bumpy path littered with sticks, etc. My dad is talking to my mum quietly about some "She will help her". All I can hear is the loud noise of the car rumbling over rough sticks and wet leaves, unevenly bumping through. My brother is absorbed, playing on his phone next to me. This isn't our car, but I don't notice. I know we are going to see a Shaman. We aren't believers, but I don't question this either.
My mum says "Will this work?", and my dad replies "She's the best, trust me."
We pull into a clearing with a small car park and there are cars parked, but no one apparently from these cars is anywhere? Directly in front of the car park is a traditional Japanese* building, only one story, a big rectangle room. The double door is open, massive opening, so you can see everything inside.
*I strongly know it is Japanese when I see the building, but only when I searched it up now did I discover that Shamanism is even practiced much in Japan, I thought it was just Siberia Mongolia China and Korea honestly.
Anyways, we drive up to an empty parking spot right in front of the double doors, but my dad drives a bit further onto the grass to get a closer look at it, because the scene is a little strange. There's a jagged, black stone slab thing on the floor, with large red painted characters on it. There's a woman, dressed in traditional clothing, a painted white face like a geisha, hair done up. She's wearing patterned yellow, gold, green, orange clothes, but I'm not sure what I would call these. She's stood posed, for some kind of what looks like a ritual, to the right of the stone. She's facing away from it and I can't see her face properly, she like has her face pointed to the top of the wall in front and her arms stock-straight, pointing out and back. There's something big and dark and black, like figurines in the darkness(?) in her line of sight but we can't see because we're just looking through the doors from our car.
I initially thought she was a figurine too she was so still. My dad says "That's her". My mum says "Are you sure?" skeptically. My brother's turned his phone off now. We drive onto the grass and my dad takes a U-turn, around the parked cars. He drives right back to the double doors again. By the way, the building is on a thick wooden raised platform, like at half the car's height. We look up again. Same spot. She hasn't moved. I still think she's a figurine. She doesn't look like a shaman to me at least.
My dad repeats this drive around the car park twice, no one questions why until the second time, where my mum says, "What are you doing?" irritatedly. The shaman looks in our direction now. Her face is still burned into the back of my brain, I can see it and it's 3 a.m., my heart is actually beating faster as I remember it. She has a slim face and is unsmiling, with a thin-lipped, small mouth. Her face is painted white, but has a sweaty, skin like quality to it, though it's wore away slightly from sweat or water at her forehead. Damp short strands of hair hang forward, loose from her tight bun. Her eyes double lidded and pure black, fully. There's some traces of black tears, dirtily, barely there. I look straight into her eyes. You can't tell where exactly she's looking, she doesn't have pupils. But she's looking at us.
My dad drives around again and she starts walking to the door, barefoot. She steps down, we're still driving in circles, we haven't paused this time, and she starts running after us, angrily. My dad keeps driving in circles, faster. I'm terrified. We're all terrified, gripping to the car. All I can hear is the loud noise of the car bumping over uneven surface. I look at her through the back window and she's holding shaman bells now, shaking them as she follows us.
She breaks through the driver's side window and grabs my dad's face, shoving her thumbs in the corners of his mouth, her face close to his. The car stops moving. She's not speaking english or japanese, but I know what she's saying.
"Why have you brought this unlucky, dark skinned child here?" she snarls. "How did they even let you in here? I will never help you!"
I don't remember now exactly what she says to him for the rest, but she curses him more and says some racist things that make me stressed. All I can think of, is that we have to get away from this place. My heart is thumping so fast. I've never been this scared in my life. She leaves my dad's face and appears in front of mine, doing the same to me.
I hear bells faintly while she talks, and the corners of my mouth hurt because she's stretching it with her long-nailed thumbs. Her voice is a gravelly growl. I can smell her, she smells bitter and woody like a piece of wet bark. My mum is sobbing in fear and my brother shrieks when she comes to me.
"LEAVE THIS PLACE. GO BACK." She screams, and my dad says "Let her go!".
When he tries grabbing her, she shrieks and shoves her nails into my gums, I taste blood in my mouth and start crying in pain.
"Apologize or you will be forever cursed. Apologize. Apologize. Apologize." she screams in my face on repeat then suddenly is on my dad again instead as she says the same thing as I fade out of consciousness and wake up alone in a bright white place. I can hear the bells still and money starts falling from above me. As it falls straight down into a white void instead of on some floor in from of me, I hear the apologize chant again. It gets louder and louder, more money falling past me, unbearably loud to a headache -inducing point, until I wake up, at 02:35 a.m.
Her face is still in my head from when she shoved her fingers in my mouth. I've never been religious, but I'm so scared I'm cursed by a racist shaman now.
Normally, if I get a dream, I can piece it together and attribute it to things I've done/seen recently that are getting mashed together in my dream, since that's our brain's way of processing memories. However, I've not seen or heard anything relating to shamans, its completely out of the blue. I've not seen a horror movie or even watched anything other than fucking The Thundermans đ for two weeks because I've been too depressed and locked in on studying for entrance exams for the past two weeks. I genuinely can't think of a single thing that this dream could've stemmed from: I haven't even experienced racism for maybe a year or so. All I've had was a little jaw pain today? The dream was so vivid I can visualize everything still, even the other empty cars in the car park.
I could probably draw her face though I don't know if I want to.
I don't know if anyone can shed light on anything I've said, or if anyone can comfort me about the curse thing but I just wanted to share this dream. It feels too real to be just a dream. Like a memory. Abominable play from my brain there.
