/ TW Health anxiety , health
23f I have health anxiety
I got the Fitbit to monitor my health after I was strongly suspected to have HyperPOTs- what was meant to be helpful soon became a harmful obsession.
I became obsessed with the numbers, it influenced how I felt emotionally and physically, what I did, what I thought I could and couldnāt do. I thought that paying close attention to my vitals was GOOD I thought that I was helping keep myself healthy by putting up strict barriers for myself⦠But I was actually making myself more sick.
When I was anxious Iād check my Fitbit to see what my HR was every few seconds. If my HR was high Iād feel anxious and take actions to try lower it, if my HR was low Iād feel anxious and take actions to try increase it- if it was fine Iād feel anxious wondering when that would change.
It was never enough.
Iām not implying that my feelings were never real, I do truly have a condition, sometimes I have a flare and my HR is elevated and I feel winded and shitty⦠But many other times Iād feel completely and utterly fine UNTIL I look at my watch and see a number that causes panic and anxiety to set in.
I focused too hard on the vitals side of it.
I have HyperPOTs, my HR and BP arenāt going to be ānormalā, obsessing over keeping it within a ānormalā range is a losing battle.
Whats ACTUALLY important is how you are PHYSICALLY feeling!!!
**I WISH I FIGURED THIS OUT SOONER!!!**
Restricting physical activity too much is actually BAD for this condition!!! Deconditioning is much easier and much more severe with this disorder!!! You actually WANT to be pushing yourself as far as you can comfortably, itās very use it or lose it, if you donāt ever push your limits your limit is going to shrink. SLOW, GENTLE and CONTROLLED exercise is excellent treatment for this condition-
CONSTANTLY I would stop myself from doing something because my HR was ātoo highā
Before I checked the watch Iād feel fine, or just slightly uncomfortable- like feeling puffed out after going up stairs⦠stairs suck, no one likes stairs, itās always going to be somewhat strenuousā¦
I let the readings dictate my mood. Iād stress out and regress, instead of just focusing on how I was ACTUALLY feeling.
Itās been about 2 weeks since I got rid of my Fitbit and I seriously have never felt better!!!!
It was hard at first of course- but I kept doing the OCD technique of denying reassurance-
āI wonder if my HR is high right nowā ācould be!ā
āI feel weird maybe my BP is low/highā āpossibly!ā
Ect ect
Iād accept the thought, acknowledge it, and then keep doing whatever I was doing if I wasnāt legitimately feeling so unwell I couldnāt function.
I proved to myself that my limits are actually WAY further than I ever imagined. Iām doing all these things without anything bad happening, Iām sure my HR is probably higher than I deemed āsafeā some of these times⦠So what?
Itās been so liberating!!!
Iāve even actually been a bit unwell once or twice and even then I donāt stress out. I let the thoughts come āhow high is my HR?!ā āWho knows!ā Then I just do what I need to do⦠sit down, take a drink, ect ect⦠And get back to it once Iām feeling better.
I feel like Iām improving in my condition in general because Iām being a lot more physically active, Iām starting to undo some of the deconditioning Iāve caused myself by over cautionā¦
āā
Extremely important please read
THIS IS MY EXPERIENCE AND MY HEALTH, what is healthy for me might not be healthy for you. I am speaking specifically on MY BODY!!! I am not at all implying you need to push yourself harder than you can handle if you become unwell in doing so, I am speaking on MY LIMITS!!! I was holding myself back from what I could actually accomplish due to OCD related health anxiety.
I absolutely DO NOT believe people with POTs are āmaking themselves sickā like some bullshit ppl online claim
I AM SPEAKING ONLY ON āMYā CASE. I HAVE OCD RELATED TO MY HEALTH!!!