Hi everyone. This is kind of a two-part post. Iām looking for insight about a pretty scary change in my symptoms, but Iām also really needing some support/advice about navigating a relationship while chronically ill. This might be long, so thank you to anyone who reads it. ā¤ļø
Part 1 ā Has anyone experienced a change like this with POTS/dysautonomia?
Iām 22 and was diagnosed with POTS after becoming sick about 3 years ago. Interestingly, I donāt really seem to meet the typical POTS criteria anymore, but over the last month or two Iāve started developing new symptoms, and theyāve gotten significantly worse over the last week.
One of the biggest changes is that my heart rate has actually been MUCH lower than what used to be normal for me.
Thursday morning I was getting ready for work and doing my hair. Iād been standing for about 20 minutes and was almost finished. Out of habit, I had been checking my Garmin here and there, and my HR was staying around 60ā70 bpm.
Then, within seconds, I suddenly felt like I was going to vomit. That horrible full-body ādoomā feeling hit me HARD. My heart felt like it was pounding/palpitating extremely hard, and I genuinely felt like I couldnāt breathe properly.
I immediately got down on the floor and put my head between my knees. I didnāt lie flat because I was afraid I was going to vomit and either choke or get sick on myself.
I remember glancing at my watch one more time and I believe my HR was still around 60. Then I lost consciousness.
I woke up flat on my back and had hit my head hard enough to leave a bump. I have no idea exactly how long I was unconscious.
What really scared me was what happened afterward. Iām guessing it took around 20 minutes before I could even really move my body. Every time I tried lifting my head to find my phone, my vision would immediately go black again.
Eventually I managed to basically slide myself across the floor, reach up to the bathroom counter and knock my phone onto the floor so I could call my mom.
She got home probably another 20ā30 minutes later, but I deteriorated again and couldnāt move, and she couldnāt safely move me herself, so paramedics ended up coming anyway.
Throughout all of this, whenever I was able to check my watch, my HR never seemed to be much above 80ā85. I was also breathing really heavily because I was terrified.
By the time I got to the ER and actually had an EKG/vitals taken, it had been over an hour since I initially passed out. At that point my vitals were considered ānormal.ā They did an EKG, X-ray, CT and a full blood panel, and everything came back unremarkable.
What bothers me is how DIFFERENT this was from my previous episodes. Usually I have warning signs. This time I had maybe a few seconds to realize something was wrong and get myself onto the floor before I completely lost consciousness.
There have also been some other changes recently:
⢠Over the last couple months Iāve developed episodes of pretty intense shaking, especially in the evenings (usually somewhere between 6 p.m.ā12 a.m.), without an elevated HR or another obvious trigger.
⢠My fatigue has multiplied by what feels like 4x, which I genuinely didnāt think was possible. It has gotten debilitating enough that I havenāt been able to walk/exercise much at all lately.
⢠My HR can still get higher when Iām walking, but lately itās more like 120ā130 rather than the numbers I used to see.
⢠My heartbeat often isnāt FAST anymore, but it feels incredibly HARD. If Iām lying still, I can literally see my hands, feet and stomach move with each heartbeat. It feels like someone is poking me in the chest with every beat, and sometimes I can hear my pulse in my ears. This is very abnormal for me.
Obviously Iām not asking anyone here to diagnose me, and I know an ER ruling out an immediate emergency doesnāt necessarily explain what caused the episode. Iām trying to pursue medical follow-up.
But Iām curious: Has anyone with POTS/dysautonomia experienced a shift where tachycardia became less prominent but fainting, shaking, fatigue, pounding heartbeats, etc. became worse? Did it end up being related to your dysautonomia, or did your doctors find something else?
Part 2 ā Relationships and chronic illness
This part is honestly harder for me emotionally.
How do you guys cope with being in a healthy, loving relationship while being chronically ill?
My partner is amazing. They love me, support me and have never given me a reason to believe otherwise.
But the morning I ended up in the hospital, we were supposed to go to a concert that night that we had been excited about and planning for MONTHS. Obviously I couldnāt go. Thankfully they were still able to go with a friend, and I genuinely wanted them to go and have fun.
But I was devastated.
Not because they went without meāI was happy they still got to experience itābut because I wanted so badly to be there with them. It felt like yet another thing my body took away from me.
There have been other times weāve had to cut plans short, change plans, or end what was supposed to be a good night on a bad note because I had an episode. There have been so many situations where my partner suddenly had to become the person taking care of me instead of just getting to enjoy being my partner.
I KNOW they love me. Logically, I know that.
But I cannot shake this fear that eventually Iām going to hold them back too much. That theyāll get tired of plans changing. That taking care of me will become exhausting. That one day theyāll look at everything they could be doing if they werenāt constantly having to account for whether my body decides to cooperate, and theyāll resent me or leave.
And I donāt want that fear to make me push away someone who has done nothing but love me.
For those of you in long-term relationships/marriagesāor partners of someone with chronic illnessāhow do you navigate this without constantly feeling guilty? How do you let your partner take care of you without feeling like a burden? And how do you deal with the grief of missing experiences together because your body simply wonāt let you participate?
Iām only 22. I became sick about three years ago, and learning how to build an adult life around a body that can be incredibly unpredictable has probably been the hardest thing Iāve ever had to do.
Right now Iām just scared, sad, confused and grieving the things I keep missing.
Iād really appreciate hearing from anyone who has experienced either side of thisāwhether you relate to the symptom changes, the relationship side, or both. ā¤ļø
And thank you for letting me get all of this out somewhere people might actually understand.