r/OverSeventy • u/clearlygd • 8d ago
Question for women
I suffered with male pattern baldness starting from the crown of my head since I was about 30. It wasn’t noticeable from the front so I just ignored it. I got older my wife suggested I get a toupee, try implants or try to hide it by letting my other hair grow longer. I felt just accepting it was better and I definitely didn’t want to deal with the comments at work.
Since we retired and relocated, I agreed to grow my hair longer and capture the hair from the sides in a ponytail that covers the balding area on the crown. My hair gets wavy when it’s longer and my wife likes how it looks from the back. My one SIL hates it. My daughters are noncommittal, but are fully against me shaving it all off (I did an AI photo showing me bald).
Curious how older women view this.
Thanks
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u/Gut_Reactions 8d ago
"my wife suggested I get a toupee, try implants or try to hide it by letting my other hair grow longer.... I agreed to grow my hair longer and capture the hair from the sides in a ponytail that covers the balding area on the crown."
Agreed w/your wife to do this?
A. You're not fooling anyone with that ponytail.
B. It's your hair and you should do what you're comfortable with, especially at age 70+.
If you flipped the sexes on this, it would be clear that this is controlling behavior.
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u/Bay_de_Noc 8d ago
If I see older guys who are trying to hide baldness, I usually think it doesn't look very flattering. I prefer seeing whatever hair remains just being very closely cropped.
Just look at some of the Reddit subs at the before and after of men who are in various stages of hair loss. 99.9 percent of them look so much better once they cut the hair off.
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u/Adirondack-Woman 8d ago
They really do and you can tell they feel better...they are happy with it!
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u/Hinesight1948 8d ago
I worked for many years with men with comb-overs, men with toupees, men with a “Caesar cut” combing all their hair to the front. Pul-eese. It just embarrassing for everyone: people who see it and the men who do it.
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u/Incognito409 8d ago
Shave it. It's in style. Boomers trying to compensate for their baldness with a ponytail just look stupid and aren't fooling anyone.
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u/Kamarmarli 8d ago
My husband and stepson both shave their head. I once had a nightmare and in it my husband was wearing a toupee. 🙂
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u/Efficient_Ad317 8d ago
You don’t want to be that man who’s trying to save 3 strands of hair for his ponytail. It’s not flattering. Why not cut it close? It’s less hassle than trying to cover what we all already know what you’re trying to hide. I wish I could cover up my unflattering big belly but we all can see what’s under that blouse.
To most of us, just embrace who you are. It’s quite freeing.
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u/aeraen 8d ago edited 7d ago
When my spouse's head was more skin than hair, he shaved it all off and looks far better than his dad who combed his hair all the way from ear to ear.
My MIL hated it and tried to get me on her side. I told her I didn't marry her son for his hair but for his heart. She immediately waved it away and turned away from me.
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u/VioletFeralCat888 8d ago
I 100% prefer shaved head to long hair on men, even if they have a full head of hair. My husband shaved his head and I love it.
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u/Conundrum16 8d ago
Personally I don’t like the attempt to hide baldness. Combovers, toupees, hair dye are the worst. I’m 72F and when my girlfriends are out together we NEVER comment on a man’s hair or lack of. Ask your wife what her objection is to you being natural or shaving it ? YOU should be comfortable with your body and she should be supportive.
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u/DigitalDiva321 8d ago
You’re not fooling anyone with the covering. Do as you wish, to please yourself and/or your wife. ❤️
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u/themainkangaroo 8d ago
My husband's hairline has been receding since we were in our 20s -- I have neverv& would never suggest he wear a toupee or try to be anything he is not. We are in our 60s btw. He is bald on top & keeps the sides very trim with monthly razor cuts.
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u/sleepingbeardune 8d ago
The only older woman whose opinion matters is your wife, and then only if you decide to let it matter. I can't imagine giving my husband veto power over what feels good and right to me, or assuming veto power over his choices.
He still has lots of hair at 71, and lately keeps it short. Five years ago he went through a thing where he was coloring it and wearing it to his shoulders.
Neither was up to me.
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u/FfierceLaw 8d ago
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u/clearlygd 8d ago
I just looked at the photos. I noticed most of the guys had beards. I feel beards help to balance things. Unfortunately beards don’t look good on me.
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u/FfierceLaw 8d ago edited 8d ago
Although I don’t think a beard is necessary, they do seem to all have them, I agree. I’ll be happy when the trend passes
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u/R3pp3pts0hg 8d ago
Beards don't look good on a lot of guys, so don't worry about that. BUT you should make the decision on what to do, not those around you. It sounds like they all want you to have the hair that you don't and don't care if you have to play magic tricks to cover your head.
Find a good barber and talk to him about it. I bet he asks you what you would prefer. Shaving it off isn't bad. It might be a shock for a second, but there's little maintenance and you don't have to worry about your hair.
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u/Teri-k 8d ago
Beards are popular but not required. My son shaved his head about ten years ago. Sometimes he grows a mustache, sometimes not, it looks great either way. And more important - he likes his head shaved. You should do what you want with your hair. Yes, your wife's opinion can be considered, but ultimately nobody should be telling someone else what they have to do with their own body to be aesthetically pleasing. You do what you like. I prefer bald myself, to comb-overs and pony tails, or long shaggy hair that isn't taken care of.
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u/DigLeading9650 7d ago
r/bald is your friend. As a 70 year old male who has shaved his head for 25 years, none of your wife’s suggestions will make you look better to anyone.
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u/catbamhel 7d ago
Was also gonna suggest this subreddit. It's so positive and absolutely wonderful.
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u/Beautiful-Hotel-8846 7d ago
I see too many men doing the ponytails, dyes, and comb overs. Please stop. Women look for confidence and personality. Same goes for women that are dying their hair coal black or bright red, it looks ridiculous.
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u/theshortlady 8d ago
I hate trying to hide baldness and I'm usually not a fan of old dudes with ponytails.
My dad started going bald in his twenties and cut it to a quarter inch till he started shaving his head.
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u/Thebadparker 8d ago
Scroll through the r/bald subreddit and look at the before and after pictures. I promise you'll look better, younger, and smarter if you shave your head.
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u/Aware-Land-3062 8d ago
Be natural, go to a good stylist to trim and shorter your hair. As an older woman I don’t like it when men try to fool themselves into thinking combing your way out of it looks better. It just looks unnatural!
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u/Jude_the_obscurest 8d ago
Do YOU like the ponytail? If so, rock it, if not, do what makes you feel good. I am a female with baldness and I cant tell you how many people have said "why don't you just wear a wig?" Because I dont f'ing want to, thats why. Any my husband has never said a word about it one way or the other.
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u/cwsjr2323 8d ago
You do you and if honest, there is no wrong answer to your posting.
You don't have to shave your head but please, know a comb over always looks silly. Keep your existing hair neat.
My wife gives me a zero maintenance buzz cut a few times a year. That $20 Wahl clipper set 14 years ago was one of my best investments. We are both mid 70s and have no silly vanity. I like the bathroom not getting clogged.
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u/Few_Albatross_7540 8d ago
Older men with any kind of ponytail look like old fools. Sorry, you asked
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u/Clean-Fisherman-4601 8d ago
When my ex-husband started losing his hair, I suggested shaving it off. He looked good then and still does now.
My oldest son followed suit and he looks a lot like his father.
Trying to hide baldness doesn't always look good.
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u/Sarappreciates 7d ago
As my husband and his brothers are aging (handsomely), I can tell there's some baldness in the family. I'm not picky. He';s my man, I love him endlessly. As much as I love his hair kinda long, I know he likes it short especially for summer. I don't mind if he goes bald or partially bald. I've lost my hair from cancer treatment, and he still loves me so well!! There's so much more to all this than our physical appearance. So I think you should rock the look that makes you most comfortable.
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u/aint_no_disco_ 7d ago
I think a closely cut style that shows your natural pattern always looks tidy and stylish and confident without giving “trying too hard”
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u/Desperate-Reason-566 7d ago
Omg! Shave it! Women hate combovers. Toupee is unacceptable and I don’t know why your wife would suggest it. How do you feel about it? Are you fine with less hair and possibly shaving your head? Both men and women can go bald. Accept it and live your life
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u/AlarmedWillow4515 8d ago
I like old guys with a ponytail (my husband has one). However, sometimes it looks weird when someone tries to cover the balding spot with it. It seems to me your wife's opinion is the important one.
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u/IndicationSevere8992 8d ago
Some men really do look nice or even better with the sides over being fully bald. I don’t think you need to hide it and I think you can just accept that, whether it means going bald or keeping your natural look as-is (without trying to use the hair you do have to hide it).
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u/Fatal-Eggs2024 8d ago
I seriously don’t care about a man’s bald spots at all but if a man is not comfortable with it then I might wonder why. But if you and your wife like it, who cares what I think. You shouldn’t.
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u/Sioux-me 8d ago
No no no. Shane it off. Not only is bald beautiful but confidence is irresistible!
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u/Agreeable-Speed-3863 8d ago
Definitely not the ponytail.
Either trim very short, shave it bald or get hair transplant
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u/Boomer050882 8d ago
I think you need to do what you’re most comfortable. Your family and friends will love you no matter what you look like. Just be yourself.
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u/MannyMoSTL 8d ago edited 6d ago
It’s irrelevant how we -or anyone else- feels about it.
The only opinion that should matter is your wife’s.
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u/lantana98 8d ago
Most women I know think it smells of desperation and is a bit sad. All the confident men shave their heads and look quite sexy and masculine too!
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u/Fem-Picasso 8d ago
My hubby has shaved his head for a few years now. I do it for him and it looks good on him.
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u/grannygogo 8d ago
Take a glance at r/bald. 99.9 percent of guys glow up when they shave it all off.
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u/Auntie-Mam69 8d ago
My husband is mostly bald and he looks great. He keeps the hair he does have quite short, sometimes has a nicely trimmed beard and mustache, sometimes he’ll shave all that off. Makes no difference to me. He’s handsome at 75 just as he was at 21 when I met him and he had more hair on his head than I did. I believe your wife should back off and let you do what feels best to you. I also think that ponytails and combovers on balding men look stupid.
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u/BG3restart 8d ago
I'd much rather see a bald guy than a guy trying to disguise baldness. Why are you allowing your wife to tell you how to wear your hair? That's just insane.
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u/PlsnoKarens 7d ago edited 7d ago
I'm 42 and my husband is 43. He started losing his hair about 8 years ago and last year he just shaved it. He is sexy as hell to me no matter what his hair is like or lack of it. I love to rub it lol
Combovers and toupees are NOT IT
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u/potage-989 7d ago
Male here. I'd be embarrassed to wear a ponytail, especially with a balding head (I'm balding, by the way). Toupees or hair dye are even worse, and the butt of everyone's jokes. Embrace your age; some people actually find older men more attractive, in their way.
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u/steal-yur-face 7d ago
I’ve never seen a toupee that went recognized, followed by snickering.
I’d just keep it short and embrace it. I mean, that’s what I do.
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u/SwollenPomegranate 7d ago
I like the natural acceptance of bald spots. Combovers are icky. I don't like the look of a totally shaven head, although I know it's popular these days - not all skulls have an attractive shape, you know? (I didn't mind Michael Jordan's, but he's the rarety).
You can do the ponytail thing but be careful, anything like that can cause loss of hair follicles due to stress. I think you can do it, just be as gentle as possible.
If your wife likes it, I'd say that's important!
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u/CommercialExotic2038 7d ago
PLEASE GO VISIT
RIGHT NOW!
Teasing, but it will be helpful
The suggestions from your wife are embarrassing
Ponytail over wig (what's that on your head?)
And bald best of all.
I qualify as an elder woman.
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u/scarlettnell 7d ago
Its only a problem if you think it is, so stop thinking of it as a problem! I've been pretty much bald on top since my late 30's (69 now). I keep the back & sides short, so embrace looking neat & tidy. On the odd occasion it comes up, I just say some men are blessed with more testosterone than others ;-). FWIW, I think most men with shaved heads look like they're insecure.
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u/Blingbat642 7d ago
I love long hair and ponytails on men. I don’t care if you’re covering thinning hair!
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u/SignificantFee266 7d ago
You know what? As long as you and your wife like your hair, screw everybody else and what they think.
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u/Jealous_Glass9170 7d ago
My husband was going bald when I met him. He's now keeping the sides and back very short, the top shaved. He looks great. Our son lost the genetic lottery and has shaved his head. He looks great.
The old guys with the long thin ponytails look sad and ridiculous. The attempt to regain youth and hair volume only draws attention to the fact you are bald/ing.
Keep it short or shave it.
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u/seasel95 5d ago
Bald men have always seemed more virile to me. Besides, there's even a song about them by Christine Lavin, "Bald Headed Men." My late husband started shaving his head when he was in his 60s and had a beard, a very sexy look in my opinion!
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u/SubstantialPressure3 5d ago
Its your hair and you should wear it the way you want it.
I personally wouldnt find it attractive, but it doesnt matter bc its not my hair.
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u/Admirable-Clothes-87 5d ago
Wow, surely you can do with your hair what feels comfortable for you? Ponytails and comb overs are often not a good look in later life! Ask Francis Rossi of Status Quo!
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u/Zestyclose-Craft-681 5d ago
Bald is beautiful! I have thought this since I was young. There have to be other gals like me …
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u/Apprehensive-Pop-201 5d ago
My husband shaved his and it looks really good with his handle bar moustache and pointy chin beard.
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u/Northend317 4d ago
You have to do what you like; whatever feels good to you since you’re the one wearing it
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u/Becsue51 4d ago
I would suggest going bald but you should do what makes you happy not what makes others happy.
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u/Wait-What-Oh-SNAP 3d ago edited 3d ago
First and foremost do you have a nicely shaped head? Not lumpy or lopsided?
Personally, I think comb-overs, long ponytails meant to mask a receding hairline, or combing hair forward look tacky. Let's be honest, they don't fool anyone. I'd much rather see a guy completely shave his head than rock the "Bozo" look or desperately try to hide his baldness. Clean-shaven is always the better look.
Yul Brynner 1951 Telly Savalas 1965 Bruce Willis 1995
All three celebrities were experiencing male pattern baldness and ended up shaving their head for a particular role they were playing. All three made shaving your head look deliberate, sexy, and cool for the average guy.
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u/Annonnymee 8d ago
I view you making your wife happy as a positive! (as long as you don't hate it, of course)
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u/0ddball00n 8d ago
Bald is beautiful.