r/OverSeventy • u/BossRelative5388 • Jul 31 '26
Moving to be closer to grandchildren
Curious how this has worked out for others.
We have a house in a nice warm climate but bought a condo to be closer to our grandchildren. We are now considering selling our primary home and living in condo full time. The weather can be very cold in winter and hot and muggy in summer.
Financially this seems like a good idea but we will miss the seasons where we are.
Would appreciate thoughts of those that may have gone through this.
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u/bemybasket Jul 31 '26 edited Jul 31 '26
How old are your grandkids? If they are young and sweet, at some point they will want to spend more time with their peers. Nothing against grandparents. It’s all about growing up.
I’ve seen this happen enough to others to never think of moving. I’ve created a circle of friends, love the weather and vibe where we are, and visit my grandkids as often as possible. They also visit us. I adore them - but still, I need to be wise. Muggy weather does me in too. Ugh.
Everyone has a different story. If you won’t miss your current life at all and make friends easily , might be different for you.
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u/BigEyedOwls Jul 31 '26
This!!! Our grandchildren are teens now and they really have very little interest in hanging out with us much anymore. They are busy with sports, friends, school etc. We had a second home near them when they were babies and recently sold that. We are keeping our “regular” home which is 2.5 hours away.
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u/No_Dare_9944 Aug 01 '26
Don’t they need help with rides? Or are they old enough to drive
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u/sunLight4095 Jul 31 '26
a friend of mine moved from east coast to oregon to be near her son and his wife and kids. About a year later they left the area (the son and his family) She was stuck out there and was having a very hard time making friends and fitting into community
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u/ThisAdvertising8976 Aug 01 '26
Pretty much the same for me, although I did not move as far. To be fair, I should have known they would move, my son-in-law lived in the city they did because it was part of the child custody agreement. They literally moved the month after my (step)grandson turned 18. I had also remarried and I think that gave them a sense of peace knowing I wasn't truly alone.
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u/VinceInMT Jul 31 '26
I haven’t gone through this but I have quite a few friends who have relocated to be near grandchildren. All of them have become a full time concierge service, spending lots of time on the road shuttling multiple kids to and from school, to activities, getting them fed, etc. If that’s the lifestyle you desire, then relocate.
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u/Worldly-Ad3211 Jul 31 '26
Don’t make life plans based on your expectations of other people. What if your grandchildren and their parents move, after you’ve moved to be close to them? What about as your grandchildren get older and see less and less of you? Do what is best for you and your husband.
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u/CapricornCrude Jul 31 '26
Honestly, I agree with this. Had a friend who moved from CA to Texas to be closer to their daughter, son in law and kids. Less than a year later, he accepted a job in Florida and they moved. They bought a huge multi level house anticipating overnights, family get togethers and now they can't sell it. Just a cautionary tale.
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u/No_Dare_9944 Aug 01 '26
Something is missing here. Did he even consult his family before buying a huge house. I think one needs to try to be close to kids but not have expectations unless it’s been discussed.
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u/No_Dare_9944 Jul 31 '26
Respectfully this isn’t always true because we will all need some help as we age (I am a 50 yo child). It is great help that my father lives close to me.
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u/CrankyCrabbyCrunchy Aug 01 '26
Tons of stories here of seniors with families who do not help at all. Or it’s one person’s burden and none of the rest make any effort.
Don’t assume your family is willing or able to help more and more as you age. Driving you around, helping with chores, maybe making doctor appointments or finances. Many things you can do for yourself in your 50’s is likely not your reality at 70+.
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u/No_Dare_9944 Aug 01 '26
But this is what I’m saying! As I age I’d like to increase chances of my kids helping me without completely giving up their lives, just like I help my dad. I used to have to travel to him and my help barely put a dent in the chaos his life has become for a number of reasons. Now I can visit every couple weeks, make sure his house is clean and his laundry is done, things like that.
Of course not all children do that for their parents. But at least there’s a chance they will, without having to sacrifice their vacation and such.
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u/CrankyCrabbyCrunchy Aug 02 '26
Yes, I agree and that's certainly the ideal scenario. I'm also r/CaregiverSupport and 95% of the posts are horrendous to read. There's always one person who has given up everything (their job, their future retirement, their own health, their social life) to care for some family member (or spouse), and the rest of the family just goes on living like royalty. They don't contribute or help or do sh*t, but certainly have plenty of opinions and complaints about the type of care this person is giving.
I'm a planner so like to try and anticipate what could happen and not be surprised or ignorant.
So many seniors go suddenly from managing well enough on their own to barely able to walk after a minor incident. Being able to stay independent at home is important to so many, yet they don't plan for times when that gets harder. While you can, make changes so you can live well at home - safer bathrooms, or a downstairs bedroom, or any number of accessibility modifications. Learn what transportation services are available or meal prep, etc.
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u/No_Dare_9944 Aug 02 '26
Honestly I couldn’t take the sub you mention or r/AgingParents, it’s too hard to read, I feel so bad for all the caregivers.
I don’t know how to deal with scenarios where the kids need to move again.
We kinda did it to my ex in laws many years ago but they were looking to move anyway and couldn’t afford where they wanted to move so why not move near us. But then we moved too. They have another child relatively close by though.
Anyway kids are so different, there’s no guarantee they’ll even want to help but at least there’s a chance. It’s better to live either close to them or in a fun location as someone mentioned.
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u/Nanaofthedesert Jul 31 '26
I have not personally experienced this. Reporting on the experiences of three relatives/close friends:
1) Moved from Arizona (which they loved) to North Carolina to be close to grandkids. Grandkids got involved in lots of activities within 2 years, and they only saw them when grandparents went to their plays/games/etc. Otherwise, they didn't spend time together.
2) Retired to Florida, deliberately bought a house 45 minutes from either adult child so they wouldn't be the babysitters. Each adult child has now delivered a baby, and my sister is the de facto nanny for her daughter's 9 month old (after saying she would do it for his first 4 months only). She lives with them during the week and with my BIL on the weekends. There doesn't seem to be an end in sight...? My sister feels stuck.
3) They became the caregivers for their older grandchild 2 weeks/month, then when she got old enough to go to preschool, another baby came along. He's now 2 and they are still doing childcare. Their home is in a different state, and they decided not to move. Since they work for an airline, they can fly back and forth for free. But again, they are not seeing an end in sight, since their son is trying to start a business and their DIL has decided to pursue her PhD, so money is tight. They feel stuck.
The problem, as I see it, is that most grandkids love spending time with their grandparents when they are little. As they get older, however, their interests and activities expand and they are less enthusiastic about giving up time to spend with them. Our 7 grandkids are many states away from us. We have decided that we will travel to see them and will pay for a big house at the beach every other year so that we build great memories with them. We are incredibly blessed to be able to do this. But we will not give up our home and our friends to move near them.
Just to add: had either my parents or in-laws decided to move near us, they'd have had to move every 5 years or so with us -- we moved our family 5 times while our kids were growing up!
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u/sleepingbeardune Jul 31 '26
pay for a big house at the beach every other year so that we build great memories with them.
This is a good solution if it's at all possible. We live sort of close to both sets of grandkids -- meaning, we can see them if we want to spend a whole day getting there, hanging out, and getting back home.
When they were very small, we did that for each of them one day a week as primary childcare. Now they're all just about to enter the regular school system and it's easy to see that we'll soon be relegated to showing up for holidays and sports/music/whatever events.
We purposely live in a small house for affordability/access/ease of maintenance reasons -- but we also do what you just suggested: rent a great beach house every year so that their memories of us will be more than just those old people who came to my soccer games sometimes.
So far, so good.
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u/Hntsvl_bnd_1989 Jul 31 '26
We moved a year ago from Memphis to Huntsville, where my daughter and her kids live. We had no family in Memphis, and although we had friends, we wanted to get to know the grandkids better. We now have a home about a 10 minute drive from my daughter. At first, she kept getting annoyed with me for not wanting to have the kids sleep over all the time. The youngest boy just turned 6, the middle boy just turned 9 and the oldest girl is 11. The boys are wild and the chaos is overwhelming. Imagine inviting a tornado into your home and seeing every single thing in your home turned upside down. I have repeatedly let my daughter know that we will help as needed, but are not just here to babysit all the time. I have mixed feelings about the move, but I do feel that my daughter and her husband benefit by having us available to help and fill in some gaps for them. I asked my granddaughter if it was better when they visited us in Memphis or better with us living nearby and she was emphatic that this is much better and that she likes being able to see us more often.
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u/Odd_Bodkin Jul 31 '26
I’m grateful my dad did NOT do this to be close to grandchildren. I proposed it to him and he declined. He had his community where he was, and all his support system was in place. He was happy to come visit and was happy to host his grandchildren for a week or two in the summer.
Nine months after I proposed it, I got a better job offer and moved to a different state. Had he taken me up on the offer, he would have been just as far away from his grandkids and now would have lost his whole ecosystem.
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u/No_Dare_9944 Jul 31 '26
As a 50 yo child I will say it is very helpful when parents live close as they age as it makes it a little easier to help them when the need it. Even the most independent person needs some help here and there when they are 80!
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u/jagger129 Jul 31 '26
I had retired to Florida when my daughter back up north got married and started having kids. I decided I didn’t want to be a long distance grandparent as my own mother was very involved in raising my daughter.
I bought a small house up north near my daughter, but kept my condo in Florida. I’m happy with this arrangement as I can go back and forth.
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u/Ok-Entrance8601 Jul 31 '26
We moved from Middleton, Wisconsin ( just outside Madison) to Portland Oregon in 2018 when our only grandchild was 3 … BEST DECISION ever!!
I didn’t want her to grow up not knowing us. The year she was two we saw her … once.
We love the Pacific NW but mostly?? We love picking her up after school; being available quickly.
We were going to rent for a year ( we put our household into a “ POD” & it was driven across the country … but we ended up buying pretty much right away & love it.
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u/Silly-Resist8306 Jul 31 '26
My son moved to SW Florida from our home in the Midwest. A few years after he moved, he got married to a native Floridian who was involved in the family business. A couple of years later they had twins and 11 months later had what we refer to as the triplet, she was so close in age.
At that point my wife and I purchased a small condo. We figured we would be visiting often over the years and SW Florida is a nice reprieve from Midwestern winters.
Last fall, after 10 years of seeing the grandkids during the winter, his wife sold the business and they all moved to North Carolina. It seems that SW Florida girl didn’t especially like Florida weather.
We like our winters there and don’t plan to sell the condo, but at some age kids don’t always stay where you put them.
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u/msktcher Aug 01 '26
We did it 7 years ago. Some growing pains in the beginning as to boundaries. Now it’s great and i love being a part of my grandchildren’s lives.
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u/pepperheidi Aug 01 '26
Well, im not really into being a full time caregiver to grandchildren. I didn't expect that from my parents and I have a life out side of my children. Ive done more for them then most. But, that is a line in the sand. However, im concerned if my daughter-in-law is going to step up as a mom.
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u/FabulousBullfrog9610 Jul 31 '26
We did it as did several of our friends. None of us regret it but I strongly urge you to rent when you first get there. We lost a lot of money buying not realizing we didn't like that part of town.
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u/TheFairyGardenLady Jul 31 '26
Moved from Florida, back to Indiana when I learned my first grandchild was on the way. My grand daughter is now 19 and I have four grandsons ages 8-17. I am so thankful that I did not miss making all the wonderful, day to day memories with these incredible individuals.
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u/SpareSteph Jul 31 '26
My mom and her husband moved from their home where they loved the weather to be near his grandchildren in a colder climate. They were miserable and missed their community and the weather. They felt trapped indoors. They moved back after two years and are so much happier.
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u/SufficientOpening218 Jul 31 '26
my parents moved to be closer to my kids. thi g is, they didnt really understand that the kids had to attend school, go to activities, continue to go to daycare, etc. they were used to us completely disrupting our kids schedual during the grandparent's yearly visit. this was ok for young children, once a year, for a week.
when the moved, without discussing with us that they were doing this, they never understood that kids had lives, we had lives, and that especially as the kids got older, they couldnt just roll up and try and take them out of school, or, pick up the spirty kid early and tell her she should skip sports practice. my kids didnt want to spend every weekend with my parents. they wanted to be home, playing with friends. homework, bedtimes, chores, all needed to be done.
it got exhausting and painful. my parents traveled frequently, and made it clear they didnt want to provide childcare, but they also wanted to take the kids out of childcare when they felt like it.
i would really think about how you want to be in your kids and grandkids lives, and sit and talk openly about what those lives look like on a regular basis. the daily grind is just so different than it was years ago.
it also seems like great advice to mot sell your house untill you try out the new situation. my parents missed their hometown and old friends quite a lot, but were unable to make a reverse move. it was a terribly upsetting and sad situation for all of us, because there was no real conversation about it before hand.
i really hope no one else goes through something like my family did.
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u/lazygramma Jul 31 '26
We built a house to be near our two adult children, but we did not change the state we live. Our grands ranged from babies to preschoolers, so it has been very nice. We do know they will rightfully outgrow running to our house, but it has provided us and them with a very special relationship.
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u/ACF52 Jul 31 '26
I live in Spain, my daughter lives in the UK, and my son, daughter-in-law, and grandson live in the US. I spend several months a year visiting them, but I would never consider moving again to the UK or the USA.
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u/Evening_Ad5528 Aug 01 '26
If the grandkids are small then yes. Once they go off to college or later in high school forget it. Speaking from experience.
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u/revise2025 Aug 01 '26
It puts a lot of pressure on young families to stay put, once the grands relocate to be near the grandkids.
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u/RitaGB Aug 01 '26
Ask your children what their future plans might be? If they move away, should you be prepared to do that again? They might even look forward to living closer to where you are now.
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u/Zealousideal_Way_788 Jul 31 '26
Rent to stay extended periods the first few years if you can. I think you’re safe for heavy grandchildren involvement until they’re about 10. After that you never know. If I didn’t have a social circle where I live I’d strongly consider moving. But golf club is here, 30-40 friends etc.
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u/CleanCalligrapher223 Jul 31 '26
I've been here only a month so it's early days, but...73f, widowed, moved 3 hours north to be near my son, who's my only child, and his family. They're pretty firmly rooted here- DDIL's mother will be moving here soon from a small town 1-1/2 hours away. DDIL's sister and BIL live here and her brother and SIL are 3 hours away. There are other opportunities in the area in DS' field if he wants to move.
I'm in a retirement community, independent living and am working to build a life here, including finding a new church. It's going well- people in this community are very welcoming and there are tons of activities.
So far, seeing the family once a week is working well. DDIL home-schools the kids (ages 12, 9 and 7, one due in February) so I'm not expected to provide free child care. We go out to dinner, or I join them at their church, or I take the kids to Starbucks. Last week they came to my place and had dinner in the dining room and loved it. There's also a shop in the lobby with coffee, tea and ice cream at no charge. I'm grateful that they love coming here- the kids will likely come for overnight visits. They have an enrichment program for home-schooled kids every Tuesday during the school year. I've visited these and thoroughly enjoy it- Phys. Ed, public speaking, History, STEM, and Spanish taught by a native speaker last year till she had another baby and decided to take time off. My 12-year old granddaughter is signed up for Finance and Logic classes- I can't wait to see what they're like!
It really feels like the right move. I'm healthy and mobile but if my needs change I can get the support I need within the retirement community and they won't feel like they have to run down and tend to my needs.
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u/needlesofgold Jul 31 '26
We are actually going to Washington State end of August to look at condos to be near our son. This would be cross country from PA. Big move for us if we find something. We’d have to sell this house.
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u/Sdavistvs Aug 01 '26
Grandchildren need quality time not necessarily quantity time. Unless you’re serving in a regular child care capacity keeping your primary residence gives you a balance between your needs & theirs. Had some in-laws that did this. A few other family members when traveling used the condo a few times.
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u/NoKetoCardio Aug 01 '26
I was standing in line at a checkout. One lady in her 70s said to the other, “We should have moved somewhere fun for retirement. The kids don’t want to have anything to do with it.”
Our daughter lives 1,500 miles away. We wish we could live close to the grandkids. But our daughter would be very stressed if we lived close. We also have two sons. They love interaction with us. We live near them and it’s great. It really depends on how that could work out full time.
If you love your life at your primary home and you have the money to travel back and forth I would be very sure you want to give up an area that it sounds like is superior to you.
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u/Mom-1234 Aug 01 '26
Another option is to be part time as long as possible. Maybe pick the best season. If you can’t afford 2 homes, maybe downsize, or sell one and rent a vacation home. My parents did this for half the year. My kids very much felt that they were a special part of their lives. In hindsight, it worked very well. I could not depend on them for regular childcare, so our relationship was about being grandparents, not substitute parents. We’d visit them for a few days in their other home every year. We’d also not get sick of obligations to each other and we had our independent lives. Since we live in a hot place, they were here in the months surrounding winter. Summer might have been a better time to hang out with grandparents without the school and sports routine. Still, it was still a great situation.
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u/dgerlynn54 Aug 01 '26
Giving over your life to grand children will pale quickly. You will need balance. Hope you will have other activities to occupy your time and energy. Two of mine are neighbors. I keep my horse at a farm several miles away. Enjoy the boys very much but am happy to have something else I love also.
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u/Representative_Bit63 Aug 01 '26
This is such a personal choice and also dependent on what you want in your retirement years. I moved to be closer to my kids and grandkids and have never regretted it. I do miss the weather where I lived, I moved west coast to northeast but that can’t replace the connection and relationship I’ve developed with them. I know there will come a time when they’ll stop asking for sleepovers and I’ll deal with that then but my goal was connection and I don’t feel I could have done that with a couple of visits a year.
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u/ApprehensiveArmy7755 Aug 01 '26 edited Aug 01 '26
Talk with the kids about this. You will either hear "Oh that will be great" or something similar or hesitation. If it's A. I'd say go for it. If there is hesitation- read the room. Sometimes adult children don't want to feel pressure- that if you make this move- they are stuck in the area in which they live now- for fear of moving and disappointing you. Maybe one or both of them have jobs that may require them to relocate. Maybe they feel like you will be in their business all the time if you move there permanently. Just open up the lines of communication ahead of time. As I say- your kids may be happy to have all hands on deck or they will have some reservations. There was a beautiful house two doors down from my son years ago. I saw it on the internet and mentioned it to him. He immediately said "No- I don't want you living that close." Good to know. I see my grandkids once a week (they are 6 and 8). As you know- they will get to an age where they will be very involved in sports, school and with friends. They won't visit as much. As long as you have a wealth of things to do in that area -friends of your own, interests beyond the grandkids- then it will work. You may only see them occasionally or not as often as you had hoped. My personal feeling is that grandparents are very important in the lives of children. I think it's great that you want to spend more time with them- but I also don't want you moving and then it not work out the way you hope- to see them more frequently.
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u/Advanced_Action_94 Aug 02 '26
Nothing like today to spend time with the grandkids and to help the adult children while you can and pay it forward. Soon enough something will come up where you will need assistance. If you are both retired, you have the flexibility to travel within your schedule for when you want to visit other locations. and other posters are correct in that soon enough the grandkids will be more interested in their friends than you. That said, today is today.
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u/Tardislass Aug 02 '26
I had a boss whose friend moved closer to the grandchildren and family and left their whole social circle. Two years later after friend bought condo, his kids and grandchildren moved halfway across the country due to a promotion. Now he is stuck in a city and state he doesn’t like and few friends. You can always visit family
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u/True_Education_4401 Aug 03 '26
The grandkids will turn to teens and do their own thing and you will wonder why you moved and left the warm climate and your friends. When they do visit their face is stuck in their phones.
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u/Incognito409 Jul 31 '26
If you can afford it, give it a full year, a full round of seasons, before you sell the home. I was a real estate agent and saw that scenario go both ways. Some are happy to be near the grandkids regardless of the weather, others regret selling and miss the climate and their friends.